(Closed) What would you do? Are we being unreasonable??

posted 9 years ago in Family
  • poll: Would you let them come

    yes.

    No.

    other Ill explain.

  • Post # 29
    Member
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    IMO – yes, you are being unreasonable.  These are your FI’s SIBLINGS – not cousins, nephews, friends of children.  I think it is wrong of you to try to exclude them.

    Post # 30
    Member
    894 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    This is definitely a sticky situation. We have decided on no kids besides the ring bearer (my son) and flower girl and immediate family, his brother is traveling from out of state with 2 small children, so it is only fair to allow my neice to be there as well. Luckily, I think all 5 of the kids that will be in attendance at my wedding are all very well behaved so there shouldn’t be any issues. From the behavior you have explained I can understand why you don’t want to budge but, I think this is when your Fiance needs to step in. It’s his mother, his siblings, and mainly his choice. He needs to be the one telling his mother why things are going to be the way they are. 

    Post # 31
    Member
    192 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I see no reason why they (like your son) can’t just attend the ceremony, and not attend the reception. I actually remember this happening a few times to me, as a child – My beloved babysitter got married, and my sister and I were welcome to attend the ceremony with our parents, and were then dropped off at our grandmother’s house while my parents went to the adult-only reception. Seems like a good compromise to me.

    Post # 32
    Member
    1275 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I don’t think you are being unreasonable because you said it was your FI’s decision. However, I think he should talk to his mother and consider including them if it is brought to her attention their behavior. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    2689 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    You are not being unreasonable at all! Stick to your guns because the minute you back down with Future Mother-In-Law is the minute all the OTHER mother’s will be calling you and insisting their children must be allowed too. Have your fiance explain to his Mom that this is a non-negotiable decision and that you are both sad that because of this she decided not to attend your big day but that is HER CHOICE not to be supportive and NOT YOUR FAULT.

    Post # 34
    Member
    4 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    This is a fight that you will never win…thats why your s/o should handle this, because he can tell his mother the truth about behavior being a major issue in this decision and you can’t (to keep the relationship decent). What I would do is see if your son sitter would like to make a few extra bucks watching the boys and you and your s/o cover that cost. The siblings will be there for a few pictures, first dance, etc. and then they will have a free sitter once the adult fun starts. Not sure if this would fly with her, but if your son is not staying because of it being a adult reception then I think it is fine for your s/o to share his concerns but also have solution. If its going to cause WWIII then bite the bullet but have s/o share with his mom that she most keep a close eye on them the entire night. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    423 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I think you should treat them like your son – they come for a bit and leave with the sitter.  Hopefully they can behave for such a short period of time.

    Good luck!

    Post # 37
    Member
    1575 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Whether they are good or bad is not the issue. They ARE your FI’s siblings and old enough to know and remember if they are excluded from one of the most important days in their brother’s life. My brother had an adult only reception and I was there and 7 years old at the time. Sorry, I think it would be extremely unreasonable not to allow them to come and I can see why your Future Mother-In-Law is upset.

    Post # 38
    Member
    1370 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Stick to your guns darlin!  It’s YOUR wedding, and it’s not as if you and Fiance are fighting with him wanting them there, and you not.  People need to get over themselves about weddings, IT’S NOT YOUR FREAKING DAY!  I say go for it, we wanted a no kids wedding, but due to some family stuff, we are letting it go and welcoming all 65 of the little brats lol.

    Post # 39
    Member
    158 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    The kids wont hold a grudge when they’re older-they will barely remember it. STICK TO YOUR GUNS. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    140 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I think allowing them at the ceremony and then they are out for the reception is fine. But this is something your Fiance needs to address with your mom.  I understand they are family, but if you make an exception for one family memebr you have to make it for all family members.  You may be able to say family chicldren only, but then how many people in your family have kids?  I think them coming to the ceremony is fine, but if you are having an adults only reception, it is adults only.  You said your own child won’t even be there for more than 45 minutes, so why should you make an exception for anyone else? I could understand if they weren’t allowed at the ceremony, but it’s just the reception.  But once again, this should be something Fiance should talk to Future Mother-In-Law about, not you.  Gook luck and I hope it all works out!

     

    Post # 41
    Member
    3261 posts
    Sugar bee

    they’re his siblings, they should be there.

    Post # 42
    Member
    226 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Stick to your plan! NO CHILDREN.  It is your day and you have your choice.  If you say no kids, there are no exceptions because once you make one excception everyone will feel entitled to bring their own kids too.  People are rude.  Just make the rule and don’t change it

    Post # 43
    Member
    15062 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Normally I think stick to your guns, but for extended family and kids of cousins or cousins you dont know very well and what not.  But for family as immediate as his own siblings, I think they should be allowed to be there.  I would not want to cut my siblings out of my own wedding reception!

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