(Closed) What would happen if you went to your partner said you want to get engaged now?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

I think I’m in the minority in this, but I definitely think it should be the man’s idea to get engaged. The words “marriage” “engagement” “wife” have never even come out of my mouth. 

Post # 17
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

 

We are engagaed now. But previously (not that i ever would) had i demanded we get engaged he would have said something like ‘I love you, it will happen, lets enjoy life’

As long as you have the same goalls and want the same things which have been communicated, we should all enjoy what we have and not pressure either party. When the time is right, its right. 🙂

Post # 18
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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RoseDaisyLily:  Whoa.  So you are willing to 100% put this in your boyfriend’s hands???

My viewpoint is simple: it’s the 21st century.  Women should not be passengers in their own life.  It’s a big big big gamble to just let the dude decide when he wants to propose and when he’s ready to get married.  That kind of passive “waiting” if you will is just…so crazy to me.  If someone wants to get married, that person should start a conversation with their partner.

Post # 19
Member
900 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t ever say that to my Fiance because I want that surprise proposal. We talked about getting engaged before hand and we were all on the same page. So I knew it was happening, I just didn’t know when or how. Loved the surprise!

Post # 20
Member
3308 posts
Sugar bee

He already knows I want to be engaged NOW. So if I said “I WANT TO BE ENGAGED NOWWWWWW” he would literally just say something along the lines of: “I know sweetheart, but the money for a ring isn’t there yet and I want to be traditional and give you a proper proposal”.

So…. I’d still be waiting just like I am anyway lol 😛

Post # 21
Member
3308 posts
Sugar bee

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ljm308:  Absolutely agree with you. No way in HELL would I put (essentially) my life and our relationship and the decision to get engaged 100% in my SO’s hands. NO WAY. Hello…? My ovaries are only good until a certain age, and I have career and study choices to make which I also take engagement/marriage/future family into account while deciding what I’m going to do. Just NO.

Post # 22
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

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ljm308:  Well you can usually sense where their head is at and really listen to the other things they are saying. 

But we are both very old-fashioned, so it works for me and I’m happy letting him take the wheel and trust he will get us where we need to be. 

Post # 23
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2017

I wouldn’t ask because I know that my SO isn’t ready. I’ve never been very traditional or set on the man proposing, but I’ve made it pretty clear that I’d be ready in the next year. I want him to initiate to have him say he’s ready too. We’re in our late 20s though and enjoying life as it is, no angst here.

Post # 24
Member
1886 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Gorse Hill, Surrey, UK

we are engaged now, but part of me wishes I had just asked him rather than waited. I brought up marriage even though we had both sort of mentioned before we were in it for the long run, and then spent like a year finding my e ring. I sort of wish I had just asked him right at the beginning and then gone shopping, as looking for the ring always felt a bit strange without actually being engaged. I’m pretty sure he wouldnt have minded if i had asked, it would have taken some of the pressure off. 

Post # 25
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee

I’m pretty sure I’m probably the only one on the board where my Boyfriend or Best Friend is waiting for me to be ready. We discussed engagement and I told him a future will be good together, but I’m not quite ready.  He already got my ring, he’s just waiting for the green light. 

Post # 27
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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RoseDaisyLily:  My fiance is old fashioned too in many many ways, including wanting to be the one to propose to me, buy and choose the ring all by himself, etc.  Yet he recognized that our relationship isn’t his to decide; we are a partnership and equals.  It’s one thing to listen closely to what your partner is saying, but the guys I dated have not been good at taking subtle hints.  Dudes sometimes need you to bring it up directly.  There are so many ways to do it: “what are your thoughts on marriage?” “Where do you see our relationship in the next year?”  “What does marriage mean to you?”, etc.  The dude is only 1/2 of the relationship.  Even in relationships where the couple is overall pretty traditional women can still bring up the idea of marriage.  Essentially putting such a major life decision completely in someone else’s hands is such a huge risk.

Post # 28
Member
606 posts
Busy bee

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bluerainbow: Ladies don’t because we are generally ready before men and I don’t know a lot of women who could bring it up when THEY are ready, to be rejected and have that relationship be the same again. We are emotional creatures, we need affirmation any sign of rejection we tend to assume they no longer love us, that we did something wrong, that they will never want to marry us now or that they have no intentions to….even though they probably said later. LOL.

I’m not even an emotional girl and I know all those thoughts would go through my head if I brought it up with my Girlfriend and she said not yet. She’s already telling me not yet, because I have no ring! I think in 4 months it will be time….as I think that’s when she’s doing it.

Different strokes for different folks. I had a friend who told her bf no more kissing until they were engaged and he threw a ring at her from his glove box. They are now married, my friend looks like a controlling b*tch, he was no where near ready I can almost guarantee divorce (they had been dating 5 years), every time I see him I want to hug him and tell him it’ll all be ok. He looks like he’s had his soul sucked out. it wasn’t time. He wasn’t ready but they knew they wanted to be together so she pushed him.

It doesn’t always work out that way either. You gotta do what’s right by your relationship. Mine is to wait to be asked, she will when we are ready.

Post # 29
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

My partner and I love each other, talk about the future together and plan for that future together, but he’s not ready to get married right now (unless something has changed since our last talk.) I would marry him tomorrow if he was ready. 

If I brought up the subject today and said, “I want to marry you, let’s get engaged,” he would probably say, “that’s sweet My Love, but I’m not ready to take that step right now.” And that would be that. I have to respect his feelings on the matter because they are just as valid as mine, and I don’t want a half-hearted proposal.

Neither of us is going anywhere and there’s no rush, so I’m content to let him take as much time as he needs to get there. He shows me every day how devoted and committed he is, so I don’t feel like I need him to prove that to me with a proposal although I do want to marry him. 

Post # 30
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

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identicallists:  My SO is the exact same way! I would have written the same thing!

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