(Closed) What would you do? Awkward situation.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It’s none of your business.  Stay out of it.  If Jason chooses to drink after work, that’s his choice.  It’s not your job to be his monitor (but I understand why you feel bad for Amy).  If Amy ever showed up at the after works drinks, I’d try to befriend her.

Post # 4
Member
8453 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you should try to get help and couseling for Amy, and Jason if possible.  At some point you have to think of their child’s welfare.  Just remember to approach them both in a non-judgemental way, really voicing your concern for their health and safety (normally I would say stay out of it, but the kid changes things).

Post # 5
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Hmmm. This is hard. First of all, I would not recommend trying to be responsible for his behavior. You can’t change the fact that he’s abusive (if he truly is which you dont 100% know). It it’s true he does hit her, whether he drinks or not is really not going to matter. He will probably still do it anyway. If anything, encourage your friend to talk to his girlfriend about seeking help. Also, if there’s a child around and someone is concerned about safety, you can always make an anonymous call to a children and youth facility (whatever is located in your area). I would want to tell him to not drink too if I was in your position, but that’s really not going to stop the problem. 

Post # 6
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

If his girlfriend needs to have her friends police him so he doesn’t drink and then physically abuse her then that is her business.  No need to get involved unless you see the girlfriend get abused or has marks from abuse and then you need to get her help.  Bothering the boyfriend/co-worker about it is not going to do you any favors.  Stay out of it.

Post # 7
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

Just stay out of it, his girlfriend needs to woman up and handle the situation for her son.  Your co-worker should not have told you that about their relationship.

Post # 8
Member
9688 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Sarahbear:  Stay out of it.  If he is an abusive man, he is certainly not going to listen to you.

Post # 9
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It is not your job to confront him and if you do that you will only make the situation worse.  I have spent a long time volunteering at a domestic violence shelter and you yelling at him for beating his wife will NOT change his behavior.  What I would do is try to befriend Amy and let her know, if she ever needs anything she can come to you, a place to stay or just someone to talk to.  You can NOT fix their relationship.  I know it is really REALLY hard to know someone is being abused but you really can not do anything more than be supportive of Amy. 

Post # 11
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It’s not your place to tell him what he can and can not do.  You policing him will not correct his behaivor, he’ll probably just resent you and his girlfriend more.  Stay out of it.

Post # 13
Member
9688 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Sarahbear:  You could actually cause more harm than good if you interfere.  If you make him feel outed, ashamed and angry guess who he’s going to turn his rage on??

Abusive men are already extremely insecure human beings.  Don’t say anything.

Post # 14
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I hear what everyone is saying about this being none of OPs business, but (at least where I live) the law dictates that if there is a child involved it IS your business. Exposure is a form of child abuse. It can be very damaging and lead to serious emotional and developmental delays in children. The effects of exposure can be present even when children do not directly witness abuse as they are very perceptive and will be aware of the tense and scary atmosphere in the home. I agree that it is probably not your business to police this guy’s drinking, because that is not the help he needs, but it is your business to make sure that you are not required by law to report this to CPS.

Post # 15
Member
1895 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would stay out of it. Its not a 100% confirmed fact that he is abusive… saying anything would potentially cause more issues.

Post # 16
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Sarahbear:  Maybe she had too much to drink too!

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