Post # 1
WARNING: This is a little long.
My wedding is mid-October. I’m a planner and love planning my wedding. Most stuff has been done since February. Since I couldn’t decide between 3 good friends, I have 2 matrons of honor and HAD one 1 maid of honor. Due to financial difficulties, my maid of honor stepped down at the end of April. FI’s best friend (a woman about 10 years our junior) asked if she could be a bridesmaid. I was upfront and honest with her and told her that if my maid of honor stepped down, I would be happy to have her. About the same time, one of FI’s groomsmen stepped down due to his mother’s failing health. So, we asked FI’s best friend and her hubby to be a part of the wedding party.
Now with less than 3 months to go, the bridemaid who ASKED to be a part of the wedding, won’t return my phone calls, text messages, or emails; is super hard to get in contact with by my matrons of honor; ordered her dress on one of their credit cards and has not paid and is generally freaking me out. The replacement bridesmaid isn’t mad at me that I know of, I think she is just depressed.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to fire her because she is my FI’s good, good friend (although he tells me to do what will make me sane). I also don’t want to get stuck paying for her dress. I feel awful sticking my two good friends with her to work with to do the bachelorette party and the bridal shower and them worrying that she may not come through to do her part. On top of being stuck with paying for her dress, dropping her hubby will mean that we end up paying for my FI’s tuxedo rental because we drop below the minimum.
For sanity’s sake, do I just drop her and be done with it? Oh, and after chasing her for 3 weeks with no response to get her spa choices for the day before the wedding, I did manage to track down her hubby and talk to him and he assures me that both still want to participate in the wedding. Arrrgggghhhhhh! Help. Advice, please.
Post # 3
I’m sort of in the same boat. No one dropped out, but I finally decided to ask my super flaky friend to be in the wedding even though I knew it was probably a bad idea. If your Matrons of Honor are good friends, they will take up the slack and deal with her. I went through her not returning calls to avoiding me to her getting pregnant… It’s been a roller coaster. But, I’ve kind of let it go. I mean she’s my friend. I do care for her, even though I could strangle her sometimes. I want her to be there on my wedding day, but I know I can’t fully trust her with most things. It stinks, really, but I am sticking to my initial decision and just going with the flow. I wish you luck! Think positively and remember that this is a happy time.
Post # 4
Since she’s your FI’s good friend, can he try to get in touch with her? It does put him in a bit of an awkward spot, but she has put you and your MOHs in an awkward spot. If he can reach out to her, make a connection and get her to talk to you, that would be a start. You can gently explain to her that you’ve purchased a dress on her behalf and your Maid/Matron of Honor needs to be reimbursed. Find out of there are money troubles or something else going on that is preventing her from paying and offer her an "out" if she no longer feels she can be in the wedding.
For the participation, if your two MOHs were ready to go it alone, it may make sense to have them go forward with the planning themselves, whether or not the Bridesmaid or Best Man is in the wedding. She should be invited to participate, but if she doesn’t respond, don’t stress over it. As other posters have mentioned in other threads, some BMs just aren’t that involved, even if it may be their job as BMs.
Post # 5
Unfortunately, Fiance has reached out to her to no avail as well. Plus, she actually picked out her dress (I only chose the color and maker) and ordered it through my other MOHs. She told them that I would be paying the bulk of the dress because I had written her husband a check some months back and he hadn’t cashed it. I told the Bridesmaid or Best Man that it was okay, but asked if she would kindly return the uncashed check. I fear that they may have lost it, but why not just fess up. I thought it might be financial as well, but when I spoke to the hubby, he said they were still a go. It’s not like she doesn’t understand how this works, she had a wedding herself. It’s sooo very frustrating.
Post # 6
I agree with NY, your other two Bridesmaid or Best Man will pick up the slack.. remember most girls only have one MOH!
Whenever money is involved, things can be a bit rocky. maybe theres something going on you don’t know about ($, health whatever). Is there anything that usually sparks her interest? sometimes I’ll send a non-wedding text or email to the maids to remind them that we are FRIENDS, not tallbrides little helpers (which i selfishly did in the beginning of the planning process) And I usually get a response and THEY ask about the wedding.
Also, giving her a way out is a bit tricky… One of my Bms expressed she was going through a hard time. I let her know, no hard feelings if she wanted to step down and she got VERY OFFENDED that I "didn’t think she could handle it".
So basically I don;t really know what to tell you either. Don’t sweat it, if the dress was paid on a credit card you can always return it but hopefulyl you won’t have to
Post # 7
Why not place a stoppayment on the check and refund your maid for the remained of the cost? Yes, it’s frustrating but consider it paying for you peace of mind.