Post # 1
… your SO took a job that has higher earning potential than the one (s)he has currently, but accepted it without having asked some pretty crucial questions (benefits, work schedule, other perks, etc)?
SO is and has been quite unhappy with the current work situation (not the job, but a poor management situation that is not going to change).
You are the breadwinner and carry all the health benefits for the family.
The new job is something SO is very excited about and is (at least mostly) in his/her field of expertise.
Post # 3
Other, I’d be concerned but not angry. I also love cheese
Post # 4
I would be pretty irritated that I wasn’t involved at all in the decision, especially since you have a young baby to think about. I would really want to be thrilled and supportive but I think my frustration over not being involved, and the proper questions not being asked, might cloud my initial reaction.
Post # 5
I totally understand being so anxious to get out of a current position when something even remotely better comes along but caution against acting in such haste that you don’t find out important info such as this. Primary example – me. I HATED my last job and was offered a different position with a different firm. I quickly accepted because I wanted out so bad that I didn’t get ALL of the information about the position. Well, the grass definitely wasn’t greener so now I’m returning to my old job.
Post # 6
Wait, I need more information.
Your SO doesn’t like his job so he took a new one with higher earning potential but minimal benefits, and he didn’t ask you.
You’re currently responsible for the entire family’s health benefits…but how do you feel your job? Do you hate it? Were you hoping to stay home for a bit with the baby? Are your current benefits satisfactory/enough for your family?
Are you miffed more because you feel pressured to stay at your job for the benefits no matter what? Or are you more annoyed that he made a bid decision without consulting you?
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@DaneLady: I would be disappointed that we didn’t at least have a conversation about it first. But if it doesn’t affect our ability to pay bills and I carry the benefits then I don’t really see how it’s a bad thing. Maybe I’m not reading it right?
Post # 8
If I was carrying benefits, I wouldn’t care. Basically it would only hurt himself not to ask about his own vacation, that is just silly.
But I work in HR, and that would never happen. LOL.
Post # 9
I like swiss. Baby swiss. Absolutely delicious.
Also, I would be annoyed if he didn’t discuss it with me first. But at the end of the day, his happiness is more important than money, especially if he isn’t the primary breadwinner.
Post # 10
Sharp cheddar. Yum. Get in mah belly…
I’d be irritated, but if I had the benefits we were using I guess less so? Fiance had a minor situation with work earlier this year in possibly being offered a night shift and we definitely discussed all options, how we’d work around having different schedules. If he’d be happier in the new job, by all means though.
Post # 11
@DaneLady: I would expect to be involved in the decision making process because if I was, all of those crucial questions would have answers. I wouldn’t accept a job without knowing all of those things and how the fit would be or else I could be going from bad to worse. You need an accurate picture of what you’re getting into.
Even if I was the breadwinner, I wouldn’t be happy because it puts even more pressure on me if he becomes unhappy yet again or can’t deliver in the new work environment. I firmly believe that all important decisions need to be made as a unit and the implication to the family needs to be considered before any job is accepted.
Post # 12
I would be irritated but still supportive in this case. If the benefits were with his job then I would be angry, and if he was the bread winner.
Post # 13
@ChicFoodist: He didn’t even ask about benefits, because honestly they’re my responsibility anyway. I like my job and have no intention of leaving it, so I don’t feel any additional pressure at all.
@beachbride1216: I think that’s just the thing, I’m not NOT happy he took it, but I’m a lot more apprehensive about it than he is, simply because of the unknowns.
Thanks to everyone else for the input. I’m not mad, and it isn’t like he went out, applied to, and interviewed for a job that I had not even heard about. I think if I were the one looking at jobs I would have asked a LOT more questions, and then discussed everything more thoroughly before officially accepting the position and turning in my resignation.
You’re right- I am the breadwinner, I do have our health benefits, and I do have the ability to pay all the bills even if he had zero income. I think I was just more caught off guard at the lack of open communication, which is wierd for us since we are usually SO open about everything.
I’m excited for his new opportunity, but as @MrsTillerResq: mentioned, the grass isn’t always greener so I’m a little nervous that he will end up regretting this decision.
I’m going to make an effort to be more excited and supportive. He works really hard, and he would never make a decision that would intentionally put our new little family at risk. Thanks again, so much, for the input.
I also like cheese 🙂
Post # 14
My Boyfriend or Best Friend recently took a new job without even asking what his wages would be, let alone any questions about benefits, vacation, etc! I was not mad, I actually laughed, because it’s just so him to do that. It all worked out fine in the end, they’re paying him slightly more than his last job, with more overtime, and he will have benefits in 3 months. I think if he ever applies for another job I will make him a crib sheet with the questions he needs to ask, because honestly I think he just forgets about most of that stuff. He’s a mechanic, so his questions are about the shop, what kind of equipment they work on, the hours, etc. He is so much happier at this new job, so it was the right decision in the end.
Post # 15
I’d like to have been at least told that my husband was going to job hunt (assuming SO didn’t tell you first?). I’m really only be mad if the job required us to move a good deal away, but otherwise I’d be happy for him.
Post # 16
If he went out and applied for a job, interviewed and accepted it and hid the whole thing from me, yes I would definately be mad.
If he went to work one day and they offered him a promotion on the spot and he took it and knew there wouldn’t be a pay cut and we wouldn’t have to move, no I would not be mad.