(Closed) What would you do?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh goodness. Wow. Well, it sounds a lot like my old best friend. She got into a serious relationship and fell off the earth. I met my Fiance, then boyfriend of course, and she wasn’t the least bit interested in hearing about us when I did get ahold of her. Now they are also engaged, she’s had a baby with said Fiance and she’s no where to be found. We are now just "acquaintences".

What have you said when you did get ahold of her or left a voicemail? What were her responses?

Post # 5
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I have friends that are like that and its really tough, but I just accept that it’s how they are or how things are right now in their life. It doesn’t make it any less annoying though! I just try to remember that whenever I do see them it’s still a ton of fun and I still care about them.

 Have you tried all the different forms of communication? Email, facebook, letter?

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

Honestly I don’t think it’s a big deal.  People do have their own lives that unfortunately keep them out of touch sometimes.  there have been periods where I dont talk to my closest friends for a while.  Sometimes life just takes over.

If there is something specific you need from her, or for her to do, just be direct in you rmessage/email/text.  people are more likely to respond to specific requests than to a general, "hey what’s up" message.

Post # 7
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Haha your bridesmaid kind of sounds like the bride in the wedding I’m a Bridesmaid or Best Man in this weekend. She dropped off the face of the earth for months and none of us knew what we were supposed to be doing, when anything was happening, etc.

I agree that people’s lives tend to take over sometimes, and I know personally I have had times when I’ve fallen off the face of the earth briefly. If you need something from her then be straight up and she might respond. If you’re just looking to catch up or something, though, she might just not have time for it. I can understand how, as your bridesmaid, you feel she should be there for you and be in contact, but as much as it sucks, that’s just not how the cookie crumbles sometimes. If it’s really upsetting you then say something to her about it, but you may just need to let it go.

Post # 9
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

That’s the way my old friend way. I think it’s weird, honestly. Makes you wonder what she could be SOO busy with that she can’t even reply to a text or call you one evening. I’m sorry, but no one is that busy–unless you are the President!

Post # 11
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Is your wedding coming up really soon, or still a ways away.  If it’s coming up soon and you need her to help with some last minute things, I can understand feeling like she really needs to be there for you.  But if your wedding is a ways away, is it possible she’s kind of fed up with wedding stuff?  Are you bombarding her with all kinds of wedding talk?  (Sometimes people can just get plain old bored with it.)

Also, when you say she’s preoccupied with her own relationship, what’s that about?  Is she dating someone, hoping he’ll propose?  Maybe she’s jealous,  Murky waters…  Sometimes weddings can bring out the worst in people.  They can make girls want their boyfriends to propose, when they’re not even sure they want to marry the guy.

I would give her a little space, if you havetime.  But eventually track her down and have a chat.  I wouldn’t go about it as, you’re my Bridesmaid or Best Man, why haven’t you been there for me.  But rather just about how you miss her and haven’t seen her in ages.  And ask her how her life is going.  Maybe you’ll stumble on some life crisis to explain it all, without having to get inot the unpleasant details of her absence.

Post # 14
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Perhaps it’s not intentional on her part….sometimes life just gets crazy and you look up and realize it’s been weeks since you had a free moment to pick up the phone.  It stinks and I HATE it when it happens (both to me and when I realize that’s how I’ve been)…but it happens.  Honestly I think my longest known friend (23 years now) and I are the worst but we’re always as if no time has passed when we do talk.  Weddings are crazy, and I found I was more sensitive to not hearing from her during the months leading up to the ceremony.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel hurt…I think that’s a very valid emotion to feel.  I guess I’m just saying that after 10 years of speaking every week give her the benfit of just being "caught up with life" at the moment.  If she’s talking marriage with her boy she might also not want to risk seeming as if she’s crowding "your day".  When you do talk to her again…and you will….try to calmly let her know that you’ve been worried about her and miss not talking to her as frequently as before.  For what it’s worth my friend and I have been back to normal in the weeks post-wedding and it’s been nice to catch up on the missed few months.

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