(Closed) What would you do (family member stole from me)

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 57
Member
9814 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@MrsStrawberry24: Good. What a shitty situation. Is there any way FI’s uncle could come to the police dept. to advise you? I can’t believe she went through all your stuff. Agree with PP too, make sure she didn’t take anything she could pawn.

Post # 58
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Please, PLEASE file a report. She is never going to learn her lesson if you let her get away with this. There is a reason everyone else has washed their hands of her.

Post # 59
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Whoops, just noticed that you’re filing. I know it wasn’t an easy decision but I think you’re doing the right thing.

Post # 60
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you have made the right decison. This woman dooes not care about you or her children enough to clean up her act. She stole from you and she doesn’t even have enough respect to talk to you when you are considering not filling a police report. file the report and then go home and make sure she didn’t steal anything else.

Post # 61
Member
2656 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You need to call the cops.

But if you dont do something she will never learn.

Either way you decide, I hope it works out. I cant imagine this is easy at all. Best of luck.

Oops just read that you will.

Post # 62
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2021 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay

I say give her a set date within a week & if that money is not back in your account by then, file a police report.  Tell her these exact parameters and then leave it up to her!

Post # 63
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Sounds like she didn’t buy survival items like food but splurged on unnecessaries.  I think you basically have three choices….

The first, is to turn her in. You get your money back and she endures the consequences of her actions.  She’ll hate you, but she also asked for it and you no longer have to suck up her charges(which are not your responsibility).

The second choice, is to not turn her in and accept you probably will never see that money.  I admit, family makes it much harder.  You could give her a free pass because she is family, but if you do, I would tell her she trades you a significant piece of her sould to you for that.  More importantly, I would never again let her in my house or do her any favors or lend her money.  She was extended an undeserved invitation for help and she used you.  That’s it, no more favors.  Don’t let her guilt you, because she sounds like the type that might try.

Three, the hybrid choice.  Giver her an ultimatum.  Find out how long you have to file the police report.  Maybe even prepare a draft but don’t file it yet.  Tell her that you intend to file it unless she returns the money in full, by a certain date.  She can do returns, get a job, or work it off(not inside your home!).  If she either does not return the money or make a reasonable effort coupled with proposal for plan completion, turn her in.  It gives her a chance to right the wrong, and if she doesn’t, then she has to deal with the law, just like every other person who gets caught stealing.  You do nto haev to do this, ubt it keeps you teh bigger person and offers her a chance.  Jus remember, she might not take it and will probably try to make you feel guilty because she is upset she got caught.

Post # 64
Member
2948 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Id call the cops in a heartbeat. what she did is illegal. family or not. Tough love is the best. I would get it under control asap because police are gonna start asking you why did you wait so long? 

Post # 65
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My dad has a brother that was like this and my Fiance has a half brother just like this. My FI’s brother has stolen countless times from his family and he honestly blames everything on everyone else. Its not his fault that he does these things and its like he so jealous of what they all have. But they have worked hard to get those things. Fiance has told him straight up that he doesn’t trust him and if he is living near him there will be locks on everything. I would treat her the say way. You took her in when no one else would and then stole from you. That’s just wrong and I feel like she took advantage of you because you are family and knows how much you care. If she doesn’t respond soon or try to make a payment plan, I would advise you to make a police report. She needs to know there are consequences to her actions.

Post # 66
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

File a police report.

Edit: I see you’re planning on it. Good.

Post # 67
Member
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

File a police report.  Enough is enough.  She’s an adult and has to be held accountable.  It is called tough love.  You’re stealing from YOUR family if you give her a free pass on this one.

Post # 68
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Go to the police! This is ridiculous. You only tried to help her and she totally took advantage of you. She obviously doesn’t realize there are consequences to her actions! 

Post # 70
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this.  I’m really glad you decided to file a police report, especially since there is a whole book of missing checks.  If you can’t get ahold of her, plus she has those, AND is hanging up on you?  Not ok.

Is there anyone from your family who could look after the kids?  I know you’re thinking mainly of the kids, but what lesson will they learn to see mom steal and get out of jail free, basically?  You’re really helping them by showing them that actions DO have consequences.

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