Post # 1
Semi-regular bee here going anon…
I did a silly thing tonight bees. I clicked through my MOH’s pinterest and saw her screenname — it’s not one I’ve seen her use before and because I was a bit bored I googled it and found both her theKnot and theBump pages. I know it’s hers because I was Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding and she has pictures from her wedding on her Knot page. I clicked on theBump page and… it says she’s due at the end of September. My wedding is the beginning of October.
I will be THRILLED if she is pregnant, will throw her a baby shower, the works but I just wish I knew if it was true…perhaps she just put a fake date in because they’re TTC?
But it would explain why she’s become non-responsive in the last few weeks in returning wedding related emails (about getting dresses and such)…
I know I can’t ask her directly and she’s probably waiting for that magical second trimester mark but I feel it leaves me in a lurch. I wouldn’t care if she was pregnant in the wedding but if that truly is her due date, she’s not going to have a baby and then be my Maid/Matron of Honor 5 days later…
I just feel so upset. Two of my other bridesmaids are currently pregnant, having their babies several weeks before the wedding and I’m dealing with that reality (they’re family, too) and now this has sent my emotions for a loop.
I know the Bees typically side with the expectant mothers here and I am trying not to be a Bridezilla but I would just like to know!
Okay, so what would you do bees….
Post # 3
Well there’s a difference between, ‘my bridesmaid dared to get pregnant when I told her not to’ and ‘I suspect my bridesmaid is pregnant and am wondering if she’ll still be in the wedding’.
I think your best bet is to be honest with her. Tell her you were checking out her Pinterest and ask if she’s pregnant. Normally I’d say that’s not polite to ask, but if she’s putting her stuff out on the Internet she has to assume people will find out. I don’t really know how Pinterest works but if she’s linking her Bump profile to her personal page, she is sort of inviting questions.
Post # 4
I would leave it up to her. If she feels it’s too much with the baby then she can tell you… I would ask her honestly how she is feeling and what happened. Since she is your MOH- I would hope that you can have an open conversation about it. It may not be a big deal that she will be having the baby right before. You will both have exciting things to celebrate together.
Post # 5
Oh I just saw that you found her Bump profile, she didn’t link it. Hmm she may feel a little spied on if you bring it up. Technically it’s pretty rude to outright ask someone if they’re pregnant but depending on how close I felt to them I might do it anyways. Otherwise your only other option is to just wait it out. Like you said, it might be a fake date. Maybe she’s avoiding you not because she’s already pregnant but because she’s trying to get pregnant.
Post # 6
@anonbeelovehere: I would gently remind her that you need to order dresses soon so they’ll arrive in time for alterations, if needed. Since Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses often take months to get in, I would push for the dresses (citing time as an issue) to try to get her to open up about it without being so direct. If she won’t say anything, I would just leave the issue alone. Assuming she is due at the end of September, would waiting one more month screw up the wedding planning?
ETA: I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla.
Post # 7
I would wait for her to tell you. I agree with @Tatum:. I would feel “spied on”, regardless of the fact that I posted on a public forum.
And no! I don’t think youer’ being a Bridezilla at all. 🙂 You’re just concerned.
Post # 8
If you told me you found out by checking out the knot and the bump after seeing my board I would probably feel a bit spied upon.
My feeling about this situation is this: She is your Maid/Matron of Honor whether she is there or not. If she hasn’t had the baby, do everything you can to make her comfortable on the wedding day – maybe even a chair for her to sit if she needs it.
She can order a maternity dress and she will look gorgeous. If she is there that is wonderful! If she isn’t, your officient can mention that she couldn’t be with you today because she just brought a new life into the world. You can send her bouquet to her if she is in the hospital.
She may be hesitant to tell you because you have two other BM’s who are pregnant. Have you shared with her that it has caused you any frustrations?
You have said you are thrilled for her and I am sure you are. It should not leave you in any kind of a lurch. If she can be there she will be. If she can’t she will still be your Maid/Matron of Honor, just not with you on the day of.
