Post # 1
So let’s say you had a family member or a friend who had a kid… and let’s say that kid was either poorly behaved or you thought there was something wrong with the way the child was developing? Would you say something to the person or would you keep it to yourself.
I think as a pediatrician this becomes an even more difficult situation, because your opinion has some authority… but even as a lay person… No one wants to hear that there’s something wrong with their child (or that you think there is something wrong with their child).
So do you say something? Or do you hold your tongue?
Post # 3
Hold your tongue. Or at least wait for them to bring it up.
Post # 4
Oh wow – that is a tough one!
In your expert opinion do you think that it could be helped/prevent further problems if treated?????
I think if treatment could help the child I would say something – while treading VERY carefully!!!!!
Post # 5
It depends. Is this a developmental issue that the child just might be slow in “getting” or is an issue that the parents can’t do anything about. If it is something the child needs help developing in give some suggestions (not demands, not over the top, maybe make it into a game that could be played) If it is something the parents cannot do anything about wait until it is brought up.
Post # 6
Gosh that is a tough one. Because to not point it out and see it play out later – and know that maybe you could have helped if you’d mentioned it earlier? That would be so hard to live with especially if it’s something that could be corrected if caught early enough.
I think I’d have to tell them what I thought. It would be hard, and if I were wrong it might hurt the relationship, but I would be most concerned with the child’s well being.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
Family, say something. Friend, hold your tongue, no matter how hard it is. 🙁
What a sucky situation, either way!
Post # 8
I’d say something. As a Mom,and knowing YOU saw something amiss and never mentioned it to me,I think I’d be not only hurt,but offended. You wouldn’t be saying something to be mean or critical,but expressing your concern so it is altogether different. Sometimes we can’t see what’s right under our noses!
Post # 9
It depends on the issue. If it’s something that the parents can do (or stop doing) that impacts how the child is developing, that’s a touchy issue, because no one wants to be told how to raise their kid. But if it’s something that is medically wrong, perhaps you can mention it in a kind way…?
Post # 10
If I were educated enough to have an expert opinion, I’d say something.
Post # 11
I know of these boys in particular who are part of a family and they are little boys … but are awful. They are always crying and abusive … I seriously think there is something wrong and they are the exact reason I did not want any children … b/c I did not want them to come.
Everyone bites their tongues … but the boys are like little devils. They’re so horrible. Behind their back everyone is like OhMyGod wth is wrong with them?
Post # 12
I’d say something.. but very very carefully.. I am a mom.. and mothers can be very defensive of their children and their mothering skills.
Post # 13
If the child were merely poorly behaved due to parents not enforcing rules, I would not say anything. After all, what could you expect if you did say something? “Oh, gee, we’d overlooked the fact that we never enforced any rules, and will start doing that from here on in,” seems pretty unlikely.
However, if I believed the child had a developmental problem, I would say something. I know that with my own son, who has Asperger’s, discovering that there was an actual biological issue going on was a big help. It enabled us to stop blaming ourselves or him, and to start looking for strategies we could teach him to help him get around his developmental issues. At this point (he is 27), he is far more functional than many of his relatives who had less severe Asperger’s, because he has learned so many coping strategies.
Post # 14
So my particular scenario has been resolved, but I was very interested in what other people would do.
In my case, a family member’s child was kicked out of preschool. At the time I mentioned gently that he might have attentional or other autism/asperger spectrum issues. I said it gently, and at the time, I don’t think my concerns were taken to heart. In fact, perhaps the mom took a little offense to my suggestion. Now the child was kicked out of another school and the family member is fully on board with my suggestions.
I just know this comes up all the time in families and wondered what other people would do. If you have a situation that happened to you, please share!
Post # 15
let me add another question to the mix. Let’s say you are a medical professional and your friend is of the same profession….yet doesn’t see developmental issues in her child that you see. Do you say something then?
Post # 16
@ggsb- sometimes that makes it easier. We med professionals know that it’s really hard to see clearly with your own kids, so often a gentle nudge in the right direction can get things going.