Post # 62
@jaylii9: I did bridesmaid cards but mostly because 2 out of my 4 girls aren’t in town and I thought it would be a nice way to ask them. They were personalized and I thought it would be a nice keepsake. I was there when they opened the cards (or on the phone) and everyone thought they were really pretty and thoughtful. Obviously, to each her own. I also didn’t make them. I bought them on Etsy, so I like that through my “dumb” idea I was able to support a stay-at-home mom’s business.
Post # 63
Bachelor party involving strippers! I don’t get that last night of freedom thing at all. Was he not supposed to be committed to me and not touching other women the last five years? What changes right before the wedding?
Also, with respectful apologies to everyone else, the bridal party 🙂 It’s not a part of my culture, so even though I’ve heard multiple perspectives on it, I just don’t get why you would want a bunch of people dressed exactly alike lined up like dominoes next to you 🙂
Post # 64
My personal take on the bachelorette party isn’t so much of “last night of freedom” but actually celebrating the fact that you’re getting married… I don’t know, maybe I’m weird, but I went to a bachelorette party and the girl was going around telling everyone she was getting married because she was so excited. So I think it’s just a night out with your besties, celebrating the fact that you’re getting married and just having fun. Obviously it has the tradition of being the “last night of freedom” but we all know that isn’t true because, hello, you’re engaged…. freedom ended awhile ago. so I think of a bachelorette party as just some fun during the very stressful wedding planning and a way to take a nice break and be like “whee, I’m getting married! let’s party even before it’s happened because otherwise this wedding planning might KILL ME.”
Sigh. Or maybe that’s just me.
Post # 65
@MissKatelyn: Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for bachelor and bachelorette parties. Me and Darling Husband both had one! I just think there are more appropriate and fun activites than having a stranger’s private parts in your face, both for a man and woman.
Post # 66
- I don’t understand “waiting.” If you want to get married, and he hasn’t proposed, why don’t you just propose to him?
- Engagement rings. Men don’t wear rings until they are married. Why should women? And if you want a ring, why must it be a diamond?
- Wedding colors. We did not make any effort to have everything in the same few colors. There were some colors used at the ceremony and not at the reception, and vice versa. It all looked nice, so who cares?
- Father giving you away. If you are old enough to get married, you’re old enough to decide for yourself. If you want to acknowlege the role of parents, why not have both you and Fiance escorted by both parents?
- Wedding weight loss. Presumably, the people invited to your wedding have seen you before you lost the weight. And if it was important to you to lose weight, it was important before you got engaged. Why take a stressful time in your life and make it more stressful by setting some huge weight loss goal?
- Bouquet and garter tosses. Do you really have friends so desperate to get married that they will fight each other to catch the bouquet or garter? And seriously, folks, flying underwear should be reserved for your private time.
- Growing your hair for the wedding. You are going to spend a year or more growing hair for one day? Seriously?
- Use of the wedding march. The composer was the official musician for the Third Reich. Is that really an association you want to have with your wedding?
- Reception dresses, and TTDs. If you spent that much on a dress, why not use it for the whole day, and resell it afterward?
- Having the pictures drive the wedding, instead of vice versa. The pictures are supposed to record and remind you of what happened. If something otherwise makes sense, don’t change it for the sake of the pictures. And if it doesn’t, drop it, without regard to the pictures.
- Thinking that you “need” an expensive white dress, a bouquet, a bridal party, a bachelor/bachelorette party, a cake, a shower, an aisle runner, or whatever to get married. At most, you need to have a partner, an officiant, a marriage license, and witnesses. Everything else is optional.
Whew! I’ve probably offended half the people here, but I feel better now! 😉
Post # 67
@menobride: I think you and me were cut from the same cloth. 🙂
Post # 68
I think a lot of people do things that “dont make sense” because they are tradition and it is what you have always thought you would do because thats how its been done. I am being “given away” by my dad because I have always dreamed of having my dad walk me down the aisle. I am actually much closer with my mom, but having my dad walk me down the aisle is a special moment that I would like to share with him. I didnt think I needed many things, but I wanted them because they are things that I have always imagined would be a part of my wedding day – like colors, bridesmaids, white dress, pictures with family etc. I dont really know if any of it “makes sense” but I am doing things because I have always looked forward to doing them! I honestly couldnt give a logical explanation of the traditions, the meaning behind them or why I would like to do them! However, there are other things that I cant wrap my head around that other brides are doing but it doesnt make them any less special. So here is my list!
-colored shoes (I think theyre pretty I just dont get peoples aversion to white/ivory shoes!)
-first look (I have always dreamed of seeing Fiance for the first time walking down the aisle so I just dont understand doing it any other way – it seems to be a trend!)
-bridal party tables that exclude the SOs of your bridal party
Post # 69
Ditto on the colors. Apparently, I was expected to pick ‘wedding colors’. So I did pick a color Fiance and I like. Then I got grief for picking the ‘wrong’ color for the season. WTH?! Who cares what color the napkins are?!
Post # 70
whoever said this:
I do not understand why weddings make perfectly sane people lose all sense of etiquette, manners, and financial responsibility.
i really appreciated every penny that people kindly parted with to leave us money in cards, but why why why do people insist on putting Mr. & Mrs. *insert grooms last name here* on checks? even the flippin venue owner wrote our security deposite refund like this and i had to politely ask her to change it. how do people know you’re even changing your name? and, more commonly, do these people realize how long it takes to change your name and get a joint bank account? i still had checks sitting around 2 months after the wedding! end stupid, selfish, ungrateful rant.
everyone’s pretty much already said my contributions, so i didn’t have much to add. however, i can’t believe how much crap other brides have gotten from the people around them, especially family. reading all of your stories has made me even more appreciative of my family’s respectful attitude. they may have had their own opinions on what “should” be, but after hearing what i wanted i never really heard any of it, they just helped me do what i had in mind. i’m really, really grateful right now, i think i need to go call some people.
Post # 72
That’s so funny because I and most of my friends would rather skip the ceremony and consider the actual celebration with eating, drinking, dancing talking and laughing with family/friends to be the actual event.
I just went to two weddings in the last three months and didn’t make it to either ceremony and really didn’t feel like I missed anything. I know what the ceremony was, hate sitting through religious services and know that them joining together as a married couple is the reason for the day – but I certainly would never be offended to miss it. As a matter of fact, I’d be thrilled if I was specifically not required to go to it, lol
Just goes to show you how people think differently. 🙂
Post # 73
I found this thread as it was listed under “related posts” at the end of something I was reading. I’m so glad I did! In the months I’ve been reading Wedding Bee I’ve been frustrated at the expectations so many have, both self inflicted and family inflicted. Many times I’ve wanted to yell how ridiculous it is to go in debt for these huge family affairs. I loved the post where the bride was given the corporate menu at about $20 a plate. I’ve never met a wedding dinner where the meal was worth $50 to $150. Total robbery.
The other thing that has me terribly confused and frustrated is that the reception is so expensive that the bride and groom are practically forced to become selfish and not allow dates to attend. I totally get not wanting to spend $75 on a dinner for someone’s date you’ve never met. But truthfully much of the world goes around in pairs and I think each invitation should include the option for bringing a partner. Maybe we should all demand the corporate rate at $20 instead of the ridiculous wedding rate.
That was nice. I’ve wanted to express this but feared insulting brides.
Anyone else? Any new nonsensical things going on?