It is all good. You both have a wonderful new chapter in your lives to celebrate with each other.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t do anything. She hasn’t told you she’s pregnant — she may not be. Going, “Hey I saw you have a due date, what’s up?” is verging on creeper territory — even for a friend.
Wait until she says something and approach it from there.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
Agreed, you little spiy, I would let her bring it up. (Though I’d be DYING to know!!!). 🙂 Anything can happen in early pregnancy. It might mean she can’t be “in” the wedding but you never know.
For now, let the dress thing go for a little while, maybe. They really don’t take THAT long to come in. And you wouldn’t want possibly preggo Maid/Matron of Honor to invest in a dress she can’t wear OR be forced to prematurely fess up she’s expecting. (My friend just miscarried at 10 weeks so I’m wary of saying too much too soon.)
Post # 11
Nice detective work!! That story is going to make me think twice about using the same screen names 🙂
Sucky situation. I wouldn’t bring it up. She’s probably waiting until the first trimester is over to start spreading the news. However, I would of what you are going to do when you hear the news – will you ask someone else to be another MoH? I like a PP’s idea of sending her bouquet to the hospital if she can’t attend. I wouldn’t ask her to step down, but maybe have two of them (not that you need a Maid/Matron of Honor of course).
I don’t think you are being bridezilla, it’s just a tricky situation and you are allowed to feel upset!
Post # 12
i’m basically in the same siluation….but i know bc its my sister and I was convinced to inly have a moh so I dont even have any bridesmaids to help out. My mother keeps saying its not going to be a big deal but….1st pregnancy have a tendancy to run late, this is first grandchild and my sister had a very hard time (2yr trying)
Dont get me wrong I am so happy for her but I would be lying if I didn’t said I just wish it was another weekend . Right now the plan is that it will be no big deal but I guess I have a hard time swallowing that my 7days post partum sister is going to be doing much of anything or even attending.
Post # 13
I think it would be an OK subject to bring up. I wouldn’t say that I knew or how I found out, but I’d bring up babies (maybe even just chat about if and when you plan on starting to trying and ask if/when she’s going to start trying).
Bring her out to coffee or shopping so it’s low pressure, low stress. EDIT: not coffee! Haha! Tea and pastries!
If she says she is, let her know that it’s OK is she’s pregnant or due around your special day.
I have two bridesmaids TTC, and I told both that it’s totally fine with me. I said that I could hardly expect them to put their lives on hold for a few years just to be in my wedding, and it’s just important to me to have them there. I’m just happy that I get to share in these awesome changes with them! I’m letting them pick out their own dresses (in cobalt) so they can wait until they are a little closer before choosing.
My sister is TTC and she was nervous about being my Maid/Matron of Honor if she was due near my wedding. I told her I definitely wouldn’t want her to step down, but if it was OK with her, I’d ask a co-MOH who could help out.
Neither bridesmaid is pregnant yet, but I wanted to let them know that it’s OK as soon as possible. Your friend is probably worried about how you will take it, and it’s really too soon for her to be telling people. I’d recommend you be proactive and let her know right away what your stance and expectations are:
“That’s so exciting you and your husband are TTC! Just in case, let’s pick out a maternity dress for you. We can hold off on ordering it until you know for sure, but keep it in mind! Also, we can cross this bridge when we get to it, but if you end up with a due date really close to the wedding, I still don’t want you to step down. But I understand that you might not be able to do everything, so I might ask someone to be co-MOH. Is that OK with you?”
Post # 14
Don’t bring it up. This is her news to share, and she’s obviously waiting to tell you for a reason. ANYTHING could happen between now and your wedding with this possible pregnancy, and there is plenty of time to figure out whether or not she can participate. I feel like if you bring it up to her before she tells you, then she will feel spied on and also feel like you are more worried about your wedding than her possible baby, and that probalby won’t sit well with her. Just give it some time…there are way too many scenarios of how this could go down to worry about it yet!
Post # 15
I would wait for her to say something. Be a friend, not a secret agent!