Post # 1
My bf and I have been together for 5+ years and I asked him several times about marriage and living together but he always said he wasn’t ready, or it wasn’t the right time etc.
Then I got to thinking…what would the perks be for him at this time?
He would have to
1) Share his space, which he likes being as he is used to
2) Would have to share more of his time – having dinner and breakfast with me every day and being there for me emotionally would drain him a bit, rather than the 1-2 times a week we see each other now
3) Consult me on more decisions than he does now
4) Share his income (partially) for shared bills/expenses
Seems like he has the perfect setup…he gets companionship, but not too much, and doesn’t have to share his things or space or time more than he is comfortable with.
For me, I want to move in together so that we can do more activities together….I think?
Post # 3
llevinso : does my post not make sense?
Post # 4
You sound like you are making his excuses for him.
1. You could get an entirely new space to share.
2. If having dinner and breakfast with you would drain him emotionally, maybe he’s not the partner you need.
3. Making joint decisions is part of the joy of a serious relationship. Having someone to consult, bounce ideas off of, share the responsibility etc
4. You would also be contributing financially, so his costs should go down.
Live your life on your own calendar.
Post # 5
The positives should be that he WANTS to do all that because he loves you and WANTS to share his life with you as his partner. If it’s a negative to have you around then that’s a huge issue.
Post # 6
julies1949 : I’m trying to see his point of view… spending a lot of time with any person is unfortunately draining for him. He says he needs at least two hours a day of alone time to recharge his batteries. I do agree on the rest of your points
Post # 7
lauralaura123 : Your line of thinking is very strange. Are you trying to convince yourself of something here? Maybe that he truly does love you but living together makes no practical sense? Because it all sounds like absolute bullshit.
He should WANT to be with you. The fact is, he doesn’t. He’s told you both directly and indirectly.
Post # 8
I think she’s trying to understand why he doesn’t want to live with her, trying to understand his perks of living alone
Post # 9
All right, thank you all, closing this thread, appreciate the thoughts