(Closed) What would you do if your husband told you he'd leave if you gained weight?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 273
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@lovesupreme:  UGH.  Why are you still basing everything off of him and his son?! He’s told you what the plan is:  You are going to get older and he is going to cheat on you. 

I’m done.  You’re not listening.

Post # 274
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@lovesupreme:  I don’t understand how he has any right to be angry. Sure, if he was yet to propose and you were again asking about the future and “nagging” this might feel like pressure which would make him angry. 

BUT you are already engaged and getting married very soon, so how on earth can the future be a hot topic? How can asking what he expects of you make him angry? He just wants you to feel like you’ve done something wrong by bringing this up (which you haven’t) so that you don’t do it again. Why? Because the answer to those questions is not one that ends nicely for you. You are supposed to talk about the future, it’s supposed to be a fun topic! He has no right to be angry about you asking these practical questions. 

I really hope that you are reading each and every post here because they all have gems of advice. 

 

Post # 275
Member
4323 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@lovesupreme:  How does his reaction make you feel?

Post # 276
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I hope you leave this guy.

Post # 277
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Run, and don’t look back.

Post # 278
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@lovesupreme:  OP, I read through all 7 pages of responses, but this one really stuck out to me. “The reality of the situation is that people don’t like people with problems, so if I were to call off the marriage, people would just be like, “eww problems are gross. How sad for you you’re not getting married anymore.” 

Ohhh, sweetie. I think we have all known people who are in crappy situations, but I have found that when they stick around and knowingly and intentionally KEEP THEMSELVES in said crappy situation, that we say “Eww.” Not “Eww, problems are gross” – but “Eww, this girl clearly has no respect for herself and does not think she is worth more than some asshole who has essentially stated verbatim that he wants nothing more than a maid and nanny who is pretty to look at.” Anytime someone has empowered herself to LEAVE a crappy situation, we all say, “Look at that smart girl. She is so strong and knows that she is worth more than that.” 

YES, it would suck to call off an engagement. Trust me, once you inform everyone of WHY you left (because he told you in no uncertain terms that he WILL cheat on you) – not ONE PERSON would fault you. 

OP, I think it’s awesome that you are obviously concerned with the care of his son. However, that can’t be your sole reason for staying with him and putting up with his bullshit. This man sounds like he is pretty well-off and will be able to afford the cost of care for his son. But the point is, you don’t need to be doing it as a favor to anyone (especially this guy). Please, take care of yourself and find what makes YOU truly happy. 

Post # 279
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

@lovesupreme: WHO CARES IF HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN HIS SON’S LIFE!?!?!?!?!? 

Sorry for the all caps but I’m THAT mad with this situation. 

Honestly, what the EFF does the uncertainty of his son’s life have to do with him telling you that if you gain weight/age he will cheat on you? The two should NOT be related in ANY way. A “normal” (kind, compassionate) man’s reaction to being scared of the future would be to tell the woman he loves that he really needs her love and support, NOT to tell her, “Hey my life is hard so it’s only fair that I get to pawn my burdens off onto someone else and go out and whoop it up so I can escape.” Um NO. 

Then he had the audacity to be angry at you when you tried to clarify things? As if you did something wrong by asking him for his unconditional love? Disgusting. 

Get. Out. Of. This. Relationship. NOW.

Post # 280
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

I think the fact that he got that angry when you confronted him again is yet another red flag.  I’ve been with dishonest people before.  If you confront someone with an issue and they can talk about it calmly, then that’s a good sign that they’re being honest.  It’s when they storm off and get angry that you REALLY need to worry.  Think about it:  did him getting angry and storming off shut you up?   He’s trying to get you to drop it so you won’t find out how he really sees the situation.  He’s trying to make you feel bad about your concerns so you won’t bring it up again and he’ll get his way!  Don’t fall for it!

Post # 281
Member
1811 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would punch him in the face and then leave.

Post # 282
Member
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’ve been avoiding this thread because I’m a fat girl and honestly, I want to punch the guy in the face.  He’s pathetic. Leave his sorry butt.

Post # 283
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree with PP that he dates younger because older women wouldnt go for that bullsh*t.

 

I personally would be out the door so fast, hes obviously a jerk if he only wants to be with you if you maintain what he considers a “good body” thats actually gross in my opinion!

Im sorry your dealing with such a loser!

Post # 284
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I just ate half a bag of doughnuts (you know, those Little Debbie, mini frosted darlings) and drank a big ol’ mug of hot chocolate while reading the comments….and I know that when they show up on my fat ass next week, Darling Husband will still love it…also, I’m turning 34 today..and I have a few wrinkles….and maybe a grey hair or ten…but Darling Husband is going to love me no matter what…

Post # 285
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

I will *probably* get hated on this but I kind of get what he is saying, I think maybe he just said it the wrong way which came off assholish.

 

If my SO put on 50 lbs for example it would be a HUGE turn off.  we are both in excellent shape and we find each other physically attractive because of that. I would obviously still love him if he got fat but sex would suffer due to lack of physical attraction.  When sex suffers the relationship suffers and blah blah blah so and so forth.  I think same would go with my SO if I put on weight.  Physical attraction is not obviously the most important part of a relationship but it is part of it none the less.  Men especially are visual creatures where as woman are more emotional. Ever hear the saying act like a wife but look like the girlfriend? (it’s something along those lines anyway). Either way I think he was a dick but I can see his point.

**edit I didnt read the entire post until now… SO PS he is a dick for expecting you to take care of his kid while he has fun.  missed that part.  dump his ass or hire a caregiver.

Post # 286
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

If Fiance had said that to me, he wouldn’t be Fiance now. That simple.

That being said, he loves my appearance and I could weigh whatever I wanted and look however I wanted and he’d love me the same.

You should not have to look a certain way for a man to love you, if he really loves you. Love does not hold ridiculous standards (standards, yes; insane ones, no).

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