(Closed) What would you do? I think MOH is pregnant, due right before wedding.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well there’s a difference between, ‘my bridesmaid dared to get pregnant when I told her not to’ and ‘I suspect my bridesmaid is pregnant and am wondering if she’ll still be in the wedding’.

 

I think your best bet is to be honest with her. Tell her you were checking out her Pinterest and ask if she’s pregnant. Normally I’d say that’s not polite to ask, but if she’s putting her stuff out on the Internet she has to assume people will find out. I don’t really know how Pinterest works but if she’s linking her Bump profile to her personal page, she is sort of inviting questions.

Post # 4
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would leave it up to her.  If she feels it’s too much with the baby then she can tell you… I would ask her honestly how she is feeling and what happened.  Since she is your MOH- I would hope that you can have an open conversation about it.  It may not be a big deal that she will be having the baby right before.  You will both have exciting things to celebrate together.

Post # 5
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh I just saw that you found her Bump profile, she didn’t link it. Hmm she may feel a little spied on if you bring it up. Technically it’s pretty rude to outright ask someone if they’re pregnant but depending on how close I felt to them I might do it anyways. Otherwise your only other option is to just wait it out. Like you said, it might be a fake date. Maybe she’s avoiding you not because she’s already pregnant but because she’s trying to get pregnant. 

Post # 6
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@anonbeelovehere:  I would gently remind her that you need to order dresses soon so they’ll arrive in time for alterations, if needed. Since Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses often take months to get in, I would push for the dresses (citing time as an issue) to try to get her to open up about it without being so direct. If she won’t say anything, I would just leave the issue alone. Assuming she is due at the end of September, would waiting one more month screw up the wedding planning? 

ETA: I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla.

Post # 7
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I would wait for her to tell you. I agree with @Tatum:. I would feel “spied on”, regardless of the fact that I posted on a public forum.

And no! I don’t think youer’ being a Bridezilla at all. 🙂 You’re just concerned.

Post # 8
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

If you told me you found out by checking out the knot and the bump after seeing my board I would probably feel a bit spied upon.

My feeling about this situation is this:  She is your Maid/Matron of Honor whether she is there or not.  If she hasn’t had the baby, do everything you can to make her comfortable on the wedding day – maybe even a chair for her to sit if she needs it.

She can order a maternity dress and she will look gorgeous.  If she is there that is wonderful!  If she isn’t, your officient can mention that she couldn’t be with you today because she just brought a new life into the world.  You can send her bouquet to her if she is in the hospital.

She may be hesitant to tell you because you have two other BM’s who are pregnant.  Have  you shared with her that it has caused you any frustrations?

You have said you are thrilled for her and I am sure you are.  It should not leave you in any kind of a lurch.  If she can be there she will be.  If she can’t she will still be your Maid/Matron of Honor, just not with you on the day of.

It is all good.  You both have a wonderful new chapter in your lives to celebrate with each other.

Post # 9
Member
9117 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I wouldn’t do anything. She hasn’t told you she’s pregnant — she may not be. Going, “Hey I saw you have a due date, what’s up?” is verging on creeper territory — even for a friend.

Wait until she says something and approach it from there.

Post # 10
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Agreed, you little spiy, I would let her bring it up. (Though I’d be DYING to know!!!).  🙂 Anything can happen in early pregnancy. It might mean she can’t be “in” the wedding but you never know.

For now, let the dress thing go for a little while, maybe. They really don’t take THAT long to come in. And you wouldn’t want possibly preggo Maid/Matron of Honor to invest in a dress she can’t wear OR be forced to prematurely fess up she’s expecting. (My friend just miscarried at 10 weeks so I’m wary of saying too much too soon.)

Post # 11
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Nice detective work!! That story is going to make me think twice about using the same screen names 🙂

Sucky situation.  I wouldn’t bring it up. She’s probably waiting until the first trimester is over to start spreading the news.  However, I would of what you are going to do when you hear the news – will you ask someone else to be another MoH? I like a PP’s idea of sending her bouquet to the hospital if she can’t attend.  I wouldn’t ask her to step down, but maybe have two of them (not that you need a Maid/Matron of Honor of course).

I don’t think you are being bridezilla, it’s just a tricky situation and you are allowed to feel upset!

Post # 12
Member
2194 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i’m basically in the same siluation….but i know bc its my sister and I was convinced to inly have a moh so I dont even have any bridesmaids to help out. My mother keeps saying its not going to be a big deal but….1st pregnancy have a tendancy to run late, this is first grandchild and my sister had a very hard time (2yr trying)

Dont get me wrong I am so happy for her but I would be lying if I didn’t said I just wish it was another weekend . Right now the plan is that it will be no big deal but I guess I have a hard time swallowing that my 7days post partum sister is going to be doing much of anything or even attending.

Post # 13
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think it would be an OK subject to bring up.  I wouldn’t say that I knew or how I found out, but I’d bring up babies (maybe even just chat about if and when you plan on starting to trying and ask if/when she’s going to start trying). 

Bring her out to coffee or shopping so it’s low pressure, low stress. EDIT: not coffee!  Haha!  Tea and pastries!

If she says she is, let her know that it’s OK is she’s pregnant or due around your special day.

I have two bridesmaids TTC, and I told both that it’s totally fine with me.  I said that I could hardly expect them to put their lives on hold for a few years just to be in my wedding, and it’s just important to me to have them there.  I’m just happy that I get to share in these awesome changes with them!  I’m letting them pick out their own dresses (in cobalt) so they can wait until they are a little closer before choosing. 

My sister is TTC and she was nervous about being my Maid/Matron of Honor if she was due near my wedding.  I told her I definitely wouldn’t want her to step down, but if it was OK with her, I’d ask a co-MOH who could help out.

Neither bridesmaid is pregnant yet, but I wanted to let them know that it’s OK as soon as possible.  Your friend is probably worried about how you will take it, and it’s really too soon for her to be telling people.  I’d recommend you be proactive and let her know right away what your stance and expectations are:

“That’s so exciting you and your husband are TTC!  Just in case, let’s pick out a maternity dress for you.  We can hold off on ordering it until you know for sure, but keep it in mind!  Also, we can cross this bridge when we get to it, but if you end up with a due date really close to the wedding, I still don’t want you to step down.  But I understand that you might not be able to do everything, so I might ask someone to be co-MOH.  Is that OK with you?”

Post # 14
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Don’t bring it up. This is her news to share, and she’s obviously waiting to tell you for a reason. ANYTHING could happen between now and your wedding with this possible pregnancy, and there is plenty of time to figure out whether or not she can participate. I feel like if you bring it up to her before she tells you, then she will feel spied on and also feel like you are more worried about your wedding than her possible baby, and that probalby won’t sit well with her. Just give it some time…there are way too many scenarios of how this could go down to worry about it yet!

 

Post # 15
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would wait for her to say something. Be a friend, not a secret agent! 

The topic ‘What would you do? I think MOH is pregnant, due right before wedding.’ is closed to new replies.

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