(Closed) What would you do if a friend wanted to get the same wedding dress as you?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

to be honest if i found my dream dress i wouldnt be happy if someone told (or hinted) to me not to buy it because they didnt want me to wear it. for you its bad form but for her its her dream dress.  sounds like youre going to have to suck it up – hopefully she’ll find a different dress in the meantime

Post # 4
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Oh wow, that is a sticky situation–especially since you already bought the dress? Are you willing to part with it? If so, would you be willing to sell it to her and find a (better!) dress?

Post # 5
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yep – same question – whose wedding is first?  If yours is first, then take it as a compliment.  If hers is first, tell that bridezilla that is your dress!!!

Post # 6
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh no! This EXACT same situation happened to a good friend of mine! It was her fiance’s friend’s fiance, and she basically stole her dress from her. My friend was devastated.

Whose wedding is first? My guess is hers (that was the situation in my friend’s case) so she didn’t have any leverage at all. She ended up going out and getting a new dress, but she never was truly satisfied with it. I can’t believe that there are girls out there who would do this to another bride. How would they feel if the exact same thing happened to them?? 

If your wedding is first…wear away! It’s going to look like she copied off of you. If her wedding is first…I’m so so so so so sorry!!! No one should ever have to go through something like this! 

Post # 7
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I misread your post – since hers is first and she is going to steal her dress, I would say that it hurts your feelings that she is going to wear it.  Has she asked you if this bothers you?  Does she know that you planned on wearing this dress??

Post # 8
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

If I were her, I wouldn’t do it but I do not think that you can do anymore than you’ve already done to change the situation. If your wedding is first, I wouldn’t even worry about it. Everyone will see you first and if they notice hers is the same… they’ll think she copied you not the other way around. (although honestly, people won’t really care)

ETA: I didn’t see that hers is first either. Gosh that just SUCKS. I would talk to her again and tell her you’ve already bought yours and there is nothing you can do about it and it would REALLY hurt you if she wore your dress first.

Post # 9
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh wow, this is a hard one. Has she expressed that she likes this dress before you bought it? Did she know you were buying it before you actually did? I’m guessing the two of you are quite close as you said most of your guest list will be the same so I’m assuming you both run in the same social circles. 

Personally I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. You bought the dress already. You’ve asked her to buy another dress and there are hundreds of thousands of similar looking dresses out on the market so I’m sure she could find something. I’d stick to your guns and talk to her again about it. I totally understand she doesn’t want to compromise for her wedding but she should also respect you asking her to not buy the dress you’ve already bought.

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I certainly wouldn’t purchase a new dress. I’m sure enough money went into the first one. I’d probably still wear it. You can’t make her not wear it, and she already insisted even though you asked her nicely not to purchase it. I’m surprised that she still wants the dress, even tho your FI’s have the same group of friends. Is it a lot of people?

I dunno, I keep thinking about my Fi’s friends…and the girls they’re with and if they got the same dress as me, it’d probably look like a TOTALLY different dress on them! And then i  think that our guest list probably overlaps by like 5 friends and their SO’s. So it probably wouldn’t be a big deal.

But that’s me. I’d take it as a challenge of fabulousness to make sure I just looked better. Yes, I am mean.

Post # 12
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am so sorry you are in this situation. If you have alreay bought the dress and it is the one you love then I would wear it. There’s not much else you can do unfortunately. Hopefully the other bride will change her mind and get something else.

Post # 13
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Okay. This is a really tough situation. It seems to me that most of this is up to her.

You have your dress. You love your dress. If it’s sales final, you can’t return it. And you don’t want to go buy a different dress and waste the first dress (and the $$$ for the first dress).

So, try to talk with her again. As nicely as possible. Explain the situation to her and ask her if she feels comfortable wearing the same dress as you within the same month with a very similar guest list. She may be, but she might not be.

The fifth-grader in me WANTS to say “I got it first. I win.” And I think that there should be some level of respect for that.

But it’s really up to her whether she looks for a different dress. If she decides not to, then you have to decide whether your dress can still be special to you.

I really think that each of your weddings will be so unique (you’re two entirely different people!) that it won’t feel like a “copy cat” sort of thing. So if you really love your dress, don’t be afraid to stick with it. But if you aren’t going to be able to love it anymore, it’s okay to find something that you WILL love and will be yours.

Post # 14
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

@PinkSparkle: I think it’s even worse that she already knew it was *your* dress before purchasing. So sorry that you are going through this. Would you rather have your current dress, even if it isn’t unique, or would you prefer to have something that is all yours?

Post # 15
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m so sorry this is happening. Especially b/c  you showed her the dress before she went shopping. I feel like this is a mirror of what happened to my friend. I hope for you that she chooses the date 2 weeks after you. Then she can buy any dress she wants to. But it really is hurtful that she saw your dress, knew what it looked like, is trying to book her wedding date a month before yours and is still insistent on buying your dress. To me, she is stealing your dress, and that’s awful.

You can try to see if there’s another dress out there. My friend explained to everyone what happened, and they fell all over her trying to find her another dress. It’s just something you don’t do to someone else.

Post # 16
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

OK WAIT!!!  If this is the fiance of one of your FI’s friends… can you ask Fiance to talk to his buddy about this??

Or maybe if she goes through with it, get drunk at her reception, confront her, and have an all out Bride Wars style battle and tear her dress.  (Sorry, couldn’t help myself 🙂  )

 

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