Post # 1
I have posted previously about my future husband and his situation. He has a child with special needs to whom he devotes essentially all of his income (after child support and allimony), so I support myself – which I am fine with. However, last night I was asking him what his plan is when his son turns 18. We have sort of had this conversation before, but he always ends up changing the subject. He really doesn’t know what the plan is. His ex wife will receive alimony unless she gets married for the rest of her life. So he thinks that she will probably take care of him. However, he left her, and I have a feeling that when his son gets a little older, she is going to rebel for awhile because she still wants a man in her life – and it’s difficult to find a man who will even want to deal with a special needs child. Right now, my guy is pretty critical of my appearance, and he kind of freaks out if I gain weight. I will have my personal trainer’s license in a couple of months, and am at the moment, underweight BMI. But I don’t know what the future will bring. If I end up taking care of his son full time, clearly I will not be working out a few hours a day. Which is fine with me, but I asked him about it, and he said – “well you wouldn’t be attracted to me if I gained weight”. I said, actually I would (because it’s true). He is actually 20 years older than I am. But he is constantly attracted to younger girls, and I think it’s an escape in a way, because their innocence reminds him of the days when he didn’t have such a heavy burden on his plate. I feel for him in this situation. He does have a lot of responsibility – though he currently has only partial custody of his son, he does have the financial burden. However, I don’t know what to do – I can’t guarantee that I am going to look like a 20 year old forever, and now he has literally said to me – “yes, if your appearance falters, I AM going to look elsewhere”. On my side, I am taking on a potentially huge responsibility. I have already been in a relationship where I was working full time, going to school, cooking and cleaning, working out constantly — and it was never enough. I don’t know how I can both have a childlike appearance and be a support to my guy and his son while also paying my own bills.
Post # 3
Sorry, but my initial response is F that guy.
Post # 4
You shouldn’t have to maintain a flawless and perfect appearance to be loved, next time he says that, tell him not the let the door hit him in the ass.
Post # 5
He kind of sounds like a dick. Sorry… if anyone ever said that to me I’d be telling him to GTFO.
Post # 6
I’d leave right now. It’s one thing for guys to say they prefer you to look a certain way, or they’re more turned on by it. I think that’s normal and natural. But to say that he’ll look elsewhere when you look older is so incredibly unacceptable. This is the type of situation the term “red flag” was created for.
Post # 7
WTF? That is one of the most messed up things a man can say to their significant other. I would not be having any of that.
I’m sorry but if it were me?… I would look elsewhere myself.
Post # 8
My response is the same as Peachacid’s.
Why on earth are you with someone who treats you like this? Please gain some self-esteem and kick this jerk to the curb where he belongs.
Post # 9
Your SO should love you no matter what size you are. People fluctuate over time, it’s natural. I would seriously consider if you really want to be with someone who only wants to be with you if you look a certain way. Is that what you want to focus on the rest of your life? If it’s not, I would not stick around.
Post # 10
That is completely not ok. Sounds like he wants to make sure he gets to leave his optiins open for the rest of his life. Just because je has a special needs child doesn’t give hime the right to be a chauvanistic a-hole.
Sounds like he wants to always have some hot arm candy. I would think long and hard about marrying this man. It’s ok to prefer if your partner is in shape, but saying “I will cheat if you gain weight” is not ok in my book.
Post # 12
I would leave! What a jerk! True love is regardless of appearance!
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Was he joking? If he has that high of a standard for you I would lay down the same rule for him. He may mellow with age and he may remain that superficial until the end. The real question is whether you want to take on that responsibility. There is a difference between saying “I want you to stay fit and healthy because I love you and I want you to be around for a while” and “if you get fat I will leave you.” Figure out which one he means and whether that’s okay with you.
And yes, a special needs child will become a special needs adult and there is no guarantee that your FH wouldn’t get saddled with the responsibility of taking care of him sometime in the future. Is that something you want to deal with? Just because they are special needs doesn’t mean they won’t live a long life and require 24 hour care and supervision until you or they die.
Post # 14
If my Fiance said stuff like that/acted that way, he would no longer be my Fiance…he’d be an ex. And he’d be the ex that I shared stories about when comparing douchey exes with other people.
Post # 15
I’d tell him to go fcuk himself.
Post # 16
He sounds like a huge dick to me … and his son should be HIS responsibility, not yours. I’d get the hell out of dodge.