(Closed) What would you do if this was YOUR mother-in-law?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m new here so sorry if I’m stepping out of line but I read you post and feel so sorry for your mother in law.

It’s so sad when pain gets in the way of life and you never get the chance to really live.

I understand her problem with taking depression medication and her issue with therapy. But could you recommend a pain loss group? They have many groups with people just like her who have been through what she’s been through and more and they all get together and hash every thing out. Some groups even go do things that are fun. it could help her feel not so alone, help her make friends and help her get out and doing something. Perhaps offer to go with her. Or maybe even tell her you want to go for you but want her to tag along so you’re not alone, anything to get her in the door?

Hope things work out for you, good luck!

Post # 4
Member
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i agree with pp.  perhaps she can join a support group.  i think that may help her with her loss and meet new people.

Post # 6
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MoonlightRose:  If you just google search it you should be able to find one. If not call a local clinic, best bet would be a mental health clinic and ask about their groups. I know a couple of people who have been to them and they do help a great deal

Post # 7
Member
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would try to get her to try therapy again, perhaps with someone who comes really highly recommended.  I would also suggest she join groups, perhaps a breavement group and also social groups like on meetup.com, people who want to meet new friends and get out to do stuff.  If she’s religious I would see if I could get her to speak to a pastor/church personnel.

Honestly, though, given her resistance to medication and therapy….I would not rule out moving back in with her.  I know, I know…..but I really would seriously consider it, but only if living arrangements with sufficent (ie. plenty) of privacy for all involved could be guananteed.   LIke a duplexed house or something, somewhere that she has the company of you and her son being around, but not all the time.

I hope tihngs work out for her, and you.

ETA: what about something big and fun to sort of kick start her back into enjoying life and seeing the good? Like a fun vacation or something….

Post # 8
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This sounds really hard. Perhaps a book on depression? There are some great ones out there. There are also Bach Remedies that are homeopathic and extremely gentle. Not drugs, they are flower essences that are non habit forming. You can Google and read about them. 

Humans are creatures of habit. When something gets comfortable, we resist change even when it could bring us joy because it means something possibly unknown…something she may not be totally sure she can do. I know it sounds backwards, but depression can wreak havoc on thought pattern and rational thinking. 

I would definately keep encouraging a dr but until then, focus on her taking care of herself with good foods and comforts. 

 

Best of luck to you & your family. 

Post # 11
Member
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Coral99:  Bach Remedies are a great suggestion! I took some once for school related anxiety and they worked very very well.

Post # 12
Member
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MoonlightRose:  hmm, how about a regular/scheduled social event, like joining a bowling league? It may give her something to look forward to and to help her get out of the house.  Or perhaps volunteering, I know she’s works with elderly but maybe something like Big Sisters or animal rescues? A relationship with animals can be extremely healing and she may feel a kindred spirit with a resuce animal.  Taking care of a being that needs her will give her a purpose and something to live for.

ETA: maybe fostering puppies that are destined to go into Guide Dog programs?? Short term commitments but who doesn’t love a cuddly pup?

Post # 14
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@cdncinnamongirl:  GREAT suggestions! Volunteer is a good idea. 

@cdncinnamongirl:  they totally work! I’ve used them for various things & it’s been nice. 

Post # 15
Member
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly until someone with depression is ready to recognise that is what they have and want to get treatment there is really nothing you can do about it other than be supportive. forcing someone to do something (such as continually hinting at getting counselling) is just going to back them into a corner and make them come out fighting and possibly ruin your relationship.

Back off, let her adapt in her own time and just extend invitations to go and do family fun things like movie nights, picnics, walks (exercise is good for depression).

And whatever you do DO NOT move back in with her. That is going backwards and mollicoddling her will not help her in the long run. It is not about helping her avoid hurt/disappointment/change, it is about helping her find positive ways to handle those things.

Post # 16
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee

I have struggled with depression on and off in my life and the people that always seemed to help me the most didn’t “bang the drum” about getting help. They were simply a regular presence in my life that was a source of compassion and support. It sounds like you’re already trying to do that which is great. Pets and a regular social activity help me a lot too, I think those are great suggestions! There are knitting clubs all over the place, maybe that would be a good place to start?

Thank you for being a compassionate person OP, I’m sure your Mother-In-Law really appreciates it (even if she can’t communicate that now). 

The topic ‘What would you do if this was YOUR mother-in-law?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors