katebluestone : echomomm : keviah12 : All of this.
I think him telling her she can have the house and the dogs was to scare her, to frighten her into thinking this could be over if she keeps making a big deal out of this. Or, as weddingmaven : posted, unless you were the one who told him it’s over, maybe he knows the truth is about to come out, maybe even wants it to.
Several Bees have already given you good advice OP and I’m so sorry you’re hurting like this.
I just want to touch on one subject- gaslighting. Your fiance is gaslighting you- as katebluestone : says so well in her post, DARVO etc- he blamed you And it appears to already be working- you understand where he’s coming from, you talk to guys too, maybe you’re being a hypocrite This is not your fault, none of this. And you talking to other guys is not the same at all, you haven’t lied and deceived.
Please, whatever you decide to do, do not underestimate the seriousness of gaslighting. This is someone who is supposed to love and care for you playing psychological mindgames which makes you doubt your own instincts, your own perceptions, your own thoughts. This is actually an extremely manipulative, extremely awful thing to do to someone. It is a very huge betrayal.
And this has been going on for at least half of your relationship. While you’ve been buying a house with him, planning a wedding, planning TTC, he’s met someone else behind your back for lunch and corresponded with at least 2 other women and kept if from you because (blame shifting alert) he didn’t think you would handle it well, he felt forced into lying and hiding things from you because of how you’d react. He wants to heap the blame onto you, on top of your justifiable heartbreak and confusion without any ownership of his actions.
And I’m sorry Bee, but this is only what you know. I have a hard time believing he would meet up with someone behind your back 2 years ago followed by 2 years of good behaviour and then out of the blue messages from two women start up, I think he’s only admitted to what you already know, to what he has no choice to admit to. I think it’s unfortunately highly likely there are other things in that two year gap you don’t know about, possibly even more things in the first two years of your relationship. And you can’t trust him to come clean with full disclosure.
I’m not saying this to hurt you when you’re already hurting Bee, I just hate seeing you already taking on some of the blame, making excuses for him when you’re the victim in this no matter how he tries to spin it. You have to make your own decision of course Bee, but for me gaslighting would be an utter dealbreaker. To have someone you love deliberately try to make you doubt your own mind, your own thoughts and perceptions, to turn inward against yourself, to me this is the ultimate betrayal. I’m so sorry.