TO – lovesupreme: you said in Reply # 216
I just don’t have a lot of other options in my life. And TBH, other people treat me better because I am getting married then they would if I were single. The reality of the situation is that people don’t like people with problems, so if I were to call off the marriage, people would just be like, “eww problems are gross. How sad for you you’re not getting married anymore.” And I still live in California, where everyone expects everyone else to be underweight anyways. That doesn’t excuse his behavior, I still don’t think it’s appropriate. But I have dated enough people to know that a lot of them won’t date me if I don’t look a certain way anyway. It’s always nice to hear that there are women whose husbands accept them for who they are. I know that my friend who gained weight after having twins has a husband who told her he thought her best friend who is a model did a much better job of “bouncing back” after her pregnancy. Because she had someone paying for her to work out every day before, during, and after, while my friend worked as a teacher. And now my Fiance is essentially saying the same thing (the guys are not friends). WTF is wrong with people. Like it’s my friend’s fault that she had twins. But she did stay together with him.
This post makes me extremely sad… because it shows that your self-esteem is already being eroded away.
I just don’t have a lot of other options in my life…
Sorry, BUT you have got to be kidding. You are 20… YOU have a lifetime of options sitting right in front of you. Not having options is being 50 and finding yourself Divorced after 25 Years, and having been sooo wrapped up in a manipulative man’s life, that you don’t know WHO you are or HOW to support yourself financially any more. It is the reality of being virtually homeless and contemplating going to the Local Food Bank for food… it is crying almost every night of your life for 5 or 10 years. It is what hopelessness really and truly looks like… when you LOVE someone sooo much that you’ve sacrificed it all for someone who didn’t deserve it … and in the end for what ? (They have moved on to wreck their havoc elsewhere as well as keeping you emmotionally chained / drawn into their neverending drama… all the time telling you that it is BECAUSE OF YOU… YOUR FAULT)
Trust me… you do not need this sh!t in your life… not now… not 25 years from now
There are indeed GOOD MEN out there… and healthy relationships (even in California as eimajleigh: has pointed out). You need to make plans to get out there and find yourself one.
And on that note, I am going to suggest my 2 favourite books that turned my life around post-Divorce… they will help you to see relationships and men in a whole other light… and to realize that you are an AMAZING Woman, and you DESERVE a WONDERFUL MAN… and he is out there now… looking for you (do not waste the opportunity to meet him)
Book 1 will help you to see WHY the guy you are with now is “a Player”… and WHY that isn’t healthy for you in the long run
Greg Behrendt’s “He’s Just Not That Into You”
Dr Phil’s “Love Smart – Find the One You Want / Fix the One You Got”
This last book, will help you to SEE what makes you AMAZING as well as to help you realize what errors in judgement you are making so you aren’t attracting the guys who are best for you. It is a guide to seeing different personality types, and coming to terms with WHO YOU ARE… so you can stop wasting time dating guys who aren’t your type long term. It lets you take control of your life, build a LIFE PLAN and make it happen.
Hope this helps,
And (( HUGS )) because I think there are about 200 women on WBee who are cheering for you at this moment… and so wanting you to succeed at all this. It won’t be easy (break-ups never are)… BUT, I promise you it will be life-changing !!