(Closed) What would you do if… ? (Scenario)

posted 10 years ago in Babies
Post # 17
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

@Mrs. DG – just finished reading your scenerio and you are almost on target with my “what if” scenerio: autism/asperger spectrum issues at the preschool level here as well.

Post # 18
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would say yes to a family member. But, no to a friend. UNLESS the child’s behavior was detrimental to myself or in my family in any way.

I wouldn’t say it would be over the line for a pediatrician to offer perspective. After all, doctors are people we should trust!

Post # 20
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I think it depends on the situtation.  If someone is suggesting ADHD or the like, that can be touchy because sometimes that really is parenting.  Also, you don’t want to alarm people needlessly.  On the other hand, if a parent isn’t noticing that it’s a big deal their 2 1/2 year doesn’t say anything, and hates to be touched or talked to, it might be time to gently suggest they be evaluated by a developmental pediatrician.  (But perhaps don’t officially offer autism as your opinion.  The truth is that often isn’t the case.  In fact someone suggested that to me once.  I freaked out.  Turns out my son needed his tonsils out.)

I think people can dance around the issue too.  They can ask, “So hey, what was that he was doing just now?”, “How’s school going?”  “Does he say Mama yet?”  I think then people will be more open.  Then you can say something like, “well I know when Johnny (or my sister’s kid or this girl on Dr. Phil) did something similar, I just checked it out (or it ended up being…).  So many times it’s nothing.  But they say it’s so important to get this stuff figured out early.”

If it seems to be just behavioral, I think all you can do is make sure you stand up for yourself, (ie. if the child is being rude to you).  And if you ahve kids, maek sure you set a good example by them, and show the child and parents in question, how you handle more structured discipline.

Post # 21
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

Happened to me when my daughter was 3 and I brought her preschool picture to work. My boss looked at it and after everyone oo’d and ahh’d over how cute she was,my boss took me aside for a minute and said he wanted to talk to me when we each had a break between patients. When he said what he did I almost fell over! He started out by asking me if I knew what was going on with Jay Leno’s jaw and Ruth Buzzie’s jaw, and I couldn’t imagine what he was getting at…..was he saying??? Yep….my daughter had an extruding mandible as well as a bilateral crossbite. As a dentist,he saw it immediately. As a hygienist,I SHOULD have. As a Mom,I didn’t want to see it,or had looked at her every day of her life,I never noticed how pronounced it was becoming.

Early intervention and appliances throughout her life saved her from many painful surgeries to correct it. Having several specialists in 2 states helped as well,so yes…..he said something and I’m VERY grateful he did.

Post # 23
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Depends entirely on your relationship with that person and the type of developmental disorder. VERY tough situation!

Post # 24
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I know I would have been grateful if someone had suggested at the preschool level that my son might have an autism spectrum disorder.  As it was, he was not diagnosed until he was 9 and he (and we) had gone through several years of trying frantically to figure out what was going on.

Post # 25
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

It depends too on how much you know about whatever condition you are mentioning. Smyley’s example was great because a dentist saw the issue with her daughter’s jaw. But if a stranger on the street had said, “Your daughter looks like Jay Leno” it would have come across as really offensive.

Post # 26
43 posts
  • Wedding: September 2009 - The Marvimon House

this is such a hard one… as a preschool teacher i feel i have to say something if it is a student of mine, but if it was a friend’s child i would have a really hard struggle with it.  super tough situation that i hope to never be in!

Post # 27
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think that was so kind in fact what you suggested DG!  I’d also gently suggest to have the child evaluated for that.

And especially if you’re in the medical field and in you’re case a pedi, of course they’d value your opinions!

I think if a suggestion is said with kindness, respect and love, people won’t react negatively.  If they do, it’s probably just a defense mechanism and they’d process that suggestion and come around imho though in a short while.

I had a friend who had a suspicious mole.  It kinda “changed”.  She was in healthcare and b/c of that deathly afraid of melanoma so she chose to ignore it.  Some of us finally said something to her and we literally held her hand and she had it biopsied.  It wasn’t melanoma but it was basal cell ca.  She had it removed and is fine.

Sometimes you gotta give the love and suggestions even if it’s not the answer they want if you do love those in your life.

Post # 28
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

and just for the record in my question above I am in No way shape or form one of the medical professionals…

Post # 29
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

It depends on the situation and the relationship with the family member or friend.  I think it’s harder if you’re in the medical profession.  Those of us who aren’t can always throw out a “I noticed X about your son, which comes up really regularly in Ask Amy.  I might be a little over anxious, but she’s always cautioning people to go to their doctor about a particular symptom.  Have you talked to your pediatrician about X?”

Post # 31
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

If it were family or a very close friend, I think I’d bring it up this way:

“So how are things going with Little Johnny/Susie? I know sometimes it’s easier talking to a family member than a doctor/therapist so if you have any questions or concerns, or if I can clarify something your doctor/therapist brings up, just let me know. I just want you to know I’m here for you and Little Johnny/Susie.”

I wouldn’t bring up any specific concerns, I’d just keep in generalized. Then if they are open to talking to you, then build on that.

Just my opinion. I’m not a medical professional by any stretch of the imagination. And back when I thought I wanted to be a preschool teacher, I only took to early childhood ed classes.

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