- 11 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
So, here’s my dilemma (and here comes my over-analytical side):
I have four wonderful ladies who I’m planning to ask to stand up with me on the big day. They are: my two sisters, my oldest best friend, and a girl who used to be my best friend (and still is in name) but whom I’m quite frankly not as close to as I used to be.
I don’t like drama and confrontation. I don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt over our wedding, because when it boils down to it, it’s just one day. I don’t want friendships ruined or strained because I’m getting married. I’ll be married the rest of my life, I don’t want the first day of it to ruin relationships with my closest friends.
So here’s my considerations: my oldest sister lives far away, and she was the Maid/Matron of Honor for my middle sister’s wedding last year. She’s got a big family with special needs. I’d rather not put the financial burden on her, especially because she’s distant. My middle sister and I are close, but not so close that I think I’d pick her (not to be petty, but just factual– she didn’t pick me). I also think she’d rather I didn’t ask.
That leaves my two friends. Friend A has been there for me since middle school, and we’ve been super-close since high school. Her and her husband are the longest, most consistent friends I have. I’d love to ask her. She didn’t ask me, but she asked a friend she’s known even longer, so it’s not like I can (or would) be mad.
However, Friend B is probably expecting it. We started out our friendship super close, but have kind of drifted apart. And to be frank, I’d be worried about her ability to carry out the duties of the position. I still want her to stand up for me, but I don’t think I want to put her in that position. She will probably be mad/ hurt if I pick Friend A.
My last consideration is finances. Everyone I know is pretty broke these days! I don’t really want to elevate any of the girls to the position of “you must spend tons of money on me” if I can help it. The dresses I’ve picked out (that I still have to talk to everyone about– after I figure this out and ask them to be in my wedding!) are under $100,and they can do whatever they want for shoes.
My original (and still likely) solution is just to not have a Maid/Matron of Honor. But the more I think about it, the more I need help deciding. I feel like there should be someone in charge of the other girls to coordinate stuff, etc. And this could happen organically (one girl could take charge), but I don’t know that it will.
What do you think? Do you need a Maid/Matron of Honor nowadays? Any suggestions for how to get things to work logistically with just bridesmaids? Do you think it would be easier or harder on them financially?