(Closed) What would you do (bridesmaid issue)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

Personally I would corner her and say ‘on Friday you need to send me a picture of your dress otherwise I’m afraid you can’t be in the wedding’. With the wedding in mere days you really need to think about what is most important to you, what would make you happier?

Non-participating bridesmaids are a recurring issue (there’s about 10 different active threads on the Bee at any given time, I just started one myself too!) so you’re not the only one with these issues! In the end the only people who matter are your Fiance and you, while I’m not a fan of the princessy attitude that some brides can develop (more so on The Knot than here) it really is YOUR day. So tell your friend to suck it up and either show a dress or take a seat between the other guests.

Post # 4
Hostess
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

That’s strange. I feel like there must be something going on with her. Since you said she’s FI’s best friend, have you thought about asking him to call her? Maybe don’t bug her about the dress specifically but just ask “Are you going to be there in a dress at X time?” 

Post # 5
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Oxfordnerd:  LOL on the princessy attitude thing! 

@FuturePK:  Wow, sorry you are going through this! I think you have been more than patient with your Bridesmaid or Best Man…and I don’t think it’s fair for her to put this undue stress on you. I understand why some people think someone is being a bridezilla when their BMs haven’t bought the dresses 2 years out (my Girlfriend actually demanded this from me) however, for crying out loud…your wedding is in 4 days???? Go bridezilla or bust is totally appropriate in this case!

Post # 7
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

@FuturePK:  To be honest, I wouldn’t just leave it til then – give her fair warning that she needs to come up with a dress with the hard deadline of Friday morning and be really clear about it. This is no time to play nice anymore, she didn’t play ball so now you’re just going to have to throw the ball at her head. Considering her previous behaviour, I would aim straight for the nose. I think texasbee is right, you’re entitled to some bridezilla behaviour! (though I still wouldn’t call that bridezilla behaviour, you’ve been more than nice and forgiving towards this person, time for her to make some adjustments). Set the deadline asap and then concentrate on other things like friends and family gathering to celebrate your wonderful wedding Smile We’ll be cheerleading here on this forum for you!

YEAH! YOU’RE AMAZING!! WOO!!! GO KICK SOME ASS!!!

Post # 9
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Let’s address this in two parts.

Part one: no one in the wedding party needs to participate in your dress appointments, projects, or activities unless they want to.

Part two: I DO think you’re entitled to the way you’re feeling about her not having a dress yet. I highly suggest that you contact her in the manner she will reply to (email, phone call, etc.) and tell her that you need to know if she is planning on showing up to the wedding in a dress with your specs, and if she is, you need to see what it looks like TODAY. If she isn’t…well, then, I suppose that’s one less friend you have to stress about (provided she isn’t having some sort of crisis).

Post # 11
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@FuturePK:  Yikes!  3 days is cutting it close! But it is pretty easy to find a black, wedding appropriate dress.  I don’t know your schedule, but do you have a bit of extra time when you could go shopping with her?  It shouldn’t take more than an afternoon to find something. 

If not, I’d probably wait until Friday and ask her again.  She might just be a procrastinator, in which case it’s not a reflection of you or your relationship, it’s just how she is.

Post # 12
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@FuturePK:  Sorry but, to me/in my experience, someone saying that there’s a “bridesmaid issue” and then saying that they “haven’t participated in anything” means that they’re expecting that bridesmaid to do those things. Otherwise it wouldn’t have been mentioned. I think we have like 5 new posts every week about how someone’s bridesmaids aren’t helping them with projects or coming to the bride’s dress fittings because the bride expects her bridesmaids to do that stuff.

But I do expect her to make an effort to have her dress more than 3 days before the wedding. I don’t think that’s asking too much. I’m giving her until Friday and if she doesn’t have it by then I’ll ask her to just be a guest. I really don’t want to spend the morning of my wedding worried about what she’s going to show up wearing (assuming she’s even on time which is always a problem with her unfortunately).

I 100% agree with this. We’re having this issue with our best man, actually. It’s frustrating and I hope that either he doesn’t get his outfit or Fiance tells him to just be a guest.

Post # 13
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Personally, I wouldn’t worry about it or mention the dress again. She’ll find something. A black dress is very easy to find. If there were a specific dress that she hadn’t ordered yet, that’d be a different story…but she’ll show up appropriately attired. And if she doesn’t? You can ask her to sit it out, if that’s what you want. Hope it all goes well!

Post # 14
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Meh. At this point who cares what she’s wearing. (Assuming it’s formal) I’d let her stand up there. I know it would look weird though.

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