(Closed) What would you do?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee

It’s sounds an awful lot nicer and less scary than the unknown neighbours who always have potential to be the neighbours from hell. But it could be pretty intense, it depends how close you are to them and how close you have the potential to be. Also, I love my siblings very much but not sure I could live next door to some of them so I totally get your worries. 

Post # 17
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee

I would not want to be that close to family, I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all. I’d quietly look for another property, then sell the one you bought. To explain your actions I would just say that you “fell in love” with the other house and realized it was actually perfect for you. No further explanation needed. 

Post # 19
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

Personally I would be thrilled and super excited about my (future) kids growing up with so much family close by. But I like my siblings and my FI’s siblings. We’ve even let one or two of them live with us for awhile.

Only you know if they are the types to violate boundaries and drop by your home every single day. I have a feeling though that all would be busy with their own lives and getting together will be much less frequent. How does your SO feel about it? 

Post # 20
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee

assuming you’re on good terms with all the family members involved I would keep the property and your plans but instate a firm “call ahead policy.” I think it would be wonderful to have family so close but I wouldn’t want to sacrifice my privacy and I would hope my family would understand that. None of them would have keys and there would be a very specific discussion about how they are welcome to come over but they must call before they show up on the doorstep and waltz right on in. they would also need to understand that if I say no, for any reason at all, that it’s not personal but we just want our privacy and that needs to be respected in order to maintain everybody’s happiness. 

As long as everybody’s on the same page, your situation could provide an incredible childhood for all kids involved and I would much rather have family as neighbors than risk someone crazy or loud living next door.

Post # 21
Member
7506 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

While personally I would not want to live that close to family, the hard reality is that whenever you buy a home or a plot of land, you have no control over who moves in next door.  I would focus on establishing solid boundaries rather than looking for somewhere else to live. You can always move a few years down the line if it is horrible, but you never know who will be next door in the next place too.

Post # 22
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

View original reply
crysxo:  To tell you the truth I would LOVE to be in your situation. 🙂 dinners and TV aside you can always set YOUR boundaries and they will learn to respect it. If your OH does mind ( seems like he does by jumping into the new search!) then its a diffrent story.

 

Is it about parking space? What if the IL decided to sell that plot and someone else moved in there? Or is it just the family thing?

Would be awesome for the little ones to play with their cousins! ( I grew up somewhat a loner without other kids around because we lived in an old district).

If you think parking will be a huge problem with families growing, then yes look elsewhere.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 12 months ago by  AnnaVictoria. Reason: spelling
Post # 23
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee

My mom lives, literally, next door to four sisters and a niece and nephew; its a townhouse development. Before I moved out I felt overwhelmed being surrounded by family. It was nice in some aspects: someone to keep an eye on my mom if I went out of town or if we needed to borrow some sugar etc but I felt like I had to tip toe around to keep family out of certain aspects of my private life because they lived SO close. I was relieved when I moved out.

Post # 24
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee

my post read like the four sisters live in one house, they all live in their own houses but next door to each other.

Post # 25
Member
4027 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
crysxo:  While it would have been nice to know, they really aren’t obligated to discuss their decision to buy or build with you or anyone else because it is a personal decision.

If you were fine living next to one family member, why not another one? Yes, she is young, but is there something about the other sister that makes you so adverse to the situation?

The reality is, no matter where you live, there is the possibility that your inlaws may want to visit all the time. The right thing, though hard, is to set boundaries. Be respectful, but also firm, IF it becomes a problem. Right now you are assuming they will always want to be at your place, but it may not even be a problem. I honestly wouldn’t even bring up the conern until it becomes an issue.

Post # 26
Member
2678 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I don’t even think I would want to live that close to my family haha.  I think as long as your husband sticks up for you & sets boundaries than I think it could all work out ..especially if you like/get along with his family.

Post # 27
Member
2789 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Gosh what a sucky situation!  I just want to say that whatever you are feeling is ok & you are entitled to feel anyway that do. If it were me, & it was my husband’s SIL,  I’d run really fast (I refuse to call her my SIL bc I despise her & have never met a more evil person before in my life). I do have a question though…is it the youngest SIL that you just don’t really care for or is it more about having 2 possible family members next door that bothers you? I’ve never had the house where everyone gravitates towards & always hangs out at so I personally would find that to be a rather fun situation…If I liked them that is! However,  sometimes when family gets too involved into each others lives, & some issue arrises, the battles are often worse. I’m jujust curious what your specific reservations about the situation are?

Post # 28
Member
5870 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
crysxo:  This is a really individual issue.  If I were in your shoes I’d have no problem with it and have actually always thought it would be cool to have all my family living on the same “compound” or sorts.  

Since you aren’t comefortable being so close to family, I’d consider moving.  Obviuosly you can’t ask them to do anything differnt with their property (their money, they own it out right) but if you aren’t happy with an “Everybody Loves Raymond” type of arrangement then talk to your DH and move.  

Personally though, I’d love it!

Post # 30
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I couldn’t handle a situation like this. I have no desire to live near my in-laws or my family. 

My husband and I live in our own little world because we both come from crazy and sometimes intrusive families.

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