Post # 1
Background: i have a guy friend from highschool that was never ever ever more than just a friend. We haven’t hung out since high school and we would occasionally text a tiny bit to just catch up, like once or twice a year. On the ocassion that we would text, I would show my then-boyfriend (now husband) the texts and would keep him involved during our texting. When my husband and I first started dating, he decided he didn’t like this friend bc he had told me he hopes I’m doing okay and that I have a good personality and will go far in life. Well my husband decided that means this guy likes me romantically and told me I needed to cut him out of my life. So I replied to my friend that we can’t text anymore and I deleted his phone number. I had always felt bad about that but never told my husband my feelings of feeling bad. My husband just had no reason not to like him and me and him used to be close but I had to throw away the friendship when my husband and I dated. (My previous serious relationship was cool with this guy and allowed me to even go get lunch when the friend was in town…no threat).
fast forward: now husband and I are married and are pregnant. I recently got my Facebook back after deactivating it for a while so all of my previous friends are still on there including that friend. I posted a “bump” picture yesterday and this friend commented on there joking around that i would name the kid after him. I replied back that it was funny and then put the actual name we’re naming him. He replies and said “okay but his code name will be so-and-so” and I just replied “right, we’ll go with that”. And that was it. All public postings and all innocent. My husband is now mad and “expects his wife to change things if he’s not comfortable. What actions will you take to make this better?”
so what are your thoughts on this?? I think it’s totally unnecessary to block him on Facebook bc we don’t even talk (just like I don’t talk to more than 3 people on Facebook anyway), the most that we talk is the occasional comment on something and that’s as far as anything goes.
Post # 2
Your husband is being unreasonable. If I had an acquaintance/friend who I had no romantic background with and my Fiance didn’t like it, I’d tell him to get over it.
Post # 3
lovelylovely: I would be peeved if I was your Darling Husband and saw another guy “joke” about naming my baby after him. Wtf?
I think you just need to keep your distance with this friend. A little catching up here and there I think is fine, but his comment went a little too far.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
It’s not like you guys are doing anything shady or behind closed doors. It’s all out in the open for everyone to see. He’s free to express that he’s uncomfortable and you’re free to take action based on that, but in no way does he get to tell you who you can and cannot be friends with.
Post # 5
lovelylovely: I think that your husband should lighten up a bit.. But it isn’t a bad thing that he is protective over you. I would just do what malee my husband most comfortable (even if he is veering on being too protective) because I think no relationship or friendship is more important than your marriage
Post # 6
Agreeing with above poster that the guy’s comment is completely inappropriate.
Post # 7
Oh good grief, I don’t see what the big deal is. Your husband needs to lighten up. If someone joked about me naming my kid after him, my husband would laugh and not give it another thought. I think people are way too sensitive, particularly when there’s no reason to be worried.
Post # 8
It would drive me crazy if my husband got uoset over such a stupid interaction with someone you haven’t seen or talked to in years. You are MARRIED so obviously you love your husband and have promised to be faithful to him. Your husband needs to get on board and trust that you are true to your vows.
Post # 9
Do you have any other guy friends? Is your guy friend physically attractive? Not that you’re attracted to him, but would he be considered physically attractive by others? Your husband sounds very insecure. On one hand you should be free to be friends with whoever you want, but I don’t think it’s worth upsetting your husband over an acqaintance.
Post # 10
The part that bothers me even more than your husband’s overreaction is that he now expects you to guess at what will make him happy (“what actions will you take to make this better?”) like you transgressed and need to make it up to him. You can’t control what someone else says or does, and if he wants you to do something specific he needs to say so.
That being said, the guy’s comment was weird. Who says that to someone they haven’t talked to in years? I’d consider at least adjusting your permissions to limit what he sees/what you see from him.
Post # 11
lovelylovely: My thoughts on this are pretty old-school. Your H’s feeling come first, and if your guy friend’s comment made your H uncomfortable, then ask your H what actions on your part would make him feel comfortable again.
Personally I think joking about naming the child after him was inappropriate. Men feel pretty strongly about fatherhood, and being the “real” father. But then, I’m an older Bee, so please take that into account….
Post # 12
I’d trust that my husband does have a real reason and just isn’t sharing it. If he was pissed and asking me to get rid of a close friend I’d demand to know the actual reason. For a stranger I barely know? Eh *shrug* delete the FB posts but make sure that the husband knows it’s in no way YOUR fault that some random person who you met in highschool is wierd. If he can’t wrap THAT around his head then there are much bigger issues at play.
Post # 13
lovelylovely: Honestly, your husband is seeing something you aren’t whether his interest in you was romantic or not is irrelevant. He is being kind of dismissive and disrespectful to you and your husband and your husband is clearly annoyed by his comments- shouldn’t his opinion mean more?
This guy is being inappropriate. He commented about the baby name then continued to press the issue about “code names”. It’s weird and I would be pissed too.
Best thing to do here is to delete him.
Post # 14
I think it’s always important to respect your SO’s opinions in cases like this. You should start off any conversation acknowledging your DH’s discomfort with the situation and that you respect whatever vibes he’s getting and you want to honor that.
However, it seems your Darling Husband is being a bit too harsh on this one if you ask me. So if I were in your shoes, I’d explain to my Darling Husband “I feel like I’m respecting your feelings by setting my boundaries at public interactions only, such as facebook comments. I ended all private communication with this friend out of respect for you, but I do not feel that I need to cut off all public communications. I know this comment was inappropriate and it bothered you and I’m sorry for that. If his comments continue to be inappropriate, I will block him on facebook as well. But I don’t believe this behavior will continue and I don’t feel I need to completely cut-off all communication with this person right now. I want you to know I am listening to your concerns, and I hope you can trust me to set my own boundaries on this issue.”
Then I’d see how that went over and go from there. I mean – he needs to respect your feelings too.
Post # 15
I agree that I’m on OP’s husbands side. He might be overreacting that you need to block him on FB, but to see you joking around about naming your baby after this dude would honestly be heartbreaking!! Put yourself in his shoes, what if he was doing this with some high school female freind… I think you just have to respect the fact that he feels uncomfortable, I know I would.