Post # 1
I will try to be short with the situation but we are trying to be as delicate as possible but I am looking for some advice.
My parents promised to pay for the reception when we first got engaged. They came with us to look at venues and though Fiance and I weren’t sure about the cost of an all-inclusive venue they said, don’t worry about it we are paying. A few weeks later they put down the deposit for our date – January 26, 2013. And then in the middle of August my dad put down a second deposit. Total amount the venue has – $5500.
My parents are separating , my dad is worrying about may have to pay my mom if she takes him to court for spousal support (she doesn’t work but left him…there’s a whole side story on that). He sat down with us a few weeks ago to let us know to postpone it to later next year which we have done, this means we had to lose the first deposit. So now we have only $3000 down on the new date: Oct 19, 2013. Now he is saying he thinks he can pay about half of what’s owing as the price has gone up. I am freaking out. Even if we can save up that much money by next year, we still have a photographer that WE are paying for, half of my dress, the church and minister, the decorations for the church and the flowers. That is what we were supposed to pay for.
What I am asking is what would you do? Fiance and I cannot pay another 6 – 8K for the other half of the reception or the whole amount by next year. I don’t want my dad to lose his whole deposit there but we are leaning towards cancelling and doing a really DIY, cheap wedding instead next year with my Fiance and I paying for everything. I feel really guilty that my dad would lose more money but I think it would be less stressful then having to wait around to see if he can pay for the other half of it and just be generally stressed the eff out.
Sorry for the long story…I’m just not sure what to say anymore.
Post # 3
Your vendors wont apply the deposit youve already paid to another date (with that vendor still). You should go over your contracts.. In many of the contracts it says you will lose your deposit if you cancel the wedding all together… but if you change the date, they will just apply your deposit to the new date. (Although this doesn’t apply if you are changing your vendors/ venue).
If you are keeping the same venue, and vendors have an in person meeting with them and tell them the situation…. Theyre likely to want to keep you going with them, and transer your deposit (and get the money for the whole event), than to only take the deposit and likely not be able to rebook the date, as it is only 4 months away.
Post # 4
Wow. Well, I hope this doesn’t sound heartless but I think you should do what the two of you want to do. You have already chosen the venue your parents wanted and pushed back the wedding to accomidate their situation. I think that if you can’t afford the venue, it shouldn’t be your responsibility to keep it. I hope that doesn’t sound mean, I am not trying to be, but the dollars don’t lie and if you can’t pay for it, there’s truth to that. Good luck on the choice you make because I am sure its not an easy one. Talk to your dad and ask him if he will be offended if you choose another venue. Have you talked to the venue to see if you can’t at least get some of your deposit back. explain to them that there has been a life event that has taken place and their venue just isn’t feasable anymore. I am sure there is enough time for them to book another event and then they will just have your money for doing nothing. Its worth a try to talk to them.
Post # 5
Thanks bees. I appreciate the advice and the votes. It’s just an awful situation and I can’t help feeling guilty, no matter the decision. In hindsight, if I had known what I do now, I NEVER would’ve let them talk us into this venue, it’s wonderful in that it’s all inclusive but it’s so much money to put out for one day :S
@Ms.Meghann: that’s part of the issue. We’ve told our venue back in August that this happened and they’ve been pretty good with postponing the date to October of 2013. My dad said that would be fine (even with losing the first deposit) and he could swing it then and that’s why we did it. But now he’s saying that he can only do about half of it that’s where the problem lies. We honestly can’t afford to pay 6 or 7 grand to a venue on top of the photographer and all the other commitments we’ve made. Our photographer has switched our date without us losing our deposit to Oct and our minister/church did the same. So as of right now we are still set to go ahead with the new date. Everyone has been great with postponing…but I don’t want to wait several more years just to have it at the same reception spot, you know?
@turkey22: I am going to talk to my dad this weekend and ask if he would be offended if we decided just to do something smaller/different venue by ourselves. We were planning for a meeting with the venue anyway again (we’ve been in there twice now because of this situation) and seeing if they can come down in price for anything and if not we can cancel and see how much of a deposit we might be able to get back for my dad. I just feel awful, because I know it’s something my parents wanted to do for us but I know it’s going to put them into debt and it’s just not a good situation.
Post # 6
I would feel really awful if my dad lost out on that money – you already lost out on the initial deposit. My fiance and I are paying for 50% of our wedding with the remaining 50% being split by our parents. We made sure we had plenty of time to budget and have found that saving has actually been pretty easy for the wedding. Now, of course, I don’t know your financial situation, but perhaps you can stick with the commitments you’ve already made and still do a lot of DIY. Either that or I’d talk to your dad about it. Since he’s already invested in it, I think it’s only fair to see what he says. It is YOUR day, after all, but in my opinion, whoever is paying for the wedding, should have a say. If he’s ok with losing out on that money, then I say go for the DIY wedding.
Post # 7
@jlc3: I can imagine that it is a difficult situation for you and your family. Perhaps you wont get any money back from your deposit, but it never hurts to talk to them and who knows, maybe you can get some back and that would be helpful for your dad financially.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone for your advice and votes. I spoke with my dad and he isn’t offended/upset if we cancel fully. He actually advocated for it, because he doesn’t want anyone to be stressed including him thinking about where the money is coming from. Fiance is frustrated by all the back and forth and I’m stressing him out telling him every time my dad goes one way and then back again. So I really hope this all will work out and Fiance and I can plan the DIY wedding we can afford whenever that might be.
Next steps…speak with venue to see if it’s possible to squeeze a bit of the deposit back.
Thanks again everyone, I’m feeling a bit better already. 🙂
Post # 9
I am so sorry you are going through this!
While at first I’d want your dad to not loose out on ALL his money, I just see more stress down the road because you don’t actuallyhave any of his (generous) money in hand. That’s a big issue. I have seen so many times on these boards where parents promised money and it never materialzed despite best intentions.
I’d just save as much as you can, make a nice cushion and then plan the wedding using only your funds. If dad wants to give you a gift of money, ask him to write you a check and then you just add it to your own funds/wedding pot.
I think this is the only way to ensure that you don’t get another disappointment down the road.
Post # 10
What a difficult situation. I think you’re handling it well! Definitely try to save as much money as you can to help with the funding.