What would you do if you suspected an affair or about-to-be-affair at work?

posted 1 month ago in Not Wedding Related
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  • Post # 3
    Member
    10651 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

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    @happyjuju:  

    I would do absolutely nothing except avoiding talking to either of them about anything  remotely intimate.

    I once found out my friend was still cheating on his wife, (who was also my friend) and I confronted him  him and said if he didn’t confess to her,  I would.

    That was an extreme case as both of them were close friends of mine, and she confided in me that she knew he had had an affair but it was now over . So I was caught in the  middle because I knew it was NOT over.  Otherwise, not my business, same as this office maybe-affair is not yours. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    10651 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

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    @happyjuju:  

    lt is hard if you are friends with one of the parties and feel you owe loyalty. I knew l couldn’t listen to my ( woman) friend tearfully talk about how awful it had been, but now he had said it was over , so she thought she could put it behind her , when  l had seen his car parked at the ‘other woman’s’  house the night before…..so l did my intervention. 

    l would console with your friend, but leave it to her decide if she is going to do anything. You are, l think, thankfully for you, not obliged to do anything more. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    860 posts
    Busy bee

    There is nothing good that can come from being involved imho.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2909 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    Nope, not your circus, not your monkeys.  Agreed that nothing good will come of you being involved.  

    Post # 8
    Member
    7555 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I don’t think you should say anything to them. But if the behaviour at work (so not outside of work like the umbrella situation) is unprofessional or making the workplace uncomfortable then you should talk to HR. I am talking about the situation like when she said she gets very flirty and sexual when she drinks. That is not on and could be classed as sexual harrassment (well at least in my country). 

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    815 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    View original reply
    @happyjuju:  I wouldn’t do anything if I were you. If the woman you suspect of the affair starts telling you about an affair, I would cut her off and say “I don’t want to hear anything about this. If you are involved with a married man, don’t share it with me.” Do your best to focus on your work and not the marriages, morality (or immorality) of your boss and co-worker.

    Now the co-worker who is a friend of the boss’s wife, it’s another question. But you — stay out of it.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1640 posts
    Bumble bee

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    @happyjuju:  stay in your lane. Don’t get involved. Imho. Don’t make excuses or cover for anyone. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    2731 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    Where I live, having inappropriate/sexual conversations well within earshot of other employees IS sexual harassment. Like, we had a whole training on this earlier this year. So based on that alone, I’d lodge an anonymous complaint to HR. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    820 posts
    Busy bee

    Not your circus, not your monkeys.  It will sort itself out. No need to involve yourself. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    650 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    I would stay out of it. Nothing good could come out of getting involved IMO.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2186 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I don’t think you can do much about it regarding their marriages – if they are going to be unfaithfu to their spouses, they’re unlikely to change their minds because a work colleague has confronted them.

    But since this behaviour is happening in the workplace and is overt enough for everyone to notice, you would have grounds for making a complaint to HR if it is making you uncomfortable.  (At least, in my country you would – you’ll have to check employment law in your own country)

    Regarding your friend – that’s a really tough one, but it’s not something you can decide for her – she’ll have to work out for herself if she feels she ought to mention the matter to her friend – or to her friend’s husband.  

    Post # 15
    Member
    1296 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

    I’d stay well away from the whole shit show…

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