What would you do? – FI texting women

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
10567 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

CaliforniaLovin :  

I would confront him, and be wary of him trying to jiu jitsu you.  Get in front of the snooping thing.  Apologize right away, admit that it wasn’t right and force him to move on. 

Tell him everything you found and how it made you feel.

Don’t fall for any Oscar worthy performances including ugly crying. Seemed remorseful is a phrase we hear all the time.  It means nothing.  The only thing that matters is behavior going forward.

He is going to have to give you free access to his phone.

What you found certainly has the red lights blinking. Don’t just let it slide.

Post # 4
Member
10567 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

CaliforniaLovin :  

Better to get things out in the open now, Bee, than after you’re married and have brought innocent children into this.

Post # 5
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

If it was an old contact.. he would know who it was… so obv lied already. I would do more sleuthing, look at a phone bill and figure out if they call and how much they text. Her calling and him saying, who is this, would be her que to not say anything because you are around and he will get back to her when he can. Check his apps and social media dm’s. At some point most likely immediately after talking to him. I would call the numbers covertly and see who they are. However, they probably know about you given the call. Experience says a lot more is going on here, if this is what he is lazy enough to leave on his phone. But you need more so he cant just explain it away. Shady business is hard to catch these days with Snapchat, Whatsapp, there are also apps to give a phone a fake number so the person texting isn’t using their real phone number and can change the number to avoid suspicion.

You have to address this!

If I caught FH texting girls, 100 percent over immediately, no do overs no apologies. That has been our agreement since we got together. In past relationships I had the, i love you I’ll forgive you, we can work on this mentality but now being older it’s changed. From the begining we agreed, If either of us do this, the relationship is over. these are the consequences going in. You know what you are choosing. You are choosing to end the relationship.

Post # 7
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

You have to talk to him.

How do they know each other? Could this be a cousin? Co worker? Girl from the coffee shop? What was the picture of? How does she have his number? Why are they communicating? Why do they feel comfortable sending him photos? Who called him with the icon? It’s not like you have been together three months and all the girls before you havnt received the memo. People have to be pretty dumb to text about meeting up. I would assume they would call or snap chat. Though you would think he would save the numbers as one of his guy friends names. That’s where phone records come in handy if they talk.

If FH was texting other women it would depend on the situation. Romantic interest or hook up texting completely over. If he needed attention for other woman that would signal an insurmountable issue in our relationship. If there was a logical answer that checked out then no, I’m not irrational and unreasonable. I have no problem with him having platonic friends with women. Coworkers, friends significant others, my friends, his friends before we met… but those women wouldn’t send him pictures of themselves… was the picture of them?

Updated to add: Agree with next poster. You have to be a sleuth get more info and evidence. Phone records are online. Figure out who they are. Know if he is telling the truth. Know if they talk on the phone before you ask him. Know when they started texting.  But still ask. Did you find the contact that called him? Did you write the numbers down?

Post # 8
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Well first off he will definatly turn the conversation around and blame you for going in his phone so be prepared for that. He will deflect it so he won’t have to answer questions. He already knows who this is so he has already lied. But if it was me, because I was married to a cheater once before and he would deny everytime so I had to get smart to prove my case, it’s sad but that’s what I had to do. I would get more evidence. If there is a way that you can take a pic of his messages with your phone, just in case they get deleted. If you say something now he will deny or and it’s a big or that your over reacting that it’s just an old friend we are chit chatting and blah blah blah we never met up, what’s the big deal ect ect. So if he knows that you didn’t go through his phone yet it might each day there might be more texts. More pictures and finally a meeting place. Some men can try and be sneaky but they slip up so watch and wait. But that’s just how I would do it. Because right now like you said they have been casual conversations and he will throw that in your face along with why did you look in my phone, I can’t trust you anymore and than he will turn it around on you to be your fault. Just some advice. But that’s me.

 

Post # 12
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

The pictures and time line is definitely weird. And given my experience I am quick to jump in to the he is cheating and hiding it warning group. I know men who cheat on their wives and how the women don’t know or I guess choose to ignore it, I don’t know. Conversely I actually have a guy friend who was best friends with both me and my ex in college, we broke up and my ex got to keep our best friend, totally unfair but I text him randomly every few years. Totally nothing to worry about. I wouldn’t send him a picture of my self though. I have sent him a picture of my dog he went with me to the adoption place and then lived with us for awhile so they were close. I feel like from our texts though its obvious we havnt spoken in a long time and that nothing weird is happening, no selfies ect.

Post # 14
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

You said you saw a phone call to the number?  If you want to wait to confront him, you could get a voice activated recorder that looks like a USB drive, charge and test it,  and put it in his car, passenger seat between the cushions , microphone hole facing out. They sell them on Amazon for less than 100.  , but read the reviews and get the best quality one you can. 

If you retrieve it after a couple of days, you will be able to listen to conversations he has had, at least his end of them. 

The drive can be placed anywhere, easily hidden. 

 

Best of luck with whatever you decide. Hopefully it’s nothing, but please don’t ignore your gut. Further investigation is needed. Right now you have really no evidence,  and if he is cheating, he will likely  lie over and over. It is very rare for any man to admit cheating when asked, even when confronted with evidence. 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

 

CaliforniaLovin :  That’s not crazy. That’s pretty good actually but I wouldn’t use the word lied. “You know when you got that call the other day and your voice got all weird and you said you didn’t know who it was and I asked about the icon. I’ve had a really weird feeling about it and it just feels off and I need you to give me your phone so I can look and not feel weird anymore.”

You saw a phone call to the number yesterday… calling is another level of a relationship. You don’t call someone unless you have a certain level of comfort with or things you don’t want to text them especially now days.

Updated to add: To me even having Whatsapp is a red flag lol Whatsapp and phone calls!

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