What would you do? – FI texting women

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

CaliforniaLovin :  No your not crazy for that. All I can say is use your gut. You have to do what you think is best for you. If you need to nip it in the bud then go ahead bee. And yes he will turn it around no matter how you tell him, so just be prepared. He will tell you it’s a an invasion of his privacy. Trust me. But I know it’s eating you up. It always did me. Keep us posted please. And good luck.

Post # 18
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I once lasted till morning to confront but it was hard! So I understand. I wouldn’t apologize or feel bad for going through his phone. You legit found things, your instincts were right.

You could also take it this way, “I am not going to apologize. After your voice got all weird when you got that call and it had an icon and you told me you didn’t know who it was, I had a weird feeling and I needed to stop it so I went through your phone and you have a lot of explaining to do.”

Updated: I would want more, I always like to get both sides of the story, maybe text her from an anon whatsapp number, not your usual one you use with SO and ask her if she is seeing him. If she aska who you are say other girls name. I honestly would track him or get voice recording or something. Just casue he called to say he was on his way home means nothing. Maybe she called to say she was canceling their plans so he called to tell you he was on his way home. Or his phone was lost while they were together and she called it to find it. idk

I have a zero tolerance policy so unless this was his cousin the I needed attention, we didn’t sleep together… crap.. not going to work. Okay not this time maybe, but if he is looking now he’ll be looking again later. Don’t have kids with him! Don’t sell yourself short.

Post # 20
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

CaliforniaLovin :  I was going to say if they are indeed seeing each other, you aka other girl, are just reaching out cause he mentioned her and this is terribly awkward and you thought about not saying anything cause you don’t really know their relationship but girl power, your pap came back high risk HPV and cervical cancer is serious so wanted to let her know.

That is legit crazy girl stuff though, when he found that out and linked it back to you there would be no coming back from that. That’s relationship is done level.

Post # 21
Member
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t want to sound like the grim reaper here but I feel like this is the tip of the iceberg. He has already lied to you about who this girl is…you’re giving him ENORMOUS benefit of the doubt in saying you believe it hasn’t gone further than a few phone calls. 

Post # 24
Member
4691 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

There’s no reason for him to be talking to her, the phone calls, the texts, pics, etc. The picture is painted. More snooping is going to make you a nervous wreck. In your place I’d just write down her number and call her myself. Ask her to be honest and let you know what’s going on. Either way shits going to hit the fan- I wouldn’t care if he freaks out at this point.

Post # 25
Member
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

At this point I’d probably do some more sleuthing before confronting him. As an outsider it’s easy for me to tell you to confront him now and leave, but if it was my relationship I think I’d need more hard evidence to be able to walk away at this point.  Even if you don’t find anything else though I don’t know how you can ever feel at ease again. If you find nothing my guess would be he wisened up after you saw that text come through and is being better about covering his tracks. I’m really sorry you’re in this boat.

 

eta: I think pp idea to call the girl is worth considering. Only problem is maybe she already knows about you and would be in on the cover up? Idk  CaliforniaLovin :  

Post # 28
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Hugs! Try and get some sleep! Things always clearer when we’re rested.

The thing for me is, I have guy friends but FH knows who all of them are at least in passing conversation. Especially any who I would just randomly call. If they are close enough to be calling and sending selfies, if these are “just” friends you should have heard about them in passing and when one called he would have told you who it was. CaliforniaLovin :  

Post # 29
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

From the, “Who is this phone response,” and silence she knows about you. Texting much better option. CaliforniaLovin :  

Post # 30
Member
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

CaliforniaLovin :  The message threads you’ve seen start abruptly with a sent picture, and there’s not much there. So, what’s likely is he either cleans up the conversations on his phone and deleted some messages or he is using a different method for some parts of the conversation. It could be WhatsApp. Another possibility is that though you think he doesn’t use social media, he actually does and is using SnapChat, Tindr, or something else to communicate with them, which escalates to him giving his cell number to them and asking for a picture, and the conversations beginning in his phone messages. 

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