(Closed) What would make you leave?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I haven’t even thought about any of this in my current relationship b/c, well, I know my husband wouldn’t do that to me. He knows what is and isn’t ok, and he respects me enough not to do something that isn’t ok. We have the same morals and beliefs and that’s one of the reasons that we work so well together.

My ex, on the other hand, lied to me like crazy. I think like you said, he knew I would always take him back. For 7 1/2 years I did. And then it got to be too much, he told me a big lie straight to my face. And that was finally the end of it!

Post # 5
Member
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would try to make it work even in the toughest circumstances, but cheating is the one thing I can’t compromise on. I’d also have a hard time forgiving anyting that I consider disrespectful of our relationship. Strippers fall into this category which is why I tend to get passionate in those threads. Luckily we’re on the same page on that one.

Also I’ll probably get a lot of slack for this…I don’t condone domestic violence in the slightest bit, but a recent thread got me thinking about what I would do if my husband ever hit me. I don’t think I would leave right away. We would go to counseling. It would take a lot of healing and earning back my trust. But I think deep inside I would know that this is completely out of character for him and must’ve happened in a moment of temporary insanity. If he ever did it a second time, then I would leave. Of course this is all hypothetical, I don’t believe he would ever lay a finger on me.

Post # 6
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Cheating or abuse are the two things I would never tolerate, for anything else I would try counseling.

Post # 7
Member
7422 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Any of the traditional “3 A’s”:  Abuse, adultery, addiction.

I define abuse quite broadly to include any form of verbal or emotional abuse which is much too common these days from what I read on these boards.  It makes me feel sad.

Luckily, I’ve been with FH for 7 yrs, so I think I’m pretty sure of him.  But, I don’t take anything for granted.  I feel fortunate to be with a man who is just genuinely a kind & respectful person.

Post # 9
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If it were my fiance I would leave if there was cheating, dometic violence, drug use.  I would also leave a boyfriend if we disagreed on something such as having kids, if he didnt want to get married, if I found out he was lieing to me about something, if he wouldnt introduce me to his parents.

If it were my husband I would not leave him if he cheated once.  If he kept cheating I would leave him unless we had kids then I would stay together for the kids (I dont think this is the right choice for everyone it is just what I would do).  If he was violent to me or the children, if I found out he was a child molester (yes some women stay), if I found out he was gay, if he was addicted to drugs I would leave him if he was a danger to me or the children or after we had tried treatment.

This is all hypothetical though, except for the boyfriend part bc I have left bfs for these reasons.

Post # 11
Member
7422 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@happyb:

 

Why, thank you.  I do try.

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Being a shitbag. That sums up a lot of the previous comments for me. It’s hard to pinpoint them exactly, if that makes sense.

Also? Gross unhappiness. I can’t even fathom it, but it could be a culmination of things. Not that I wouldn’t try to make it work, but I wouldn’t sacrifice my own happiness for years and years if we are both trying and getting nowhere. I do believe in trying. But i also don’t believe in beating a dead horse and charades.

But there are definitely a few situations where I’d walk out the door and never look back. Marriage is a two-way street dude

Post # 13
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@ejs4y8: “being a shitbag:” exactly. i think of being in love as a mutual taking of responsibility for the other person emotionally, insofar as you can (ie, within the relationship; you can’t do much about how the “outside world” or mental health issues…). you don’t intentionally hurt the other person–you treat them with consideration and respect, because hurting them or seeing them hurt hurts you. and vice versa, it’s def a 2-way street. so, to me, being inconsiderate would be a deal breaker. not like, over little things or isolated events–everyone gets a little self-centered sometimes!–but a repeated and total disregard for how his behavior affects me and our relationship and, in the future, our kids, would be the last straw.   

Post # 14
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@ejs4y8: Yup, shitbags don’t live here, not now, not ever 🙂

Post # 15
Member
1820 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Abuse, for sure.  Addiction, I am not so sure.  It would depend on how willing he was to get treatment, stick with a program, rebuild his life,etc.  I see addiction as a disease rather than a bad behavior, and I promised in my wedding vows to stay in sickness and in health, so it would depend on how far the addiction went, i.e. whether the disease crossed into bad behavior.  Adultery is a tricky one.  Yes, I would most likely leave, but I am a lot fuzzier on this than I was before we were married… and a lot would depend on the circumstances.

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