(Closed) what would you do?

posted 4 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 2
Member
1053 posts
Bumble bee

Im pretty against inviting people to an engagement party and then not the wedding itself. in fact Im pretty sure this goes against all wedding etiquette- here is a bit from an article on wedding etiquette

There are few ironclad “rules” about wedding etiquette: 1) guests send a wedding gift; 2) couples thank guests for gifts with handwritten notes; 3) couples thank every guest in person at the wedding for attending; 4) couples make guests comfortable; 5) guests respect the wishes and customs of the bride and groom. And… anyone invited to a pre-wedding party must be invited to the wedding itself. There is no gracious way to ask someone to help you get ready for something that they won’t participate in — it’s like pulling the rug out from under them.

 

Just wanted to get that out of the way. Can you not postpone your honeymoon until after your FBILs wedding? I just feel like your Fiance could regret not going.

 

Post # 3
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Ok, so in terms of the Destination Wedding, your Future Brother-In-Law knows that you guys are getting married next year and they probably know the cost of a wedding. So I don’t think you have to compromise on that. You don’t have to go! Now if you want to, then that’s a different story but don’t feel pressured into going. I’m having a Destination Wedding and I totally understand that my cousin can’t make it b/c she’s getting married right before me. I get it! Think of it this way if your FBIL’s fiance came on here and complained because you couldn’t make it, I’d tell her that other people’s lives don’t revolve around you. So remember that your lives don’t revolve around everyone else. Do what’s best for you!! And remember that other people’s lives don’t revolve around you too.

I’m not big on e-parties personally. I didn’t have one. But if you want to have one, you could still do a smaller one with the close family and then have a bigger wedding with the 60-80 people. Just reverse what you have.

Go on your dream honeymoon! Way more important than an e-party imo.

Don’t compromise your life for others! It comes off as bitchy, but in the end you’ll be happier for it and so will your Fiance. Your wedding is about you two after all…

Post # 4
Member
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I wouldn’t postpone your honeymoon for their wedding. Go on your trip, and if/when they set a date you can deal with it then.

Post # 5
Member
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I would think it is very important that you and your future husband be in attendance at your future BIL’s wedding.  If I were you I would go to the Destination Wedding and extend your time there to combine it with your honeymoon.

Post # 6
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

I always thought E parties are pretty much right after the E, not a half a year later or combining them with a wedding..mmmm never heard of such thing. Id say scrap the entire E party and concentrate your wedding and the Destination Wedding of your relative.

Post # 7
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

janedw:  Frankly, who cares about wedding etiquette? I mean, obviously you do, but why does it actually matter? Shouldn’t people be free to do whatever they want when it comes to how they want to celebrate THEIR marriage? (within reason, of course.)

And to OP: Continuing with the frankness, first come, first serve. You two got engaged before them. I honestly think it’s a bit rude for your FI’s bro to plan his wedding so close to yours and expect you to be able to afford both but hey, they have a right to do what they want with their wedding too. Is there any way you can minimize the size of your celebration so that the cost is low and you can still afford the honeymoon and the DW? I would just be worried that if you chose the honeymoon over bro’s wedding, you guys would regret missing it or it would cause a rift in the relationship. His bro’s wedding is a one time thing (hopefully) but you can go on a honeymoon any time…right? And I totally understand what you’re saying about constantly compromising for others. I’ve done a lot of that for my wedding too and it gets old. Welcome to marriage! lol

Post # 8
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Rock Island Lake Club

Don’t feel bad about possibly missing his brothers wedding.  Go on the honeymoon you want to go on, you only get to do it once!  I’m in a similar situation with my brother, he’s planning his second wedding 2 months after my honeymoon and I refuse to skimp on our trip for his.  May sound bad, but if you’ve been dreaming of going across Europe, I don’t think you should let another wedding stop you. 

Post # 9
Member
2037 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

My wedding is bigger than I ever wanted, 60 people as opposed to 20. It’s also much more traditional. I felt sad about this and briefly looked into how much we would lose if we were to elope. The truth is, I have the wedding that I’ve got due to the situation at the time, I can’t change that. With hindsight the big formal wedding is turning out for the best, it’s been a rubbish year and so everyone is looking forward to a big, formal, fancy wedding -a chance to celebrate with everyone. Yes, I’ve compromised but my other circumstances outweigh the dream wedding. 

I think if my partners brother missed our wedding (especially if we’d been to his) I’d be really upset. You maybe need to consider how this will affect your partners relationship with not only his brother but also his parents and other family members.

Perhaps you could take a mini-moon, save up and do a mega-Europe trip in 2017. Most places will apply the same honeymoon benefits to your room if you’re travelling on an anniversary. Only you and your partner can decide if the compromise is worth it but just because you’re compromising it doesn’t mean you can’t have a wonderful wedding, it just means it’s different then you envisioned (which lets be honest wedding days rarely go to plan so those who do some compromising before the date are a little ahead of the curve and can just enjoy the day 😛).

Post # 10
Hostess
8681 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

I don’t really see the point in e – parties, that aside.  I would go on my honeymoon and if I couldn’t afford to go to the wedding wouldn’t.  

Post # 10
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

How can you roll an engagement party and a wedding into one?

Post # 15
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

ourhait:  So culturally it’s okay to throw a party for 60 people announcing your engagement but it would be okay to not invite these same people to the wedding?

If you’re combining the e-party with the wedding, then aren’t you now skipping the e-party and creating a reception? Because you can’t really have an engagement party the same day as your wedding…. I’m really confused about all of this.

Anyway, as far as the FBIL’s wedding. Well, first, he’s not even engaged yet so I don’t know how they’ve already proclaimed a Destination Wedding in November. Who knows if it will even turn out that way. Second, you’ve been planning this honeymoon first (again…not even engaged yet) so DO NOT change your plans on supposed future plans (that aren’t even in motion yet). Not having you at the wedding is the risk they take by having a Destination Wedding and they’ll have to understand that. Just make it clear from the start that you won’t be able to go. If anyone should changed plans around, IMO, it should be them (since your plans were set first… and they aren’t engaged yet). Like PP said, if Future Brother-In-Law was the one posting now how he plans to have a Destination Wedding next Nov even though he hasn’t proposed yet and he’s mad that his brother and Future Sister-In-Law won’t be able to make it because they have a planned honeymoon, we’d all be telling him that’s his problem and he can’t expect you two to change your plans for him.

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