Post # 1
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
Hey, Bees
Sorry, I feel like I talk about this all the time now, but it’s really bothering me. FI’s brother will be going to bootcamp about a month after our wedding, and he’ll have done the ROTC program.
He wants to wear his uniform, I don’t want him to because Fiance isn’t in the military and I want Fiance to be the one standing out, not Future Brother-In-Law. I asked Fiance to speak to him and try to convince him to wear a suit like everyone else.
Fiance told me a few days ago that he’ll only be in the wedding party if he can wear his uniform. At this point, I’m very inclined to have him sit with his parents and not stand up with us. I would have no hesitation whatsoever except that my Fiance obviously wants his brother up there with him.
Post # 3
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
My brother-in-law wore his dress blues(maybe??) to my brothers wedding and i’m assuming he is going to be in some sort of army uniform at mine, and he wasn’t/isn’t in the wedding(s). i believe they may have to…not 100% sure on that though. i don’t have a problem with it though.
Post # 4
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: May 2011 - Vandiver Inn
I think you’re going to have to leave the decision up to your Fiance. Since it’s his brother and your concerns are for him anyway, it’s just about the only thing that can be done. That way your Fiance will be 100% comfortable with whatever decision is made. (Versus you deciding to tell his brother to pound sand and Fiance being hurt that he is not standing beside him.)
That being said, if it were my choice he would not stand at all. It’s not so much about the uniform at that point to me, it’s about the fact that he is trying to make his brother’s wedding all about himself. But then, I am sorta touchy and stubborn, so that’s just me.
Post # 5
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
I could understand it if it were a military wedding, but since your FI’s not military and no one else is, I don’t think it’s really appropriate.
Post # 6
Member
4511 posts
Honey bee
I don’t think it’s worth forcing your Future Brother-In-Law out of the wedding party over this. Your Fiance will stand out anyway, trust me, just by being the groom. The groomsmen could all be wearing different colored neon body suits, and your Fiance would still be the one to stand out.
I hear where you’re coming from, but I don’t think it’s worth the emotional energy to fight it. Just let it go.
Post # 7
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
@sarbear2814: He doesn’t have to. I’ve asked several friends who are/were in the Army.
@lox: Fiance doesn’t see the problem with things not matching, so he doesn’t really care. I have a lot of problems with Future Brother-In-Law anyway, so maybe I’m too touchy, but my mom has done a lot to give us a great wedding, and I just want to cry when I think about Future Brother-In-Law being the one standing out in photos instead of Fiance. 🙁
@ Mrs. Grape: I don’t think so either.
@stillme: Maybe I’m being a baby? But I don’t see why he gets to be the one to make an ultimatum. It’s not his wedding, we’ve offered to even pay for the suit rental. FI’s a shy, quiet guy (a lot like me), and I feel like he deserves one day in the spotlight.
Post # 8
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
urgh I have such an issue with military personnel wearing their uniforms EVERYWHERE. I’m sorry but your work uniform is not interchangeable with a formal suit or tuxedo. I just don’t get why people do this. Is it for attention? You don’t see any other profession showing up to formal events in their uniform (police officers, pilots, judges, etc).
Part of being in the wedding party is wearing the appropriate attire as chosen by the bride and groom. THat’s pretty much all that is expected of him. So if he can’t put aside his ego for one day and do that simple thing, then maybe there’s no reason for him to be in the wedding party to begin with.
I would tell him that you would love to have him in the party in a matching suit/tux. But if he prefers to wear his uniform, (which is inappropriate for even a guest IMHO), then you would understand why he would have to pull out of being a groomsman.
Post # 9
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
@Meowkers: The super fun part about this is that he won’t even let me be facebook friends with him, so I don’t really have any way to contact him.
I’ve had to have Fiance communicate with him on my behalf, which is getting really old. Maybe I’ll start trying to talk to him through facebook friend requests, lol.
Post # 10
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
HOnestly, I would just let him wear it. The spotlight will still be on your FI–everyone will know who the groom is, and the only pictures that your Future Brother-In-Law will be in will be the family pictures, when no one is matching anyway, and the group shots, in which case, you and your Fiance will be front and center. It sounds like your Fiance is fine with him wearing his uniform, and I don’t think it’s worth it to alienate your Future Brother-In-Law and potentially make your Fiance upset as well.
Post # 11
Member
4511 posts
Honey bee
@jo.lee: No, I totally see where you’re coming from. I don’t think you’re being a baby at all. But I do think that in the end, it won’t be worth the fuss and whatever hurt feelings/resentment your Future Brother-In-Law will have. If your Fiance doesn’t mind, and it’s his brother, then it’s not worth the argument.
Post # 12
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
i would let him wear it too. i understand why you’re upset. i had a situation where my Mother-In-Law chose the dress she was wearing before i could figure out what I wanted everyone else to wear. Once I had my moment of complaint to Darling Husband (she couldn’t return the $400 dress), I realized it wasn’t worth it and the amount of time that people’s eyes would be on her was minimal. In the end, both my mom and Mother-In-Law co-ordinated and looked great and I’m glad I didn’t make a huge deal out of it.
Yes, it’s your Future Brother-In-Law, but that’s going to be your family too. He’s proud of his service to our country and I think there are much worse things that he could want to represent on your wedding day!
Post # 13
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
I said it before and I’ll say it again, your wedding, not his and it is not a military event. I really don’t think it shold be up for disscussion in the first place. GM’s are told what to wear not the other way around. I really don’t see this any diferent than a UPS guy wanting to wear his brown shirt and shorts, that’s his job which has nothing to do with your wedding.
Post # 14
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
I’m sorry but if he has only been in ROTC and won’t even have been to boot camp yet then no I don’t think he should wear it. Especially since your Fiance isn’t in the military, because at least where I’m from I’m used to ROTC being the program kids do in high school and doesn’t mean you are even in the military.
Post # 15
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee
@Meowkers:
urgh I have such an issue with military personnel wearing their uniforms EVERYWHERE. I’m sorry but your work uniform is not interchangeable with a formal suit or tuxedo.
Actually, it is. And Dress uniforms are not work uniforms, combats or other chosen ones are the ones they wear on a daily basis. You can hardly equate a military dress uniform with a pilots uni or a judge’s cape.
And FYI: Police do have a dress uniform as well.
Post # 16
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
I agree with mbk318. He is not even enlisted or commissioned YET. He’s not military personel. Why should he wear a uniform? To a non-military event even. This is like someone who will start medical school after your wedding showing up in scrubs. FH is a veteran and he would probably have a fit if he heard that.
