- 5 years ago
So I’d like to get the bee’s opinions on this. SO and I are living with my parents for financial reasons; we hope to be moving next December or possibly May-June of 2015 at the very latest. I have a scholarship at the sister school if my dream school and so I’m taking advantage of free education while SO and I pay off a few things like his car, vet bill, etc.
Obviously, while living with my parents has financial perks, it takes its toll. Now SO and I aren’t on the verge of breaking up or anything, but in the past year since he’s moved in, we haven’t had a night to ourselves. Occasionally, we go out on a date, have a nice dinner or something, but that’s for special occasions like birthdays and only lasts for four hours at a time at the most (normally arund one hour or so). Our sex life is almost non-existant; it started when by brother commited suicide in July of 2012 and never got better cause less than a month later, SO moved in and living with parents isn’t exactly conducive to a steamy sex life. So our sex life has sucked for a year and four months now. We haven’t really fought, but it has caused me distress because I’m the one with low libido, maybe cause we’re in my parents’ house? I have literally sat and cried for over an hour before because I want so badly to be able to enjoy sex with SO but I can’t get in the mood when my parents are home (my mom doesn’t work and has agoraphobia,, so there is always someone here. We can’t even have a quickie because we can’t get the house to ourselves for even a minute!). SO has been very understanding, though, even though his libido isn’t affectex by other people being here.
We’ve been talking about taking off for a weekend. Nothing expensive, just renting a room in a hotel or bed and breakfast and spending a couple of nights reconnecting and focusing on us. Every relationship needs that once in a while, right? Well, we have a little extra money coming at the end of January, and when I mentioned using it to do our vacation thing, SO reminded me we’d agreed to do something sensible with that money, like make an extra car payment that month.
Now I’m torn. I’m all for being sensible and I understand the need to have the car paid off, but I also feel like our relationship needs this and emotionally/mentally, we would benefit greatly from this as a couple. We are caught up on all our bills, even slightly ahead on the vet bill, and even though money is tight, we make ends meet. We should have the car paid off by June at the absolute latest, maybe even in April if he gets enough back from taxes. But we do need to get these things paid off and start saving to move (hello, next stressful milestone of our lives!).
I just wondered what is your take. At what point does being sensible and responsible take a backseat to keeping the spark in your relationship?