(Closed) What would you do if your FMIL….

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

not knowing the history of your Future Mother-In-Law or OP, if it was me i would be telling them i agree, do not speak to my parents/their friends or give a speech at your own sons wedding and you can have your tickets back because we dont want them but thank you for the offer

 

Post # 4
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

honestly, i don’t think this is a big deal. the groom’s parents don’t have to give speeches, and a lot of people are very uncomfortable with public speaking. maybe they’ll give him or both of you a private pep talk at some point during the day and just don’t feel comfortable saying it publicly. they obviously support you if they’re giving such generous presents.

the second part was weird and didn’t need to be said, but people tend to stick with who they know at weddings anyway. i’m guessing they have friends and family on your guest list that they don’t get to see too often, so they’ll stick by them throughout the wedding rather than try to make friends with your parents’ friends. that being said, they should of course be civil to everyone there.

Post # 5
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@heatherrobyn: I TOTALLY understand  your furstration and maybe even being a little hurt about this. on that note. MY PARENTS…as in the BRIDES parents, did not say anything at my wedding.

I was hurt, if not crushed by this. But they were not comfortable speaking infront of so many people and doing a speech. and if thats the case with you Fiance parents, then its best to leave it alone. I fought it for awhile with the whole “just swallow your pride and do this FOR ME on my ONE DAY” speech but to no avail, and if anything it just made them feel bad.

My sister ended up doing a welcome to the family speech to  my Darling Husband on behalf of my parents, is there someone special on you Fiance side who could speak on behalf of his parents?

Post # 6
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

It might be just in my area, but I’ve never seen a parent give a toast or a speech at a wedding.  That’s usually the job of the best man and, occassionally, the maid of honour will also give a toast. 

Remember, you can’t force people to socialize.  You can put them in the same room but you can’t make them talk.  They are going to come off looking very rude if they walk away from people who they don’t want to talk to when they’re approached by them. 

I wouldn’t sweat it.  You never know … they might eventually change their minds!

Post # 7
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Grooms parents will not be speaking at my wedding, not from spite or anger but b/c they will be doing their speech at the Rehearsal Dinner. Thats just traditinoally what we’re all used to.

I think its ignorant that she said that thought, if my Future Mother-In-Law had said something like that to me I probably would have smiled and said, “good b/c I didn’t want you too”

Post # 8
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t get along with my Mother-In-Law and plus, my parents have been “black listed” from giving speeches, so we actually didn’t have any parents give a speech.

I don’t know your exact reasons why your Future Mother-In-Law don’t want to give a speech but you can’t really force them to do a speech.  You could tell them you are feel hurt by it but if it makes them uncomfortable to stand in front of everyone, they shouldn’t have to. 

Post # 9
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I dont think its a huge deal either.  Both Fiance and my parents are the same way.  They made it very clear to us that they did not want to be introduced (with the bridal party in the reception) and they didn’t want to make any speeches.  (though I convinced them to do it at the Rehearsal Party).

But, no … it is not okay to do it as an ultimatum. THAT is definitely not right.  But, to be honest, it doesn’t matter.  This is the way they are and there isn’t anything that you both can do to change it.  So … next solution?

Do everything you can to make decision to avoid confrontations like that.  You ever had that friend that you knew you cant say anything to because they have a big mouth?  Well, now you have some family that you know not to share your best wishes with because they wont help with the support.  🙂 

Good luck honey, I know exactly how you feel. 

Post # 10
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@heatherrobyn: PS, you’re getting married on my birthday!!!  🙂  Congrats!

Post # 11
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

it’s def a weird condition and given that you have other issues, i can see how it seems rude….but, i’ve been to a lot of weddings where the only parent to give a toast is the bride’s father. i wouldn’t think it was weird if i was a guest

Post # 12
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Ouch. I’m sorry but obviously that hurts. But whatever, screw them. Clearly they are weird/different. Just don’t let it get to you or bring you down. It was very nice of them to buy the tickets. Appreciate the gesture and understand that some people are just socially awkward.

Post # 13
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve never been to a wedding where the parents gave a speech. In my area, parents speeches are done at the rehearsal dinner if at all (both of our dads will be making a speech at our rehearsal). The fact that they dont want to give a speech at the wedding isn’t really a big deal to me since thats the norm around here anyway. Have your parents friends done something to these people to warrant their refusal to talk to them? 

Post # 15
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

There were no parent speeches at either our rehearsal dinner or the wedding and it didn’t matter to me at all.   I would say thanks for the tickets and let it be. 

Post # 16
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Usually the father of the bride gives a speech, not the grooms parents.  If the father of the bride doesnt want to speak a family friend or uncle gives the speech (traditionally).  At my wedding neither my parents nor my groom’s parents will give a speach.  They dont like public speaking.

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