(Closed) what would you do?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I found out my now husband was still hung-up on someone while we were engaged.  It had also been an issue when we first started dating, so clearly I thought we had resolved it.  During the engagment, I found emails that were just a hair too past casual for me to overlook, and I made him hash it out with me.  We went to pre-marital counseling specifically for it.  I can go to him now without the whole “insecurity” issue coming up and I can reassure myself that he is 100% into me and our relationship, so the difficult talk and subsequent therapy really helped.  He never actually said to my face that I was just being insecure, but he did try to avoid the issue by saying what I wanted to hear.  It took me saying I would end the engagment and walk if he continued to leave me with doubts. 

On the flip side, as an ex who maintains a friendly relationship b/c of a child… if he were to change his approach with me or flat out tell me we needed different boundaries, I’d back off.  I’m friendly with his new Girlfriend b/c I genuinely like her and want the best for them.  I don’t want anything to break them up, much less me.  I wouldn’t want to go too far to the other extreme and only say hello and goodbye/ here’s our son… but I’d do whatever was needed to find the right balance for her.

 

Post # 19
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I did marry my ex – husband fulling “knowing” in the back of my mind he wasn’t over his first wife.  He reassured me he hated her.  A year and a half later he was kicking my ass out telling me he was never over her!  Should have listened to my feeling.  I am sure he will never  be over her.  UGH What a waste of my life!

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