Post # 1
Hi Bees, going Anon on this one,
my SO and I are having problems. I think he’s getting bored with me. Our sex life does not exist, barely once a month maybe? Even then he has trouble getting hard. We don’t do fun activities anymore as he’s rarely up for suggestions of that nature, I’m feeling so insecure because he broke up with me 3 months ago and then took me back a couple days later. i can’t get over it and I feel like each day may be REALLY the last one in our relationship.
The worst part is I feel like I’m all to blame. I’m not some super exciting chick, I don’t make tons of cash or have tons of exciting events I can take him to. He thinks I don’t have any hobbies or interests, and that is partly true. I’m rather a quiet person. But what makes me so mad is I was VERY upfront about who I was and what I was about when we first met. I laid out all my expectations in the very,very beginning( looking to get married within a couple years, I’m quiet, Im a homebody, I don’t like very many outdoor activities) I asked him if he was onboard with all this before we got serious, he assured me he liked everything he saw and he was very into me in all these ways.
Well ladies, a year in things change, he doesn’t like my job anymore as he says it does not make enough $$ and he’s pushing me to change careers based on this, even tho I love my job, “don’t I want to contribute more?” he claims all the fun things to do he comes up with ( but he never goes for my suggestions) He doesn’t like to spend as much time with me anymore or show affection for me anymore. He just in general makes me feel less than him. he doesn’t want to get married anytime soon, maybe never. So to try to appease him and in the name of ” love” I’m trying to make him happy in everything, Ive recently said ” ok I don’t want to get married either then” ” ok I will try to find a different job, go back to school for something else” ect but as you can imagine I’m left feeling sad, hollow, unworthy ect. I know he senses this in me but seems annoyed at how sad I’m getting
Any thoughts on this are very much appreciated. I’m very confused.
Post # 3
@Anonhere: Oh sweetheart, I do not like this post very much at all. Mostly because my daughter is like you. Quiet and accommodating. And I hope she doesn’t change for anyone. I hope (someday, she’s only 13) she finds someone who loves her for who she is. You are not to blame. You are who you are. You shouldn’t change for anyone, you deserve someone who loves the real you. It’s one thing to encourage someone to run at their full potential and live out their dreams. It’s quite another to condescend and make them feel unworthy. You love your job, do you know how hard it is to find a job you love? Your wants and needs are important too. You do all this “in the name of love”, but what is he doing for you “in the name of love”? Love is a two way street. You deserve love too.
Post # 4
@Anonhere: it sounds like you need to leave. I hate to say it but you both sound like you arnt making eachother happy.. He should NOT be the one to determine whether you should get a new career. My personality is very similar to yours, homebody, etc, and if my Fiance ever told me I am boring or never bring up anything exciting to do, I would probanly tell him to suck it. No one should be putting you dowm for who you are, there is a person out there that fits you perfectly, in the sense that they will be happy with everything you bring to the table. Remember that you deserve to feel loved, wanted, and cherished in your relationship.. Not belittled.
Post # 5
Whilst any relationship involves some compromise, it sounds like your Fiance wants you to change your whole personality. If you’re to have a future with this man he should be head over heels with the real you, and you shouldn’t have to pretend to be something you’re not. I’m very quiet and introverted, and my Fiance does encourage me to come out of my shell, but he loves me for who I am and would never ask me to change.
I think you need to have a serious talk with your Fiance and one of the questions you should ask is “Do you still love me?” But it might also be worth asking iof there is anything else worrying him, financial stress perhaps. This could be affecting his performance in the bedroom and could explain a few of his comments too. And if he says he still loves you, he’s still attracted to you and there’s nothing external stressing him out then he should probably see a doctor to make sure there’s no medical cause of his erectile dysfunction.
Post # 6
@Anonhere: I would leave him. It seems like he’s the one who changed, he was previously ok with your lifestyle but suddenly he’s not. It sounds like he’s acting this way to make you leave him so he doesn’t have to deal with the drama of being the guy who broke up with you twice. You shouldn’t change yourself just to appease someone else and I’d leave quick before he has the chance to walk out on you again. What were his reasons for breaking up with you then taking you back? This may shed more light on what his intentions are. So sorry you are going through this.
Post # 7
If he isn’t happy with you and makes you feel worthless then I would suggest ending it and finding someone who does like you for who you are.
Post # 8
I feel this is more than the normal relationship compromise, and he needs to accept who you are or get going. JMHO