What would you do if you felt a friend was rushing into something?

posted 10 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

If he asks for your opinion, sure voice your concerns. Otherwise stay out of it. They could want a long engagement for all you know. Even if they don’t, they are both consenting adults. As long as there’s nothing dangerous about the relationship , let it be.

Post # 3
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

I think if the friend is specifically asking for his advice, then your husband is welcome to voice his concerns as long as it is coming from a loving place. It sounds like you guys are good friends and want the best for him, so as long as your husband frames it that way in the conversation, I think it would be good for him to be a little bit honest here. I think that if he hadn’t asked for advice it would be completely different but he wants advice so I think it’s acceptable in this scenario.

Post # 4
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee

When he asks for advice your husband can say ” you sure?” And when he says yes then give his advice and let it go. I wouldn’t make it into a “thing” unless there is some serious concerns regarding safety.

Post # 5
Member
3533 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I think it’s important for good friends to be willing to be honest and have the tough conversations. Really, it comes down to a question of what is the rush? What is the friend gaining by proposing now as opposed to waiting til their one year anniversary or something? I get that when you know you know but they are so fresh into this relationship there is no way the be had the chance to see one another in the wide variety of scenarios that it’s important to see someone in to know if they’re truly the right partner. 

If I was your husband I’d tell my friend that I’m over the moon for him and am excited to get to know this wonderful woman, but that he should hold off proposing for a bit. If he wants to buy the ring, fine, but I’d suggest something like surprising her on their anniversary or waiting til a certain special season or something. 

Post # 6
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Since an opinion was asked for I’d give my honest one, otherwise I’d stay out. In this case he’s asking so tell him the truth and also get his reasoning for wanting to do it so soon. Sometimes people ask for advice to get outside perspective because it’s easy to get in feelings and not be rational so they want the honest truth.  When I ask for advice from my friends I make sure to tell them my stance and pros and cons that I see then ask for their input because it makes the advice compass more tailored to that person opposed to just saying 3 months is too soon for anyone to be getting married. You’d be doing him a disservice by not being honest when he could very well be checking to see if this sounds crazy or not and may be wanting your genuine guidance. 

Post # 7
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee

I took the ask advice as asking for help to figure out how to propose. Not asking advice on the relationship.

Post # 8
Member
1118 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

As a PP stated, I also took the asking for advice as proposal advice, not relationship advice – otherwise why would he have already bought the ring and then asked for advice after?

Post # 9
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’d stay out of it. Two consenting adults. Stable job. No abuse. 

Post # 10
Member
6379 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

I would stay out of it.  They’re two consenting adults who presumably are in better position than anyone else to know what’s best for them.

Post # 11
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee

I’m going to go against the grain and say that if this was a really good friend of mine that has a history of impulsive behavior, I would definitely say something, whether or not I was specifically asked.  I wouldn’t necessarily try to discourage him from proposing, but just point out his tendencies to make him more self aware that maybe he’s jumping the gun a bit.

Post # 12
Member
1358 posts
Bumble bee

If asked or if he expressed doubts or concern to me, if not. No… so long as it wasn’t an abusive or unhealthy relationship. 

Post # 13
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

He should keep his advice brief and vague. Most likely this guy will do what he wants to regardless. I also think it’s HIGHLY likely that at some point this friend would tell the girl what your hubby said. Your hubby needs to avoid saying something that would cause this friend and his wife to distance themselves from you or leave a bad taste. Your hubby could say, yeah she is great I think you guys are a good fit however there is no harm in being engaged for a while longer and perhaps doing premarital counseling as a way to double check that moving this quick works well. 

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