Post # 1
OK I need some help here …. I have tried to be kind about this issue but it’s getting to a point I can’t stand it.
I have a cousin who clings on to every detail of my life, she lives to mimick me! I have addressed this all in the past and for the most part she has backed off. We set our date last week and was sharing in the joy wih our family and friends…. I WAS FLOORED when…. She starts caling her friends to tell them she is in my wedding, begging to be involved to my Maid/Matron of Honor not to me, NOT even asking me is she was a Bridesmaid or Best Man or an attendee of any sort. Just assuming she was really pissed me off….
I have tried on numerous occasions to nicely explain to her that I already have my party together and that I wasn’t trying to exclude her, I even offered to give her some tasks to help with so she didnt feel so left out… It GOT WORSE!!
**The very next day she asked me when we were going to make appt.s to look at Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and what I think would work best on her.. What color ect… WHo she should bring as a date. I know she heard me the other day because she was a little quiet after we talked.
Now I am getting fed up and I know I dont want to get really upset but I have ignored phone calls text messages and e mails from her because I can only shut my mouth for so long!
Mr. G is laughing it up at me, and said out loud to everyone “well maybe she could be a groomsman, she does look like a man”
< Sigh> ( sipping more coffee)
Post # 3
I’d just keep telling her that she’s not in the bridal party. Over and over again. Every time she brings it up, say (firmly but politely) that you’ve already discussed this with her and she is not in the bridal party. And that’s it. If she brings it up again, say the same line. Do it over the phone, over a text, over an e-mail. Just one line, that’s all.
However, I think the date thing isn’t too big of a deal. Unless you weren’t going to let her bring a guest…that’s another can of worms! =)
Post # 4
What blightygirl said. She sounds like she’s trying to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man by asking constantly. Just tell her firmly that it’s not an option, that your bridal party has already been sorted.
Post # 5
Yeah, I agree with the girls. You’re just gonna have to remind her that she’s not in the party. I do think it would be a nice gesture to still try (if you can stand her) to include her in some wedding related things. Or even better, when its closer to the wedding, ask her to run a couple errands for ya. As annoying as she is, it sounds like its coming from a good place- she cares about you, so try your hardest (I know, easier said than done) to tolerate it. There’s not much else you can do! There’s not a chance that you both can add one more to the party is there? Not that you should, just curious.
Post # 6
YIKES!! I think she needs to be told every single time “you’re not in the wedding” just like the other girls stated! She’s clueless and in denial! Or keep her busy doing something else for you!
Post # 7
I just wanted to be sure I had the right thing in mind because I am not mean.. Thank you guys very very much.
She is more than welcome to bring a guest I was just worried her guet wouldnt understand why she was walking up the aisle ya know….
Post # 8
Reaffirm it over and over.
I kinda feel bad for her! She sounds like she’s 13 or something! Assign her some small task–guest book or something? But can totally get your frustration! I’d be annoyed too!
Post # 9
I second the broken record idea. you have to stand your ground and be sure to let anyone you need to (BMs, a coordinator, etc) what she is supposed to be doing. That way, there are no “fast ones”
Post # 10
i am breathing a big sigh of relief right now..
The good thing is I have some time before the wedding a whole year in fact and I am glad the issue is happening now and not in the most chaotic time of planning.
Post # 11
Okay, I kind of know where you’re coming from as far as creepy stalkerish stuff goes.
My fiance and I met this fabulous couple a month ago and have been hanging out with the pair of them once or twice a week since. I’m having a blast but the girl has become super clingy to me and yesterday introduced me as her best friend. Weird…but I didn’t think anything much of it.
That was until she sent me an email telling me how glad she was to have such a great BFF. Ohcrap…
We’re not having attendants in our wedding at all so as to not hurt feelings of our family and friends. I found out this morning that this girl went out and bought herself a freaking dress in green and black (our colors) so that she can serve as my Maid/Matron of Honor. I’ve told her MANY times that it’s not happening but she can’t seem to get it in your head. She keeps saying crap like, “Oh well…you’ll need someone to be there with you that day. I’ll just straighten your train a little bit.”
Are you kidding me spaz? I don’t have an assigned Maid/Matron of Honor because I’m without willing parties it’s because I DIDN’T WANT ONE.
She’s really freaking me out now. Both my fiance and I have had to back off of this friendship with this couple and kind of avoid hanging out with them because she’s scaring us a bit.
I overheard her telling her spouse the other day that she couldn’t wait to show her support by standing up there next to me and even told her spouse that they needed to get a suit since he was my fiances best man.
They also fairly regularly say things to their friends like, “Hey, we’re going to go to a wedding in Newport Beach November 7 -do you wanna come with us?”
Solucky…I feel your pain.
Post # 12
Mr. G here WOW that is really scary You need to address this at once on many different levels. You need to find out if her man knows how crazy she is and make sure he knows that they are not in the wedding and explain everything. Understand that this sounds so crazy that some people may not believe you and stay calm about it because as soon as you get emotional about it you are going to look like the crazy and she will play off it. Remain calm and blow up her spot it will probably cost you a couple friends i.e. that couple but it doesnt sound like shes the kind of friend you want to have. If you cant stop all the madness you may need to get a restraining order because it truly sounds like she needs to be in a mental hospital. Stay calm and dont take this lightly this could snow ball badly if you dont real it in soon. Good luck.
Post # 13
miss soontobee! Get yourself some personal security, my goodness. I have NEVER Heard anything like this! Most people would be relieved not to have to do all that stuff as a new aquaintance.