Post # 1
There seems to be an awful lot of angst about waiting on these boards – its all rather foreign to me as my fiance and I knew we wanted to get married more or less from the start and it was just a matter of when. On our 4 year anniversary I said to him maybe we should think about getting married – he had also been thinking it but had some idea for a proposal in his head – which meant waiting another 6 months. I said we might as well just set a date then. It might not sound romantic but it was as we were in the house we just bought together. throughout our relationship we have always been equals so I liked the fact it was a joint decision. At the end of the day, being engaged is the main thing, right? So I am just curious – to those who are regulars on this board, what would happen if you went up to your SO right now and said, “hey, I want to get married, you want to get married – let get engaged?” or words to that effect.
Post # 2
It wouldn’t have gone over well with my husband only because he would have felt like I was pushing him and taking away “his decision” by putting him on the spot. That could just be our situation though and the fact that I was ready long before he was so he would’ve thought I was rushing him.
I don’t see why people that are making that joint decision and are on the same page with their timelines can’t just make their engagement be a mutual decision.
Post # 3
I’d be cool with it. My husband and I were pretty devoted to each other when we began dating. Within 3 months I moved in with him (1,200 miles away from anything I ever knew.) We never talked about marriage. Not even once. Then one day he just proposed. It was lovely.
Post # 4
Hubby and I knew were were getting married by the fifth date, I’d have been fine with it 🙂
Post # 5
We knew each other a long time before we started to date. We both knew that when I agreed to a first date (after 7 years of him asking) that we would get married. We knew. Our friends knew. Our families knew. After dating and living together for 3 years I ran into some health problems and was frank about it. Let’s get married so I can have better health insurance. It’s best for both of us and our finances. He agreed. Done. Now we are officially domestic partners so I have his insurance without being married. It was still the right time and was a simple conversation. He said that he never felt pressured.
Post # 6
From the perspective of a waiting, not engaged Bee, every couple and situation is different. Some people see engagements as another step in a relationship and others see it as a window to marriage, meaning sooner. I am waiting because although both my SO and I have discussed marriage and getting engaged, at the end of the day, he still has to ask me. Some women prefer a more hands on approach and want to be actively involved in the process. I on the other hand did not go ring shopping with my SO and I will not have the faintest clue as to when he proposes.
I don’t have angst about my situation, but I try to see if it from a subjective view as well, as I seem to be one of the older “waiting” bees. It is easy to stand on the outside and make observations so just keep that in mind that we’re all very different and in different relationships. 🙂
Post # 8
That’s actually kind of how it happened with my fiancé and I. We didn’t get engaged as soon as we start talking about getting married because to both of us, being engaged would mean that I had a ring on my finger. We technically set a date the day we got engaged because we had already been planning for it and had already contacted a venue and the church. I think it was more or less the formality of him proposing to me just because we are both traditional in that sense. The definition of being engaged is different to a lot of people, for us it was that we are going to get married within The near futur. We actually spoke to his childhood priest two years before we technically got engaged with the ring and all that fancy stuff yet we didn’t consider ourselves engage at that point in time because we didn’t have the traditional exchange of him proposing and me getting a ring on my finger.
In direct response to your direct question, it probably would have gone over strangely because I don’t think that our definition of engagement at that point in time would have been legitimate since he didn’t have money for the ring, nor did we both have money to start planning a wedding.
In our traditional perspective of being technically engaged, we wouldn’t have considered ourselves as such because he kept saying he wanted to do it “right”. To him,the ring signified the commitment, and not just throwing around some words of commitment to marry.
i’m not really sure if this makes any sense but it’s kind of hard to respond to an open ended question like that.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
My SO is traditional and would be upset if I took the whole proposal thing away from him. We’re nowhere near getting married or even engaged but it has been discussed as an option down the road.
So if I told him I wanted to be engaged now he’d tell me to be patient and let things happen in its own time.
Post # 10
I agree with you in terms of the tone of these boards. I was in the same boat you were in the fact that my fiance and I were on the same page and were engaged within a month of initially talking about it. I don’t understand the passive waiting and the angst.
Post # 11
My fiance is also traditional, and despite me knowing it was coming it didn’t take away from the actual proposal or experience. He told me he respected me and wanted to make sure we were on the same page before popping the question. I don’t see why people put such a big emphasis on surprise proposals. I love my fiance more BECAUSE he talked to me first about it.
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn
I knew it was really important to him to research the ring, talk to my parents, and propose. He’s a progressive guy but certain traditions are important to him. With that said, a few months prior to us getting engaged, I came right out and said ‘I want to marry you’ because I realized he needed to hear it and it felt good to say it. We communicated regularly and made a point to make sure we kept moving forward. I had moments of insecurity, but got through it because I knew we were in a good place. I didn’t consider myself officially waiting until he asked for my ring size and then I found out that he’d already talked to my parents and it only took 3 weeks from then.
Post # 13
With my luck, if I did that, I’d end up ruining some surprise proposal scheduled for the next day or something. Lol. I’m notorious for blowing surprises so I’m just hanging out, keeping decently quiet, and trying to focus on summer classes. I was all anxious and probably will be again if I sit still long enough. I *think* he would be okay with it, but deep down I want a sweet proposal with a ring so I can cry and say YES! after a long pause as waiting payback, haha.
Post # 14
I don’t exactly consider myself to be waiting because we have always been open about plans for marriage. In our case, I have been heavily involved in the ring process so we are technically probably engaged… It’s not like I’ll say no after designing the ring, you know?
But once the right is finished, I’ll be trying it on once to make sure it’s the way I designed it, then handing it over to him for an unknown amount of time awaiting the official proposal. I want the excitement and drama since the ring will not be a surprise (which was my preference for the most part). So I call him my boyfriend til that moment happens.
Post # 15
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I agree. A surprise proposal would be great, but I’d be equally happy if it was just something we mutually agreed upon and just said, “okay cool, we’re engaged now.” And then went ring shopping together.
Again, it’s a ways off for us but we’ve had exploratory talks about it and he’s a lot more set on traditional expectations / experiences than I am so if it would mean that much to him I wouldn’t want to spoil that, but personally I’d be fine either way.