(Closed) What would you do?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Depends. Since it seems you guys aren’t close to him at all I probably wouldn’t. I wouldn’t say anything like “You didn’t come to mine so I’m not coming to yours” because that sounds childish, but if you and your Fiance are indifferent towards him I probably wouldn’t.

Post # 4
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Do you have anything better to do that night?

I probably wouldn’t bring a gift or if I did it would be small one (based on your relationship with him, not because he didn’t get you anything) but would probably still attend if I didn’t have any other plans.

Post # 5
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@shellyjean:  I probably wouldn’t attend, but if you did you might be okay with just bringing a card.

Post # 6
3344 posts
Sugar bee

I do not decide to attend an event based on the hosts attendence at my event or whether or not they gave a gift.  Go if you want to celebtrate with them.

You do not have to give a gift.  But I do think if you feel close enough to attend the event, that you should want to give them something in celebration.  If you do not, then perhaps you aren’t that close.


Post # 7
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Given the things you mentioned I’d feel less inclined to attend. The real question is if you are interested in maintaining this friendship. If you are, then you should go. If you’re okay with just letting this friendship fade, then don’t bother.

Post # 8
3 posts
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would go, but won’t bring a gift.

Post # 9
15346 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
@katsupgirl: my thoughts exactly. 

Post # 11
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would probably go, just because I like going to other people’s weddings. Plus, perhaps there would be mutual friends there that I haven’t seen for a while. At most people’s weddings, you spend very little time with the couple and much more time with other people.

I might get a token gift if I was going, but perhaps not too extravagant.

Post # 12
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

If it were me,  I’d do neither.

Post # 13
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I might go if there were other friends attending. Otherwise I wouldn’t go or gift them anything.

He obviously didn’t care about attending your wedding or put any thought into even a basic card; why reciprocate? It seems like neither of you value your friendship (which isn’t a bad thing); just not close enough to give gifts or really get excited about either person’s wedding. 

Post # 14
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

First, I think a lot of people believe they are supposed to include registry or gift information with the invitation. Stores go out of their way to further this idea by providing registry cards to be included with invitations. I don’t really judge on this, since I’ve seen a lot of people that I know don’t care about the gifts include these in their invitations because they think it’s proper etiquette.

Second, if you want to go to the wedding, go. If you don’t, don’t. This isn’t someone you’re really close to and an invitation is just that–an invitation. I think if you do go, you should bring a small gift.

Post # 15
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is a tough one. Although it’s tempting to go eye for an eye.. I’d say be the more generous person. Going to the party won’t cost you more than an evening and you might enjoy your time with the other guests. 

As for a gift… why not get him something small? I don’t know how much you usually spend on a wedding gift, but maybe you can find a salad spinner for $20 or so on their list. You will thereby have given a gift, shown social grace but not gone all out.

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