(Closed) What would you do about these “guests”?

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:

    Invite FI's friend and his girlfriend - to prevent drama

    Invite just FI's friend - you don't want that girl at your wedding!

    Don't invite either of them!

  • Post # 3
    Member
    2365 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I wouldn’t invite either of them.  If you just invite him and all FI’s other friends are bringing girlfriends, it’s going to be SO obvious that you just don’t want her there.  And even if you just invite him, he might bring her anyway.  It’s drama all around.

    Post # 4
    Member
    383 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    Don’t invite either of them – if you weren’t going to anyway, him just saying he “hoped he’s invited” doesn’t mean he warrants one.  It’d probably rock the boat a lot more to invite him without the girlfriend than to just not invite either.  Not worth it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    486 posts
    Helper bee

    I seriously wouldn’t invite either of them. Three years and you hadn’t met the guy? Then it doesn’t seem too likely that it would matter to him all that much. And that girl sounds like a hot mess -I say reserve the invites to your wedding for people who deserve to share it with you!

    Post # 6
    Member
    8375 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Neither of them. It’s considered bad manners to invite one person and NOT the person they live with if they’re in a relationship. I can’t imagine he won’t bring her…she’ll probably come anyways.

    Just cuz he whines doesn’t mean he gets an invite–did you tell him he’d get an invite? You never see the dude….so does it matter?

    Rule of thumb: try not to talk wedding around people who aren’t invited. I always felt really uncomfortable at DH’s fraternity brothers’ weddings because we basically only invited HIS pledge class (3 years older than me) and didn’t invite the younger guys…but they were always at the weddings and their SO’s would talk to me about my wedding. Super awkward stuff ensues usually.

    Post # 8
    Member
    8375 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    In that case, i wouldn’t worry about it. It’s tough when everyone ELSE starts tlaking, then you’re like, “uhhhh”.

    Don’t invite them. Seriously! Do you think you’ll run into them before the wedding or anytime afterwards?

    Post # 9
    Member
    150 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Don’t invite them! They were incredibly presumptuous in saying they expected to be invited at all. Your FI’s friend probably picked up on his girlfriend’s behaviour — if he didn’t apologise for her or try to prevent her behaving like that at a wedding, he is also partly at fault, especially as it seems he was the friend of the bride/groom at the wedding where you met him.

    I’d worry they would both be a liability. If you’ve never met them in 3 years, I’d say that’s a good reason not to invite!

    Post # 10
    Member
    2106 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    i’m going to echo everyone else and say don’t invite them!!! don’t let people guilt you into inviting them to your wedding. it’s YOUR wedding. invite the people you actually care about 🙂

    Post # 11
    Member
    1760 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I wouldn’t invite either.  I’m of the mind that if you haven’t meet him in 3 years, he might not be that essential.  So, to avoid his horrible girlfriend, you may just have to scratch him off the list.  Our situation is a bit different, my FH’s groomsmen has a girlfriend that ALWAYS gets drunk at events and cries to anyone that will listen about how mean he is to her, ugh.  How do you avoid THAT?

    Post # 12
    Member
    640 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    If they live together, it would be pretty rude to invite him and not her. it doesn’t sound like you’re particularly close to this couple, so I don’t think you should feel bad about not inviting them.

    After going through wedding planning and the myriad guilt trips along the way, I am a firm believer that if people ask/assume that they’re invited to a wedding, they’re likely not purposefully being rude, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still rude behaviour. They’re causing their own disppointment if they don’t get invited. It sounds harsh, but it’s true.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3968 posts
    Honey bee

    One more – don’t invite either!  

    Does Fiance really want him there?  If he really is close to this guy – even though they may not see him often, it would be ok to invite just him – but pretty rude to exclude his date – just because you don’t like her.  If you are inviting GF’s, then you need to invite his.  

    If it wasn’t for this party, would the guest even be on FI’s radar?  If not, then stick with not inviting him.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1009 posts
    Bumble bee

    Don’t invite either.

    – you can’t invite him and not invite her (they live together)

    – you haven’t met him in the three years you’ve been with Fiance

    – he wasn’t on your original A list

    Post # 16
    Member
    330 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I think you should invite both or none….It would appear unfair to him if you only invited him while you extend the invitation to SO of other friends.

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