(Closed) What. WHOM does the FMIL want us to invite???

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9682 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@LadyMoriarty:  It sounds like Jerry Springer or Maury. I wouldn’t be cool with it, but if Fiance feels that he is like a dad to him then I don’t think you have much choice.

Post # 4
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@LadyMoriarty:  I think that’s REALLY sweet! His brother was a dead-beat, so he stepped into the role and helped Future Mother-In-Law get on her feet! I think they’re both thankful to him, and I think that’s AWESOME!

Post # 5
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t know, it doesn’t seem like your place to say no. I mean, yeah I feel bad for your Fiance but sometimes a kid is better off without dysfunctional adults in the picture. You don’t really know the whole store here so it’s pretty hard to judge. 

Post # 6
8694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

looks like Fiance turned out fine, you want to marry him.  it’s not like Fiance wants to invite Sam, he wants to invite Tom.  let him.

Post # 8
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I understand your protective feelings towards Fiance but I think family can come in many shapes and sizes and Fiance may have stronger ties to Tom than leading on. If he wants him there, he should be there. Sounds like he was a strong (lone!) male figure in his life and that definitely deserves an invite from an outside perspective.

Post # 9
12003 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@LadyMoriarty:  honestly, this one really isn’t your business.  if your Fiance is okay with his childhood and wants to invite Tom, who was obviously a part of his life growing up, then why should you say no. 

I’ll compare this to my own situation.  Dad left my mother for another woman.  This happened before FH and I met.  For about a year and a half at the beginning of our relationship FH wanted nothing to do with my dad out of respect for my mom (and me) even though my mom had moved on and I had made peace with it all.  I finally had to tell FH that this was not his fight.  If I’m okay with it, I need him to be to.  I appreciated where he was coming from, and he disagreed with what my dad did but it wasn’t his place to be mad at my dad.

It’s not your place to look down on Tom or Sam, in fairness, you really don’t know the whole story or everything that went down.  If Fiance wants Tom there, Tom should be invited.

Post # 10
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

So… you don’t want to invite your FI’s uncle?


This makes no sense to me.


Yes, what his dad did was terrible — running away, etc. It’s not Tom’s responsibility to make your FI’s dad be a dad. He stepped up as an uncle…of course he should be there.

Post # 12
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t really see how it’s wrong at all.  What does Tom have to do with Sam being a dead beat dad?  Tom can’t help who he is related to, and if your Fiance wants him invited, he should be, no questions asked.  I don’t see why it matters that he is “technically” his uncle. 


Post # 13
717 posts
Busy bee

As pp said, you don’t know the whole situation, you weren’t there.  It’s sweet that you are trying to defend your FI’s feelings and childhood.  But if he wants Tom there, I don’t think you should go against it.

Post # 15
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@LadyMoriarty:  So Tom was around when your Fiance was growing up, and he was a friend to your FI’s mom.  He was not an “absent father.”  What exactly did he do wrong, other than being related to a guy who wasn’t responsible?

I don’t really understand your judgement of him, and I don’t think it’s your place to say you don’t want him there.

Post # 16
4525 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Why punch Tom? He doesn’t sound like the uncle of the year, maybe, but he sounds like a decent person

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