Post # 1
In 2012 my SIL bought a house in a developing subdivision. There were only about 3 houses total on the block at that time, with 2 empty properties on each side of SIL house. My husband and I talk about building and that it would be our ideal dream when we were ready. Somehow the property next to my SIL was mentioned and we looked into prices. Before it got any further I had a talk with SIL and BIL just to make sure it was okay if we eventually were to build there. My husband was a little more comfortable with the idea because it is his side of the family. But I had to make sure we weren’t intruding and that boundaries were set. We all were in agreement, contract was signed, and everything was set.
Two weeks after we bought our property, my MIL and FIL decided to buy the property between SIL and ours. The intention was to buy it and never build on it. (They are somewhat wealthy, so buying property for the sake of having it isn’t out of the ordinary.) Because it is on a cul-de-sac, parking is limited, and the IL’s bought the property in order to not have bothered anyone in between us if there was a gathering.
Fast forward to this week, we found out my husband’s little sister is pregnant. It is a fairly new relationship and she currently still lives with her parents. I then found out that my IL’s are planning on giving her the property between us and her sister. I was in shock to say the least, and now I don’t know what to do.
I had no idea my IL’s were planning on buying the property, much less have their youngest daughter build on it. I felt like I had to talk to my SIL before we bought the property, and no one felt the need to have the conversation with me before the IL’s bought, or even now when my youngest SIL is going to build.
Now I don’t know if I want to build there, or just sell the property and buy elsewhere. Since they are all family, I feel like they don’t understand where I am coming from. I want to make sure that I don’t have company everyday because it is so easy. If I mention the boundary issue with the youngest SIL, I’d feel bitchy or something.
Am I being unreasonable or are my concerns valid? Thoughts? I talked about it with my husband already, he knew where I was coming from but didn’t totally understand.
Post # 2
Yikes. Depends on how well you get along I guess, but even then it could get tricky. Noise, intrusion, babysitting even! I don’t have any advice here but just wanted you to know I would be concerned too. I could live next to my BIL but that’s 2 sets you have there, and with a baby on the way the IL’s will be there all the time too.
Post # 3
Also the new boyfriend, what’s he like?
Post # 4
crysxo: Oh no! I know it doesn’t help, but I don’t think I would’ve even bought the property because you just never know what’s going to happen. And then something happened! That’s just toooo close. If you sell and buy elsewhere would they understand??
Post # 5
Maybe I’m just way more family oriented than most, but I don’t really see the problem. If they aren’t overly intrusive people I would think it would be great to live so close to family. Are they the type to just waltz on over any time of the day?
Post # 6
RedHeadKel: I am debating my options, husband is on board with whatever I decide, but knowing the decision is mine is hard. As soon as I told my husband he started looking at houses else where.
I know eventually I need to talk to the younger SIL to let her know the same concerns I had with my other SIL, but since she’s so young, 22, I don’t know how well that will go over.
Shes so young, has never lived on her own, I guess I was hoping she wouldn’t choose the property as her first choice to live with a new baby.
Post # 7
morningcoffee: the boyfriend is young and works our of town for two weeks at a time, another sign that my IL’s might always be over.
Post # 8
I guess I don’t really understand… why is it okay to live by one sister and not both? Is it because the whole family is pretty much on the block now?
I think your only option is to move yourself or stay there and make the best of it. You can’t tell her you don’t want her living there when you asked to live next to the other SIL.
Post # 9
it really depends on the family. I life 5 minutes from my parents and still see my ILs more just because they are more…family oriented.
I could live next to my siblings because i know they would mind their own business. Put me next to my BIL and i would hang myself.
If you guys decide to sell and move it HAS to come as your husbands decision. If it comes from you they will resent you.
I totally get wanting your own space.
Post # 10
IzzyBear: I love that his family is so close, reminds me of my family as well. We talked about our kids always being able to grow up and play together. But with that being said, I was prepared for just one family with the occasional visit from the younger sister.
They aren’t the type of family to just waltz in, but they are close and love making dinner together watching tv shows together. If I choose to not go over I don’t want to be a ‘team player’.
I guess that’s my main concern. I want them to know that I may not want to see them every day, somewhat.
Post # 11
I think you were silly to think they’d never build on the property, of course they wanted to make it a family culdesac- I saw this problem coming from a mile away!
Post # 12
It really boils down to how much family-closeness and time spent together you can take. If I were in your shoes, there is no way in hell I would be able to handle THAT much shared space with my in-laws. But you might be different.
If you’re honest with yourself and find that this is not a situation you would be able to handle, then I suggest you pull out of the property ASAP and look for a different place. If you wait to do that AFTER your home is built and the younger SIL moves into the middle property, more than likely, your in-laws will definitely take offense and feel like you do not want to spend time with them.
Post # 13
I would just test the waters. You haven’t started building anything right? They bought the property and they can build on it for whomever they want.
If you live next to SILs for a little while and decided it’s too much, you can move and build elsewhere. If it turns out you really enjoy living so close then build!
Post # 14
crysxo: ok I gotcha. I can see how you’d be worried about that but I’m sure they’ll understand if you don’t want to be over their houses every night and that you want to just be home with your husband and enjoying your time together. It sounds like they’re very nice and understanding. Besides, you’ll definitely want to spend time enjoying your new house!
Post # 15
Of course the ILS were going to build on that property. And of course they have visions of one big happy family dropping into each others’ houses all throughout the day.
Now, you could find another property to buy. You could also just keep the property, build your home, and grow a backbone so you don’t feel compelled to play nice and be at the mercy of the family.
No one could make me feel bad for setting boundaries in my own home. You don’t want people over all day every day, so don’t allow it. You don’t want to go over to their houses all the time, so don’t. Simple.