(Closed) What would you do?!!? help!!!!!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I thnk it’s actually fairly common for church ceremonies to be considered “public” events, so no problem just mentioning it around church and not inviting them to the reception as far as I’m concerned.

As for alcohol… you just have to decide whether it’s worth offending half your guest list.  If you decide together that it’s a battle worth fighting, then your fiance should talk to his parents about it.

Post # 4
14497 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

can you just not talk details with them to avoid headache?  They don’t really need to know… I had alcohol but that and other details never came up with my in laws.  How much ofthe 125 guest list do they get?. I wouldn’t want to say no pay, no say out loud to them, evenif I think it… What if they turn around and offer, you still wouldn’t want to give in. 

Post # 6
1104 posts
Bumble bee

For now, I would just not share your plans with them while they aren’t asking.

If they kick up a stink about either the alcohol or guest list, say it’s your wedding and this is how you’ve decided to do it. Present a united front but since it’s his family, your Fiance needs to be the main one to deal with any fall out.

They could choose to host a later (alcohol free) gathering for church folk if they think it’s important 🙂


Post # 9
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

Is the reason you can’t invite more the 125 for venue or for money reasons? If it is for venue reasons just say flat out “We can’t have more than x many people in the place for fear of getting shut down out of fire code” If it is for money reasons then I would bring it up to them as “We would love to have everyone included in our ceremony and reception but we really can only afford x many people at x per plate, for that reason we need you to help us choose x many people to come to the wedding from this side”

If they offer to pay then you might have to invite a few more, but maybe it is worth it at that point.

Is it possible to have punch and snacks after the ceremony at the church for everyone to wait through the gap and then those who are invited to the reception can go and those who were not still feel loved but well go home?

Post # 10
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I wouldn’t even bother telling them unless they ask you straight, “Are you having alcohol at the wedding.” Then you say “Yes, beer, wine, and whatever.” If it starts any sort of lecture, I would smile, cut them off and say “Thank, I know how you feel.” Then walk away. Draw boundaries and be prepared to keep them. 

Do the exact same thing with the guest list. *If* it comes up, I would just say “Well, of course a church ceremony is open, but we simply can’t afford to invite the whole congregation to the reception.” The end. You don’t even have to justify yourself that far, but it would probably be easiest. Honestly, even if someone in my church invited the whole congregation to a wedding – unless I got a legit paper invitation in the mail and was very close to the family, I would never consider going.

Post # 11
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@hannahlily:  I agree with the other bees… (and it sounds like you)

If you want some alcohol, then I would have some.  Signature drinks are fun, and I’m sure if half the crowd isn’t drinking, the other part of the crowd who is will keep it under control.  And who knows, may FI’s family will even have one drink to celebrate.

I also agree with the guest list comment.  Normally the religious ceremony is open to all.  It’s the celebrations that follow that are more exclusive. 🙂

If I were you, I would not bring either subject up unless it need to be (i.e. fiance’s family giving you addresses to send invites to the “ceremony only guests”) or direct questioning, “will you be having alcohol at the reception?”).  If so, I would mention your statements from OP if you need reasoning.

I’m excited to hear how great the whole event turns out!!  Good luck and congrats!!

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