- 10 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
I found out my now husband was still hung-up on someone while we were engaged. It had also been an issue when we first started dating, so clearly I thought we had resolved it. During the engagment, I found emails that were just a hair too past casual for me to overlook, and I made him hash it out with me. We went to pre-marital counseling specifically for it. I can go to him now without the whole “insecurity” issue coming up and I can reassure myself that he is 100% into me and our relationship, so the difficult talk and subsequent therapy really helped. He never actually said to my face that I was just being insecure, but he did try to avoid the issue by saying what I wanted to hear. It took me saying I would end the engagment and walk if he continued to leave me with doubts.
On the flip side, as an ex who maintains a friendly relationship b/c of a child… if he were to change his approach with me or flat out tell me we needed different boundaries, I’d back off. I’m friendly with his new Girlfriend b/c I genuinely like her and want the best for them. I don’t want anything to break them up, much less me. I wouldn’t want to go too far to the other extreme and only say hello and goodbye/ here’s our son… but I’d do whatever was needed to find the right balance for her.