(Closed) What woud YOU do in my situation?

posted 10 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: What should I do?
    Suck it up and pay : (3 votes)
    8 %
    Negotiate, since it was per HER prompting : (37 votes)
    93 %
    other (explain plz) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    I would mention it to her! I’d say "Since we moved the ceremony to accomodate you, what can you do to help accomodate us in return, now that you won’t be performing the ceremony?"

    Post # 5
    Member
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    It sounds like you jumped through a lot of hoops to get her services, only to be without them in the end! She sould definitely try to work with the church to get you guys some compensation.

    Post # 6
    Member
    754 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2008

    What Angela said, exactly.

    Post # 7
    Member
    225 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I agree with negotiating. Talk to her about it. It doesn’t hurt.

    Also, I think the coordinator will come in handy – they pretty much take care of rehearsal and order of processional. *shrug* but ultimately your call. I think its pretty common that churches give you one to use. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    796 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    It sounds like it is not even your church, so I don’t think it would be tacky or out of line to say that this is not what you would have picked originally, and is there a way she could work with the church to renogotiate the fee? It will probably still be hard to say but it can’t hurt to ask.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2640 posts
    Sugar bee

    Since you wanted an outdoor wedding to begin with, are you looking to go back to that, since you’ll be having someone new anyway?  I’m not sure what the differnce in proce would be?????  But if you need a new officiant, it might be a good time to ask that person about the outdoor ceremony.

    Post # 11
    Member
    513 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    My friend was in a very similar situation. She wanted to get married in a Catholic church but have her own minister officiate. It worked out in that respect- but then the church told her a few months prior to the wedding about all these additional fees she had to pay since she wasn’t a member of that church, the wedding coordinator, the cost of the set up and accompanist…

    Ultimately, my friend became very overwhelmed and had her mom mediate the whole thing. Everyone was accomodating to the fact that things had changed drastically and the point was to have a nice wedding. So the church waived some fees. 

    I think you have to try to approach the church with poise. Try to speak to someone who will listen to the whole story of how you changed everything for the pastor who won’t be able to officiate.  And ask if there is any way they can meet you half way- especially since you are now two months away from your wedding date- and want to try to get the details of the ceremony solidified. 

    I don’t know what you should do about the coordinator. My friend had the same issue- and she wound up not paying for the church’s cordinator- but the coordinator was there, regardless, because she had the keys to everything and directed people to different areas of the church grounds.

    Post # 12
    Member
    271 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I would negotiate because the worst that could happen is her to say No- it doesn’t hurt to ask right?

    But in my opinion, and I know I’m not making any friends here with my bluntness, but I don’t see why she would owe you anything. You didn’t have to move your wedding to her church, you could of found another officant who could have worked outdoors and you never would of had to go through any hoops.

    Post # 13
    Member
    49 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    i agree that talking to her won’t hurt. i wouldn’t do it in a pushy way or anything, but i would throw it out there. it doesn’t hurt to tell someone who you are doing business with that you’re disappointed and feel let down…. especially if you already had an agreement. just be prepared for rejection if it should get to that point….. but i don’t think it would, personally.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1022 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    You can certainly ask, but remember that those fees are there for a reason. Our church charges about $700 for the use of a coordinator (which is helpful, because you don’t know the church, what is allowed, etc, what needs to be done) and a cleaning crew before & after.  In our church, we have to pay that, even though we are members.  All those people are working to help make your wedding perfect. Is it fair for  you expect that service, for free? 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1022 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Oh I should also mention that our fee includes a lighting and sound person. 

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