Post # 1
My Fiance and I went to a friend’s wedding this weekend and saw several people that were friends of Fiance but that we hadn’t planned on inviting to our wedding. There was a couple guys there that we didn’t send an STD but we were considering sending an invitation to.
One of the guys in particular is someone that I’ve never met (in the three years we’ve been together) and he now has a girlfriend that he lives with (who we had never met before that night). The guy basically told my Fiance that he “hoped he was invited” when other people were talking about our wedding in front of him. Fine, so I feel like we have to invite him.
Here’s the problem – his girlfriend was rude to my Fiance, dressed completely inappropriately and, we found out later, stoned. There is NO way I want that girl at my wedding – I’ve never met her before and would prefer not to see her again (and definitely don’t want to buy her dinner and drinks at my wedding).
So we’ve kind of decided just to invite the guy and not his girlfriend… even though FI’s other friend’s girlfriends are invited. That was really the only thing we could figure out to do.
What would you do??
Post # 3
I wouldn’t invite either of them. If you just invite him and all FI’s other friends are bringing girlfriends, it’s going to be SO obvious that you just don’t want her there. And even if you just invite him, he might bring her anyway. It’s drama all around.
Post # 4
Don’t invite either of them – if you weren’t going to anyway, him just saying he “hoped he’s invited” doesn’t mean he warrants one. It’d probably rock the boat a lot more to invite him without the girlfriend than to just not invite either. Not worth it.
Post # 5
I seriously wouldn’t invite either of them. Three years and you hadn’t met the guy? Then it doesn’t seem too likely that it would matter to him all that much. And that girl sounds like a hot mess -I say reserve the invites to your wedding for people who deserve to share it with you!
Post # 6
Neither of them. It’s considered bad manners to invite one person and NOT the person they live with if they’re in a relationship. I can’t imagine he won’t bring her…she’ll probably come anyways.
Just cuz he whines doesn’t mean he gets an invite–did you tell him he’d get an invite? You never see the dude….so does it matter?
Rule of thumb: try not to talk wedding around people who aren’t invited. I always felt really uncomfortable at DH’s fraternity brothers’ weddings because we basically only invited HIS pledge class (3 years older than me) and didn’t invite the younger guys…but they were always at the weddings and their SO’s would talk to me about my wedding. Super awkward stuff ensues usually.
Post # 7
@ejs4y8 – yea, it was really awkward. But, we weren’t talking about the wedding. Everyone else was. The house we were at belonged to people that were invited and they had our save the date up in their kitchen. Also, it was the wedding of the best man, so Fiance and him obviously have a few friends in common and several of them had been invited and received a STD… while some had not. not the best situation really.
Post # 8
In that case, i wouldn’t worry about it. It’s tough when everyone ELSE starts tlaking, then you’re like, “uhhhh”.
Don’t invite them. Seriously! Do you think you’ll run into them before the wedding or anytime afterwards?
Post # 9
Don’t invite them! They were incredibly presumptuous in saying they expected to be invited at all. Your FI’s friend probably picked up on his girlfriend’s behaviour — if he didn’t apologise for her or try to prevent her behaving like that at a wedding, he is also partly at fault, especially as it seems he was the friend of the bride/groom at the wedding where you met him.
I’d worry they would both be a liability. If you’ve never met them in 3 years, I’d say that’s a good reason not to invite!
Post # 10
i’m going to echo everyone else and say don’t invite them!!! don’t let people guilt you into inviting them to your wedding. it’s YOUR wedding. invite the people you actually care about 🙂
Post # 11
I wouldn’t invite either. I’m of the mind that if you haven’t meet him in 3 years, he might not be that essential. So, to avoid his horrible girlfriend, you may just have to scratch him off the list. Our situation is a bit different, my FH’s groomsmen has a girlfriend that ALWAYS gets drunk at events and cries to anyone that will listen about how mean he is to her, ugh. How do you avoid THAT?
Post # 12
If they live together, it would be pretty rude to invite him and not her. it doesn’t sound like you’re particularly close to this couple, so I don’t think you should feel bad about not inviting them.
After going through wedding planning and the myriad guilt trips along the way, I am a firm believer that if people ask/assume that they’re invited to a wedding, they’re likely not purposefully being rude, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still rude behaviour. They’re causing their own disppointment if they don’t get invited. It sounds harsh, but it’s true.
Post # 13
One more – don’t invite either!
Does Fiance really want him there? If he really is close to this guy – even though they may not see him often, it would be ok to invite just him – but pretty rude to exclude his date – just because you don’t like her. If you are inviting GF’s, then you need to invite his.
If it wasn’t for this party, would the guest even be on FI’s radar? If not, then stick with not inviting him.
Post # 14
Don’t invite either.
– you can’t invite him and not invite her (they live together)
– you haven’t met him in the three years you’ve been with Fiance
– he wasn’t on your original A list
Post # 15
@ oracle “If it wasn’t for this party, would the guest even be on FI’s radar? If not, then stick with not inviting him.”
that’s really good advice, thanks. I’m really sick of feeling guilted into inviting people – it’s not a random get-together! It’s really expensive!
Post # 16
I think you should invite both or none….It would appear unfair to him if you only invited him while you extend the invitation to SO of other friends.