(Closed) What would you do if you found out your man was on steroids?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you approach it just like that.  Tell him you’ve noticed that he’s made a lot of changes really rapidly, and you’re concerned that he may not be doing it in the healthiest way.  You want him to be around and be healthy for the rest of your lives together, so you want him to be able to be open with you about what he is/isn’t doing and what alternatives you two could find.  (Like not doing steroids and just being a normal fit person!)

Post # 4
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My first answer is RESEARCH. Research everything: signs of steriod use, health benefits, health concerns, personality changes, average length of time before these pros/ cons come into play, how people commonly hide steroid use, etc.

Then I would be very vigilant. You’ve already brought it up once and he basically told you no without actually say no. But now if he is taking steroids, he knows that you’re on to him and he doesn’t want you to know. So like I said, I’d be very vigilant (which is in my nature anyway), and I’d see what I could find out, especially with all of the new information that I gained from my research.

Then figure out if you still think he’s using them. Do his actions/ his physical changes/ etc still imply that he’s using them or now that you know more about them, do you realize that you were wrong?

If you still think he’s using them, bring it up in a very delicate way. And if he admits that he his but tells you it’s not that big of a deal because of this or that, rely on your research. You will know what you’re talking about as much as he does.

Good luck with this, OP. 

Post # 5
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Stacy_Loves_Pink:  If my husband did it and then LIED about it, I’d be really pissed. It just seems like such a vain, selfish thing to do – choosing to risk one’s health over bigger muscles and better athletic performance. The whole point of working out and being active is to be HEALTHIER. And then there’s the lying part, which is 100% not okay in our relationship. 

I agree that it will be important to continue to figure this out. I’d suggest continuing to talk to him about it directly rather than snooping, but you gotta do what you have to get to the bottom of this. 

Post # 6
1550 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’d be pissed! Ask him again. Make him take a test. i dont know D: i wouldnt be ok at all with steroid use.

Sorry if im not of much help 🙁

Post # 7
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

if i knew for sure, idk what i’d do. i def wouldn’t think it was ok. like someone above said, it’s so selfish/vain and i would be really upset about how unhealthy it is

Post # 8
9683 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Stacy_Loves_Pink:  I would phrase it exactly how you did here. It doesn’t sound offensive, it sounds like you are concerned. You’re his partner, and he needs to be open with you.

Post # 9
14 posts
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would be very upset- especially about the lying. It would be unacceptable for my husband to use steroids. However, we aren’t weight lifters, so I don’t know much about the lifestyle.

Post # 10
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My husband uses steriods but has been open with me from the beginning. He has been using them now for 6 years under the care of a physician.

Many men at our gym lie to their partners and I’ve seen lots of relationships fall apart because of it.. namely the lying.

I wish you the best – its a tricky situation, he must have a reason for not talking to you about it. I’d try and find out why that is before approaching him about it. You dont want him on the defense.



Post # 11
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I dated a guy who started taking steroids while we were together. He was in the military and had taken them on and off for years. He was very open about it and even showed them to me, told me what kind they were and what they did. I never noticed a change in his behavior really, but he stopped taking them after a month or so. Anyway, the guy was totally narcissistic and vain and the relationship didn’t last very long.

My problem would be him lying. What reasons do you think he has for not being honest about it? Would it be embarrassing to him if people knew.. or is it because he thinks you wouldn’t approve and you will get angry with him? You need to approach about it as others have said as being concerned more than upset.

Post # 12
1460 posts
Bumble bee

I’d definitely ask him again after laying out everything you said to us here. If he says no again, ask him what he’s doing to get such amazing, rapid results. Tell him you’re scared and see if he’d be willing to take a test…I realize this is a super slippery thing to ask someone because it’s basically telling him you don’t believe him. But tell him you’re worried about some of the supplements he’s using as they might be mimicking the effects of steroids so they’re probably not healthy so you want him to test and make sure they’re safe.

If he is using them and they aren’t prescribed by a physician for him, where’s he getting them? Street ‘roids are really dangerous and he could be really damaging his body. Just let him know you’re only being so persistent because you care!

Post # 13
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

My Boyfriend or Best Friend took steroids when he was 18 and gained 80lbs of muscle… I’m not even kidding. I didn’t know him then, but he told me about it when we started dating two years ago. I basically told him that I didn’t agree with taking steroids, because the risks are high and the results are purely aesthetic, which I find pretty pathetic actually. He told me at the time that he didn’t want to do them again, but he works in a place where literally every person who works there (they’re all men) is on steroids. (He’s immersed in this horrible culture, and I CAN’T WAIT until he moves on from his current job!!) About 8 months into our relationship, he told me he was going to do another “cycle” but this time it would be safe, he would only do “mild” steroids, and do post-cycle therapy to improve his hormone levels and decrease risks.

Well, I cried when he told me. I am not the type to give ultimatums, and I knew that I wouldn’t break up with him, but I told him in NO uncertain terms that I disagreed with his decision wholeheartedly. He respected my opinion, and said he was grateful to have someone who cared so much about his well-being, but he still went ahead with it. After his “PCT” was over, his sex drive basically died. It’s been almost a year and his sex drive is still about 1/4 of what it was before he did the steroids.

I am now even MORE resentful of his steroid use, and we have discussed it many times… I basically had to do what I never wanted to do, and tell him that if he EVER does another cycle of steroids, I will leave.

His health, and our sex life, is more important to me than him being hugely muscled – in fact, I think if he got any bigger he’d look gross – so I won’t stand by while he abuses his health just to look “good”.


I know that wasn’t helpful, but just thought I’d share!

I wish you the best of luck!

Post # 14
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Stacy_Loves_Pink:  side effects of roids are mood swings, back acne, lack of ability for an erection, so if he has any of those I’d say he’s on something. someone using roids is quite obvious , ESP if they bulk up in a short period of time. 

Id ask him casually if he’s taking anything and if he gets super defensive then YEP he’s on them

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