(Closed) What would you do if a friend wanted to get the same wedding dress as you?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

This does really suck!  If it helps any, however, I didn’t remember what my friends wore at their weddings by the next day (and I was IN the wedding!!), let alone a month afterwards.  So while people may think “oh, that dress reminds me a little of X’s dress” I don’t think anyone that doesn’t already know they are the same will be able to tell.  (Unless there is something totally unique & stand-out about this dress–like racing stripes down the back or non-white/ivory color, etc.)

If there is no way to talk her out of the dress & no way to accept the fact that you will be in the same dress, then you should try to SELL her your dress.  Let her know again that you think it’s unfair that with all the hundreds of thousands of dresses out there she had to pick your exact same dress which you already showed her, you will let her have her bratty little way if she buys your dress from you.  You will have to look for a new dress and you shouldn’t have to take the financial “L” just b/c she is inconsiderate.

Post # 33
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Just saw your response to getting the boys involved…understandable! 

Post # 34
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

A little off topic, but any chance you can post a pic of this dress? I am so curious now!

I’m sorry, but unless you are wearing a green flamenco gown with hand designed Native American beading, I don’t think there’s any reason for her to need THAT exact dress. Whatever your tastes may be – beading, ruching, lace, dropped waist, princess skirt – there are enough dresses out there that you can find the exact combination of elements you want many times over. So I am very suspicious of her motives. Maybe I’m totally off here, but I would not be surprised at all if this girl is secretly envious of you!

That said, I don’t know if there’s anything you can do. It’s a free country, you can’t stop her from wearing it. You’ve politely expressed your feelings. You can make a huge deal of it but odds are that won’t help either and it will only create awkwardness for you. I would absolutely ROCK that dress and be picturing myself in the Who Wore it Best column (you know, from the tabloids?) ha ha!


Post # 35
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

it’s just a dumb thing for her to do! What kind of weird stalker does that? Don’t share with her any of your other plans, and tell your Fiance to keep mum, too. Even to his friend. Don’t mess up your friendship or anything, but don’t let her rip off any of your other good ideas.

My friend has the same dress as me for her wedding (IN THE SAME SPOT!) but for us, it’s more of a hilarious coincidence, because we met beCAUSE we were getting married at the same venue.  The other stuff was just uncanny – her eyes LIT up when I described my dress. She was like, IS THAT THE NICOLE MILLER ONE?! WITH THE KNOT?! haha.  So it was both of our ideal dress. Go figure.

Your friend? not the same situation! I second Mouse’s advice 😉

Post # 36
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Punch her in the nose!! (KIDDING. SO KIDDING. Innocent)

I agree with all the other bees. It’s crappy of her to do this. I don’t know what demands you can really make or how you can compromise, but I had a lot of random thoughts.

– I agree, tell a few friends about it and how it’s kind of nuts, maybe jokingly. The word will get around that she’s stealing your ideas.

– Would you be willing to help her look at dresses? Maybe you can even send her some that have the same look and feel and say you want to help, and that you thought they’d look awesome on her? Don’t make an ultimatum of course, but maybe you can find something better?

– Alter your dress a bit? Is there anything extra you’d want to do, like a sash or a flower or a sparkly pin? Maybe you can make it your own. Just DON’T tell her what you’re planning, lol. Maybe you can change it up with different shoes or a different veil too. I’m not saying compromise your look, but if you want some of this stuff, this whole mess is a good reason to go for it.

-Steal some of her ideas and see how she likes it, lol. Did she tell you anything about her wedding? Like colors or flowers? Tell her how much you loved it and you’re gonna do the same thing. Maybe a taste of her own medicine will help, hahaha

I’m really sorry she did all this. I do hope you can work something out!

Post # 37
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

This sucks, so sorry to hear that and if I were you I would probably not share much else with her, I know that imitation is considered flattery but in case their wedding is first you have saved yourself from anything else being copied.  I would also share with her that this is what you are worried about, and since you all have the same circle of friends I would also remind people of who bought the dress first, that’s just me. 

Post # 38
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I third Mouse.

First of all, I would never ever ever even think about trying on a dress I knew my friend had already purchased for her wedding. And I speak from experience because I LOVE the Melissa Sweet dress my one friend recently wore for her wedding, but I refused to even put it on. That would be weird and wrong and create strange tension between us.

Second, she has only been engaged for a couple weeks and she’s already picked a dress? And it HAS to be the same dress as yours? Something’s not right here. There are millions and millions of dresses to choose from. I’d be really curious to see if she would have picked that dress had she never known it was yours.

Third, why the heck is her wedding within a month of yours? Well, I guess I do have a friend who chose a date two weeks after ours a few months after we set our date, but our friends don’t entirely overlap and their wedding is local.

Anyway, this is too strange to be just a coincidence or normal. I say tell anyone who will listen that she went out and bought the same dress as you and you’re totally weirded out by it, but still wear it. You guys will probably look very different in the dress and it really doesn’t matter at the end of the day.

Post # 39
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would be upset…and I would tell her that it made me upset.

Post # 40
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Bogart is totally the word of the day in this thread…  Ugh. People like that piss me off.

She definitely seems a little “off” to put it nicely. 

Haha – I wonder … what if you showed her a different gown and talked it up like nobody’s business & said how you wish that you could trade in your dress for that one and how you’re so sad you didn’t find this new one first… yadda yadda yadda…  and how you’re going to try to sell your gown so that you can get this new one…  She might just be crazy enough to bogart the new one, letting you keep the true dress of your dreams…  It’s crazy, but so is she…  might be worth a shot.  🙂 

Whatever you do, good luck sweetie – you will rock the dress so hard and she will look like a fool regardless of when her wedding is.  Of course, letting her sheisty ways be known to your circle of overlap guests wouldn’t hurt. Tongue out 

Post # 41
7 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

Out of all the dresses in the world ( and there are soo many similar ones) its pretty odd that she doesnt want her ‘own’ dress… LOL

Post # 43
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It is okay – as long as she doesn’t hi-jack your wedding date – and go before. If her wedding is after yours she will look like an idiot. And when someone comments on the same dress, you can politely say, “Yes, I had purchased my dress months prior to her knowing it exsisted and then she decided to get the same exact dress.” And leave your comment at that, if someone asks – “Doesn’t that piss ya off?” Provide a candid answer. Really – she will look like the idiot – not you. Ha!

Post # 44
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Can u add a belt or sash?

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