(Closed) What would you do?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I would definitely confront the husband, and then the cousin. I don’t know, I hate cheating and I hate cheaters. My brother is polyamorous though and I know some couples are totally cool with Their partner being with someone else Romantically and physically. If it’s consensual that’s fine but if it’s not the cousin needs to know. 

Post # 3
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Depending on how close he is with his cousin and her husband I would call him out on it.  Some may disagree with that but otherwise he is stuck with this information.  No one wants to hold onto that kind of news.  He saw her husband kissing another woman, so it’s time to out him.

Post # 4
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MrsWe:  Your husband should tell his cousin. Do it casually, as if maybe it was something which was acceptable, in case she’s ok with it or there is some innocent explanation. But either way, she deserves to be informed. Let her decide how to handle it.

It makes no sense to tell the husband, because that forewarns him. 

Post # 5
8317 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

MrsWe:  Well, I would  tell them both. I became aware my friend’s husband ( also my longtime friend, and rather closer than her actually )  was  cheating and I told him that I knew and that I was going to tell her the next day, so it was up to him to tell her that  night if he wanted to be first  .

I hated being in the position and I hated doing it  , but I wasn’t going to be part of any secret keeping of that sort    , so I felt  I had to tell, but also that I was going to  be open to both about it .

I have remained good friends with both, though  their  marriage ended, mostly because of his  cheating.  

Post # 6
8504 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

Always a tough one but I don’t think I could keep this from someone. Maybe give the husband a chance to come clean before you tell her? Eitherway, it’s a crappy situation.

Post # 7
1307 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I say tell the cousin. Maybe confront the husband first, but I would definitely tell her. All I can think of, is that I would want someone to tell me.

Post # 9
5917 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s awful when someone finally separates from their spouse over cheating and discovers they are literally the last to know. Then they have to deal with the humiliation & betrayal of realizing everyone else has known and pitied her, even during the time she thought her marriage was good, but no-one came forward to warn her. They obviously don’t have an open relationship or the husband wouldn’t have acted so guilty. Please tell the cousin, she deserves to know even if it hurts her. The husband already knows he’s been caught out & he’s undoubtedly hoping your Fiance will keep some alleged Bro code and not tell- in other words, he’s counting on your FI’s complicity in all this. It’s a horrible, shitty position for him to put your Fiance in and yet he hasn’t even manned up enough to talk to your FI- and I’m guessing he hasn’t talked to his wife about it either.

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