Post # 1
I have a confession, bees, I’m an addict of Dear Prudence. Today I was reading one of the letters and I had to admit, I’m not sure what I’d do! I wanted other people’s take.
Here is the original link:
And the letter:
My wedding is around the corner, and mostly I’ve been a pretty cool bride. However, my bridesmaids are wearing revealing strapless dresses and one of my bridesmaids has a terminal case of hairy legs and pits. I have a suspicion that I’m not supposed to ask my bridesmaid to shave, but I’d like to. My fiancé is pretty insistent upon it. One of my friends was in a wedding a few years ago where one of the bridesmaids apparently had lots of armpit hair on display, and that is her most indelible memory of someone else’s very expensive, very carefully planned day. Do I share with my bridesmaid my friend’s experience and my own preference for a hairless ceremony? I do get to plan the aesthetics of the day, but does this include underarms? What should I do?
—I Either Do or I Don’t
Check out her post for what she said, but what would YOU do?
Post # 3
Oh boy….. totally depends on whether she’s neglecting to shave based on laziness or on principle.
Post # 4
One of my bridesmaids has this issue as well. But because my other friends and I have never kept it a secret that we dont like it, I will def be checking her underarms at the rehearsal. I dont mind the legs but the underarm hair must be handled.
Post # 5
THIS is not attractive. I would make her shave.
Post # 6
@Luvnseptember: I’m totally with you on armpit hair (frankly, it freaks me out a little), but what if it is a personal choice? I have a few very natural friends when I was in university and I think they would have beaten me with a stick for even bringing up this topic!
Post # 7
If this is what you care about on your wedding day, then you’re doing it wrong.
Post # 8
I agree with @Taeyers: If she’s not shaving because she’s just lazy and forgets, then sure, be like, “hey, totally excited for Saturday! Bee-tee-dubs, I’ve got a Venus Embrace you can use.” Or better yet, just include it in her BM gift.
If she doesn’t shave because that’s her thing, then….well, you knew that going in to the situation – that falls under asking a BM to cover a tattoo or get contacts for a day – it’s part of her, and if you don’t love her with the hair/tattoo/glasses, then she’s probably not close enough to be a BM.
Post # 9
I think I would approach her and frame it as, “I don’t want to ask you to do anything you’re really opposed to doing, and so if you say ‘no’ it will be fine, but if you don’t have strong feelings either way, I would really appreciate it if you could shave your underarms.” (And I would mean it – it really would be fine either way, but if she’d be willing to indulge my preferences for the day I’d be grateful.)
And a bridesmaid who picked out a strapless dress (as one of mine has) would (will) be getting a pashmina as a gift, to cover their shoulders for the ceremony in our relatively conservative church, and so if the person responded, “I actually have a big problem bowing to the patriarchal hegemonic whatever whatever and I’d prefer not to shave,” it would be fine.
Post # 10
@StL.Ashley: This was my thinking, too. If you are close enough to someone that you would ask them to be in your wedding, something like this shouldn’t be a surprise, and it’s something that you should take into consideration before asking.
Also, yeah, is she not shaving because she’s lazy or has really sensitive skin? Or doing it on principle?
Post # 11
Why wouldn’t you pick a dress with sleeves or a little jacket if you knew one of your bridesmaids doesn’t shave and you didn’t want it on display? It seems to me the dress choice is the problem, so I don’t think it would be right to ask her to shave if that is part of who she is.
Post # 12
I voted other because if I chose someone who didn’t wanna shave their armpits…I’d have put them in a dress w/sleeves. I mean, that to me…at least is what makes sense.
Post # 13
Oh my god. I can’t imagine knowing someone who doesn’t shave…whether it’s their armpits or their legs! Yikes…..and holy ew. I don’t agree that if you want them to shave/change something about themselves, then you must not love them enough. I love all of my friends dearly, but no way in hell would someone be in my bridal party with a hairy situation. While I wouldn’t ask (but I’d hope), my friends who wear glasses normally always wear contacts for formal occasions…there’s a time and a place, and a wedding isn’t the time or place for hair everywhere.
Post # 14
@WhatMaeBee: Wow, I don’t know anyone who has as much interest in others’ shaving habits as you seem to. That’s interesting. I’m glad you don’t know anyone who chooses not to shave, too.
Are you seriously going to ask your friends to wear contacts? Am I reading that right?
Letter-writer who wrote to Prudie is a crappy friend who thinks of her bridesmaids as props, not people. I don’t understand how anyone thinks that getting married gives you license to dicate your friends’ very personal choices.
Post # 15
Omg just get a bolero and move on.
Post # 16
If you know this person well enough to invote her to be a BM, why did you pick that dress? seriously that is just poor planning on the writer’s part!