(Closed) What would you do?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

THAT’S your favorite aunt? What are the rest like? Seriously, No way. It’s your wedding; don’t cave to blackmail.

Post # 4
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

The gall!  Yeow!  That’s so incredibly rude of your aunt.  I’m speechless.

I’m sorry your aunt treated you that way, and she is probably more upset over the fact that she’s always wanted you and her daughter to be closer than you are in reality.

DON’T dwell on it.  It will only make things worse.  

I’d write a letter to my aunt and tell her that you are disappointed with her decision, that she’ll be missed, and to let you know if she changes her mind about attending. 

Post # 5
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee

I know its hard not to worry about it, but you need to enjoy your day!!!  I dont understand why your favorite aunt would do that to you.  Did she think you were going to ask her daughter to be a bridesmaid?  Either way, that is your decision and completely uncalled for her to boycott your wedding because her daughter isnt a part of it.  Im sorry you have to deal with this, but I would not make her a bridesmaid if you dont want her to be.

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

how old is the aunts daughter (which makes her your cousin right?)  either way, your aunt is being BEYOND RUDE and demanding and thats not fair to you. i would do nothing and def would not invite her daugther to be part of the bridal party.  keep her on the yes list because i wouldnt be surprised if she showed up after she realizes her demands were ignored

goodluck – this is such a wrong thing to be done to you

Post # 7
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

First, your wedding is 2 months away.  This is the first you’re hearing that she’s upset?  I mean what could you really do now anyway?

So do you know if the cousin is upset?  Are you close to her?  If she’s your favorite aunt, is there something else going on?  Because it sounds like either she’s not that super, or taking advantage of your relationship. 

Ultimately, I don’t think I’d back down to her.  I might talk to the cousin, to smooth things over if she’s feeling hurt.  Or if the cousin isn’t feeling hurt, see if she can help sort out why her mom is lashing out.

Good luck.

Post # 10
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee

Good for you!!!  She will be the one regretting that she didnt attend.

Post # 11
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

trying to see what the aunts problem is… do you have bm’s and if yes how many and are they family related? 

 

Post # 13
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club

I really wish that weddings could be drama-free, but alas, it is so sad that it can’t be that way!

 

It is so disheartening that someone (a family member no less!) would bow out of attending your wedding because of one detail.  I would try not to lose sleep over it, because it is your day, and as much as I hate to say it…if she would be there with a negative attitude, perhaps its better that she isn’t bringing down the event.  Hopefully she’ll see the light and realize that it is your wedding, and that you weren’t purposely trying to hurt her feelings.  There is no way that you could please everyone…for heaven’s sake, if we did that, you’d have 20 bridesmaids! 

Post # 15
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Well, a couple of questions.  So you have a favorite aunt.  Her daughter isn’t a bridesmaid, but you have three other cousins that are BMs?  Are they all cousins from the same side of the family?  How close in age are the cousins you chose over the one you didn’t?  How much closer are you to these three cousins, over this other cousin?  Do you have many cousins?  Did your mom think this could be a problem?

I could see this potentially being a situation like if you ask one you need to ask them all.  (I’m not sure how your cousin situation plays out.  But like if you have four friends from high school and you were all a group, you couldn’t just ask one to be in the wedding.  It’s kind of all or nothing.  At least that’s how I look at it.)  So if the cousins were on some sort of even playing field, I guess I could see why someone would be hurt. 

Although, I will say that your aunt making ulitmatums abou it, is not in good taste.  I mean how good could it possibly feel for her or her daughter, if you had her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, just beause you were bullied?  I really don’t think anyone would feel any better about it. 

Post # 16
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think that this is the toughest situation and one of the biggest stressors for brides.  I don’t think guys go through as much stress about groomsmen as we do bridesmaids.

 In the end you have to do what’s right for you.  It is not your aunt’s or your cousin’s wedding, it’s your wedding.  And while family is taken into consideration I feel like you did that by asking her to be a hostess.

 When talking with your aunt I wouldn’t ever utter the words, "I’m sorry" about it.  Because you shouldn’t.  No one has the right to make you feel bad about your decisions, as long as they are thought out and what you and your fiance want.  

Good luck! Keep us posted…

 

  

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