(Closed) What would you do? Guest says they "might" come to the wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2023

Forget them, and invite other people. If they kick up a fuss tell them that they didn’t commit, so you assumed they weren’t coming, as you couldn’t confirm their attendance to the caterer. 

You don’t want them there anyway, she’s clearly trying to cause you trouble and shift attention to herself. If she doesn’t give you an answer, tell her she can’t come.

Post # 4
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would let her know (or your Fiance friend!) that you need a firm yes or no by X date. If that day comes and its still a “maybe, might” etc. Let her know that regretfully that is not a firm answer and the spots will be going to someone else who will attend

Post # 5
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Give them a date that you NEED to know by. No waffling past X date. Explain to them that if they don’t come, it’ll cost you (price per head) and they need to decide.

 

I don’t bring up the cost per person price often, but when people ask why they aren’t invited, I wave that number around as a reason why I can’t afford more people. Don’t make it about the price, but let them know it isn’t a $5 meal they’re missing out on, their flakiness could run you $200 (or whatever it is) and it would be nice to NOT throw it away.

Post # 6
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Elky:  +1

 

I would make it very clear “If you do not tell me a REAL yes or no by XX date, you will not be coming, we have to give a head count by that date and I am not paying for your plate if you really aren’t going to show up, please don’t put me in that position.”

Post # 7
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

scratch them off as a “no”.  Didn’t your RSVP date pass?  You did all you could already by double checking so that is a “no” to attending the wedding.  Not a loss for you though if they get upset. It seems this person is really trying to sabbotage this for you anyway.  

Post # 8
Hostess
8579 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Let them know, and mark them as a no. That way they don’t think they’re still able to attend, even though they gave you a very vague answer.

 

Post # 9
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Personally, I would count that as a “no” when giving my number to the caterer.  This is especially true if you are having a buffet as opposed to a plated meal.  Either way, the caterer should have extras just in case.

Post # 10
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You should tell them that since you can’t commit, we need to put you down as not coming. Since we are having escort cards made, seating arrangements, and plated meals, we need final numbers into our caterers. I am sure once you finally get engaged and start planning your wedding, you’ll understand. 

I would HAVE to add that last jab. I wouldn’t be able to help myself 🙂 Good luck! 

Post # 11
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You’re only a few weeks out, don’t give her any more tme.  Send her a message saying “Since I never got a firm yes, I’m going to have to mark you and your family as not attending.  All the best, yourname.”

 

Post # 13
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@BrooklynWife:  HAHA! You made my Friday morning! 

Post # 14
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I would tell her you need a firm answer by whatever date. Then when they don’t reply, I would not plan a seat or a meal for them. If they do show up and it’s awkward there is nowhere to sit, that’s their own fault. 

Post # 15
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If it’s past your RSVP date mark them as not coming but tell them, as the pp said.  If you want to extend the invite to others then I think that’s fine, as long as you won’t be chasing them for RSVP’s too lol.

Post # 16
Member
1615 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Send them an email, say very sorry you can not come, lets get togethor for dinner after wedding.

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