(Closed) What would you do (bridesmaid dilemma)?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
45 posts
  • Wedding: October 2008

I’m sort of in the same boat.  No one dropped out, but I finally decided to ask my super flaky friend to be in the wedding even though I knew it was probably a bad idea.  If your Matrons of Honor are good friends, they will take up the slack and deal with her.  I went through her not returning calls to avoiding me to her getting pregnant… It’s been a roller coaster.  But, I’ve kind of let it go.  I mean she’s my friend.  I do care for her, even though I could strangle her sometimes.  I want her to be there on my wedding day, but I know I can’t fully trust her with most things.  It stinks, really, but I am sticking to my initial decision and just going with the flow.  I wish you luck!  Think positively and remember that this is a happy time.

Post # 4
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Since she’s your FI’s good friend, can he try to get in touch with her?  It does put him in a bit of an awkward spot, but she has put you and your MOHs in an awkward spot.  If he can reach out to her, make a connection and get her to talk to you, that would be a start.  You can gently explain to her that you’ve purchased a dress on her behalf and your Maid/Matron of Honor needs to be reimbursed.  Find out of there are money troubles or something else going on that is preventing her from paying and offer her an "out" if she no longer feels she can be in the wedding.

For the participation, if your two MOHs were ready to go it alone, it may make sense to have them go forward with the planning themselves, whether or not the Bridesmaid or Best Man is in the wedding.  She should be invited to participate, but if she doesn’t respond, don’t stress over it.  As other posters have mentioned in other threads, some BMs just aren’t that involved, even if it may be their job as BMs.

Post # 6
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

I agree with NY, your other two Bridesmaid or Best Man will pick up the slack.. remember most girls only have one MOH!

Whenever money is involved, things can be a bit rocky. maybe theres something going on you don’t know about ($, health whatever). Is there anything that usually sparks her interest? sometimes I’ll send a non-wedding text or email to the maids to remind them that we are FRIENDS, not tallbrides little helpers (which i selfishly did in the beginning of the planning process) And I usually get a response and THEY ask about the wedding.

Also, giving her a way out is a bit tricky… One of my Bms expressed she was going through a hard time. I let her know, no hard feelings if she wanted to  step down and she got VERY OFFENDED that I "didn’t think she could handle it".

So basically I don;t really know what to tell you either. Don’t sweat it, if the dress was paid on a credit card you can always return it but hopefulyl you won’t have to

Post # 7
170 posts
Blushing bee

Why not place a stoppayment on the check and refund your maid for the remained of the cost? Yes, it’s frustrating but consider it paying for you peace of mind.

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