(Closed) What would you do (family member stole from me)

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 42
Member
843 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I haven’t read through all the posts yet, but I think you do need to call the police.  It sounds like a lot of people have let her slip and they have finally put their foot down and are not enabling her anymore.  You still are.  And she took advantage of that, which is completely unfair to you.  If you don’t want to call the cops right away I suggest telling her if you don’t have money by x date then you will be filing a police report and what the consequences of that will be.  The thing is, you HAVE to follow through.  If you make empty threats, she will just do it to you again.

Sorry if this is harsh, I don’t mean it to be.

Post # 43
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

I know it is hard but file the police report. She went on a shopping spree on your dime, you opened your home to her, and she didn’t even think twice about hurting you. She only admitted to it because she got caught, and she could get in legal trouble. You have to contact the police.

Post # 44
Member
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@SecretBee23: oops I see, so there really is no middle ground. She either has to give up her cousin or lose her money

Post # 46
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@MrsStrawberry24: So sorry you have to deal with this. It sucks. 🙁  But at least you found out before the losses got even worse, if she still has your checks.

 

ETA: So.. not to play the cynic, but this kind of comes from experience.. if she was searching hard enough to find checks in a hiding place, there’s a possibility other things might be missing too?

Post # 47
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@bells: Yeah, it’s such a lose-lose situation! So sad that it could have been avoided 🙁

Post # 48
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with PPs, you should file a report. This is not a case of “she lived with me and ate all my chocolate”, this is 700$! 

She needs to know that her actions have consequences. What is she going to do next time? If she keeps getting away with things, why would she ever stop?

And what kind of behaviour is that to teach her children? If they’re gonna learn from a young age that stealing is ok, how are they going to end up? 

I think it would be irresponsible to not tell the police.

Post # 49
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

As a lawyer, I STRONGLY encourage you to file a police report.  While I don’t know what state you reside in and therefore cannot (nor would I) advise you on the potential charges she could face, I do agree with others that she needs to face consequences.  Plus, you need to protect yourself in case she did more than just write some bad checks, i.e. steal your identity to open lines of credit etc.

Post # 50
Member
15079 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If she wont talk to you, can you leave her a message?  I mean, obviously you care about her and dont want to do this.  Throw the ball back in her court… give her the option to make things right within say 36 hours.  Return the good and the money, or face charges.  This way she has one last chance to make the right decision. 

Or can charges be made and then dropped?  Can you tell her you have filed charges and have x amount of time to do the right thing and you will drop it or it will be persued?

Post # 51
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@MrsStrawberry24: Yikes, writing bad checks would not be good on a record! You would be doing the right thing by filing. It may hurt but I would be even more pissed that she took my hard earned dime :/

Post # 52
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t give her the opportunity to return the money to you. Stealing is stealing and it is super manipulative to steal from a relative because you think they wont report you.

Post # 53
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@MrsStrawberry24: You should check on your house valuables. She could have taken other things if the location where you keep your checks isn’t normally accessible. Passports, jewelry, cash you have hidden, video games… I’d do a quick inventory of your house.

Post # 54
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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@MrsStrawberry24: Really sorry you are dealing with this but I do believe you made the right choice by deciding to file. 

Post # 55
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

Yes, it’s a felony.  Her mother or another relative who offers will probably take her children and she will go to jail.  She may get lucky and just get probation or something similar but probably will spend some time in jail.   

She obviously has some sort of mental illness.  A mentally healthy person does not forge checks immediately upon being taken into someone’s home.  A mentally healthy person does not alienate every single relative and friend that they have.

People need to hit bottom before they get help.  Forcing her to pay the consequences of her own actions is the best thing for you, for her and for her kids.  Her children need to have healthy adult role models–their mother is obviously not doing that.  Enabling your cousin to deny her obvious mental illness only makes things worse in the end for her and her children.

You need to file a police report and get your money back.  You can’t afford to take the financial loss from this.  Those kids need to get into a stable home with a mentally stable relative.  Your cousing needs treatment and to understand that her actions have consequences.  

Post # 56
Member
7774 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Wow, this a bad situation. I’m glad you decided to file a police report. You are not only out money, but the bank could come after you and something like this could look bad on your credit for many years.

Some people are users. Those people don’t straighten up unless people stop enabling their behavior. I think it’s time to file the report and stop helping out your cousin. I’m sure your Aunt won’t let anything bad happen to her grandkids.

I’m really sorry you are dealing with this. Best of luck while you are trying to figure out this situation.

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